Shattered
by You Raise Me Up
Summary: Cara is the only female knight and her world will come crashing down when she loses the one she loves. Will she allow others to help her get over her loss or is her heart shattered beyond repair? Link for the trailer is on my profile.
1. Yesterday I Died Tomorrow's Bleeding

_**Okay so this really was only supposed to help me get over writer's block, but then I got so caught up in that I just could leave it alone and this is what happened. So I figured I'd post it anyway. Enjoy! Feel free to review if you want and if not well I'm not forcing you. This was just a random story that was inspired by the song Shattered by Trading Yesterday. If you ever get a chance look up the MTT version on youtube. **_

_**~ You Raise Me Up **_

_***** **_

_**1 – Yesterday I Died Tomorrow's Bleeding**_

Her ocean colored eyes scanned the gloomy horizon. The mist covered the snow capped mountains to the west and the foggy valleys to the east were stretched out before her like a painted canvas. There would be no sunset tonight, just like any other night on this cold, dreary, godforsaken island. The fog and clouds made it next to impossible. A light breeze made its way across the valley before it hit her, tossing her blonde hair lightly in the wind. She shivered slightly. It was going to be cold tonight that much was for sure.

She patted Aidan's black, velvety neck. "We better get back," the young woman said, wheeling the stallion around and kicking him into a steady gallop. The other knights sat round a roaring fire, drinking and jesting as they did every night. She tied her black stallion with the other horses and took her place beside Gawain.

"Ah, finally decided to join us, Cara?" Bors asked, trying to be cheery despite the dreary surroundings.

"Yeah," she responded. Cara glanced at the knights that sat around the fire and it was no surprise that Tristan was the only one missing. "Tristan still not back yet?" she asked, holding her hands over the fire. They were red and raw from the cold.

"Nah," Galahad said, throwing another stick into the flames, "he's still out scouting." Cara nodded. She was a scout just as Tristan was; only she was much more open than he and not nearly as quiet.

"Perhaps you should invest in a pair of gloves next time we are at the wall," Gawain suggested, nodding toward her red hands. Cara shook her head rejecting the idea, rubbing her numb hands together vigorously over the fire.

"They make the reins slick, I'm better off without them." Gawain shook his head in disagreement.

"When you lose a couple fingers to frostbite then you'll wish you had 'em," he pointed out. Cara giggled. "I don't see what's funny about losing a couple fingers," he muttered seriously.

"Dear Gawain, if and when I lose my fingers then you can say 'I told ya so." Gawain shook his head at her. She was a smart girl, but when it came to certain things she was stubborn as a mule and all the knights were sure that her stubbornness would be her downfall.

The fire was warm against her skin and it was already turning back to its fleshy color. It illuminated the tattoo that encircled her right wrist. It was a band of stars and right in the center was a single rose. The leaves and vines of the rose connected the stars in a decorative pattern and the fire seemed to make the rose glow. She was from the same tribe as Tristan, though the tattoos for women and girls ranged from different designs.

Tristan's design was that of a warrior and it was chosen because that's exactly what he was. He was a soldier hardened by war and death. Cara, on the other hand, was seen as a ray of hope. The stars symbolized a never-ending darkness that loomed over the land, while the rose represented a single shred of light. It was a light even in the darkest of times and it was fitting for Cara because even when times were hard she could always find something to smile about.

The knights had seen her tattoo several times in the past 14 almost 15 years they had been serving together. According to them Cara lived up to the symbolic tattoo. Even now as she sat in the dark with a light rain falling from the grey sky, she was smiling. Kay and Gareth sat across the fire and watched Cara intently. She was spacing out again.

**FLASHBACK **

"It's beautiful," the young girl exclaimed, examining the new ink that decorated her fair skin. She twisted her wrist around as far as she could to see the complete design. The rose and stars were breathtaking and the detail on the rose was exquisite.

"Not nearly as beautiful as you," an older man countered, giving her a small kiss on her forehead and ruffling her blonde hair. "No matter where you go you remember one thing. You remember that even in your darkest moments there is always a light. All you have to do is find it."

"I'll remember, Papa" the girl promised. She received another hug from her loving father.

"That's my Cara."

**END FLASHBACK **

"Cara," Kay said waving a hand in the air, trying to get her attention. Her eyes only stared into the flames. "Cara," he tried again. Gawain shook her.

"What?" she asked, raising her head quickly? This earned her a few chuckles from the other knights, including Arthur.

"You were spacing out again," Gawain said. Cara hung her head.

"Sorry, I was just thinking." Cara shook her head, trying to rid herself of the memories.

"About me?" Lancelot asked seductively as he settled himself close beside her. Cara gave him a whack over the head playfully.

"You wish," she answered, eyeing him up and down with a disgusted face. Lancelot's grin turned upside down and the other knights around the fire laughed. A cold chill spread over the land and Cara went to Aidan to retrieve her blanket. Without thinking, she began to sing.

Aidan snorted at her approach, but she still sang. In fact she almost started to dance, but a voice interrupted her. "You shouldn't sing such beautiful song," a voice said from behind her. Cara whipped her head around to look at Gareth.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, hurt and anger in her eyes. Sure, her singing wasn't all that great, but she didn't think she was _that_ bad. She clenched the blanket in her hands in anger. Gareth's face was mere inches from hers.

"A beautiful voice mixed with a beautiful song will bring every living being to the source and I don't really want to meet up with a stray Woad or Saxon tonight," he said, stoking her cheek lovingly. Their foreheads were touching now and their lips were close, so close.

An incoming rider, however, interrupted their moment and both Cara and Gareth looked to see who it was. Tristan's majestic grey was already in place beside Cara's horse and the silent scout silently dismounted, tended to his horse, and took his place by the fire, leaving the lovers behind.

"Where were we?" Gareth asked, focusing his attention back on Cara.

"I'm believe that you were about to kiss me, Sir Knight," she stated with a small smile.

"Was I now," Gareth said with a smile of his own. Once again their foreheads touched and their lips were close. Only millimeters separated them from one another. At last they touched and it felt like magic. The kiss ended after a moment and both Gareth and Cara pulled away from one another.

They were now at least a foot apart and Gareth followed Cara back to the fire. She sat in between Gareth and Galahad with the blanket wrapped snugly around her. She never could understand why the men never got cold. She was freezing and she had on more layers than any of them.

"Cold, Cara?" Bors asked heartily, from across the fire.

"Just a bit," Cara stated in the same tone. There was no point in lying when she had the blanket wrapped so tightly around her.

"I'd say more than a bit," Merrick said under his breath. The girl sent him a glare, but otherwise ignored his comment.

"Why don't you come to bed with me and let me warm you up?" Lancelot asked. His lips only inches from her ear. Cara pulled her arms out from underneath the blanket quickly and shoved the flirtatious knight away from her.

"I'd rather freeze to death than sleep with you," she stated strongly. The knights around the fire only chuckled and Lancelot resumed his position beside Arthur. For the second time that night his mischievous smile had turned upside down and he frowned in mock hurt. Cara stole a glance at Gareth and was surprised. The dark haired knight was glaring at Lancelot. Surely he knew Lancelot was only jesting. Cara never figured Gareth for a jealous person, but it was written all over his features.


	2. Fall Into Your Sunlight

_**2 – Fall Into Your Sunlight**_

The next morning the knights set out once again. They were on their usual patrol south of the wall. Cara and Tristan did not stay with the group. Instead they scouted around. Tristan rode in front to make sure the way was clear, while Cara rode behind just to make sure they weren't being followed.

At last, after a rare, peaceful day, the sun began to set and the scouts went out on their evening rounds. Cara rode through the nearby forest. The trees danced in the cool winter breeze and Aidan shied away from the swaying branches. "It's alright, fellá," she soothed. "It's only a tree branch." Cara urged him forward with soothing whispers.

She must have scouted for an hour, before having enough. There was nothing following them, at least not tonight. She made her way slowly back to camp and her heart lifted when she saw the roaring fire through the trees. She tied her horse next to the others and brushed him down, before heading toward the warm, blazing fire.

She sat down next to the gentle giant, who contently poked the embers with a long stick. She could smell the rabbit that lay roasting over the fire and her stomach growled. Thankfully, none of the knights noticed. They were all too busy joking and laughing just like any other night.

Another hour had gone by. The knights had eaten and were now onto drinking, but Cara didn't join in. She wasn't much of a drinker, but when she was angry you could bet she would be able to drink more than Bors. Tristan still hadn't returned and Cara was growing deeply worried. He should have been back by now. Some nights he would camp out on the trail, but he would always tell one of the knights before doing so.

She continued to glance toward the woods, in hopes that the scout would return, but he did not appear. Finally she had made up her mind. "I'm gonna go find Tristan," she said, jumping up from where she sat.

"Aw come on, Cara," Gareth said from the opposite side of the fire with a mug in his hand, "he'll be back. Besides when Tristan doesn't want to be found, he won't be." It was a true fact, but that didn't stop Cara.

"I know," Cara answered moving toward her horse, "but he never hides from me."

Cara smiled at the knights. She slung her bow over her shoulder and mounted up. The girl wheeled the black stallion away from camp and toward the trail. The other knights knew she worried over him. Cara didn't love Tristan, but he was a close friend that she had grown up with and both of them looked out for one another more closely than they did the others.

Aidan halted abruptly and tossed his head. "Easy, fellá," she soothed, but the horse continued to dance nervously. She pulled her bow cautiously off her shoulder and nocked an arrow. She heard movement in the brush behind her and instantly turned Aidan in that direction, aiming her bow in the stranger's direction.

Cara breathed a sigh of relief when the familiar figure rode out beside her. "Tristan, you nearly gave me a heart attack," she sighed, placing her bow back over her shoulder. The smallest of smiles played upon the scout's lips, as he made his way over to her. "I could've killed you." The smile was still there.

"Your aim's not that good," he bantered, thought he knew her precision was deadly. "What are you doing out here?" he asked in his low, rugged voice as they headed toward camp. Cara thought she heard a small tone of disproval as well, but she couldn't be sure. Tristan was hard to read and it wasn't often that he let his emotions show.

"Looking for you," she answered softly, almost a whisper. She glanced toward the canopy, hoping to see the moon through the dense patches of leaves. Her eye caught something else. A shadow moved through the trees above her and Cara shifted uneasily in the saddle. She went to remove her bow, but Tristan stopped her, laying a hand on her forearm.

"Stay calm and keep moving," he ordered, not taking his eyes off the trail. The order was so low Cara could barely hear it. She sent glances toward the tree line. She hated it when they stalked her. Cara wanted to send a warning to them, but it could easily lead to an all out skirmish that neither she nor Tristan was prepared for.

They rode quietly back to camp, uttering only small phrases when needed. The knights were still drinking and chatting noisily around the fire when they returned. Arthur was sitting in the middle of it, not really joining in. He seemed to be pondering and mulling things over in his head. He probably had the hardest job of them all and Cara wouldn't ever want to be in his shoes.

Bors was being in particularly loud and Cara felt the need to warn him of the unknown guests that watched them from the underbrush. "If I were you I'd keep it down," she hissed in his ear. "We are being watched." Upon hearing this, Bors head snapped up and looked at Tristan for confirmation.

The silent scout nodded and Bors looked to Arthur as if waiting for the command to get the hell out of there. "Will they attack?" Arthur asked, turning his eyes to Tristan. The knight shrugged unknowingly.

"I cannot say," he said, "for now they are merely curious." Those words seemed to be enough for Arthur and after the disturbing news the knights around the fire grew quiet. After a few minutes, with nothing happening, Merrick moved to refill the water skins at the nearby stream. An arrow was shot and hit the dirt right in front of him.

The other knights had seen this and they drew their own weapons. Cara already had an arrow trained on the canopy above her. Another arrow flew and Woads flooded from the brush. Cara let her own arrow fly and brought down the hidden archer.

Once he was dispatched she drew her sword and swung mindlessly and mercilessly at the Woads who dared to come near her. The natives were dropping like flies around her and Cara was doing a fantastic job with the ones on the ground, but she didn't see the other archer above her. An arrow was shot out of nowhere and hit Gareth in the chest, killing him instantly.

"Gareth!" she screamed, seeing her lover fall. The words were barely out of her mouth when Cara nearly collapsed. She didn't know what caused this, but forced herself keep moving. She heard her name being called, but she couldn't place the name. Right now all she cared about was Gareth. Time seemed to stop for Cara. It was as though everything else was black and only a small shred of light lit Gareth's dead body. She walked in a daze toward him, no longer caring about the Woads.

She kneeled beside the fallen knight and broke one of Arthur's most strict rules. She stopped fighting. She stopped fighting and she held his dead hand in hers. She attempted to speak, but no sound came from her lips.

A small, steady stream of tears flowed from her eyes and down her cheeks, creating zigzag trails. She loved Gareth and he loved her in return which made this particular loss the worst of them all. Cara's eyes never left Gareth's. She was transfixed on the bright green gaze that never blinked. All of the sudden her world went dark.

The blue painted warrior that struck her did not last another minute. Galahad had his sword stuck right through him before Cara hit the ground. Galahad couldn't worry with the wounded girl right now. It was best if they thought she was dead.


	3. The Future's Open Wide Beyond Believing

_**3 – The Future's Open Wide Beyond Believing**_

Having lost a great many, the Woads soon fell back and retreated back into the mysterious woods and brush. The second Galahad sheathed his sword was the second he began making his way back to Cara. Lancelot had taken it upon himself to close Gareth's dead eyes and Bors was glad to be rid of the haunting gaze that stared straight at the black sky.

Some of the others were already gathered around and Arthur was trying to rouse the unconscious girl. "Cara," he prompted, slapping her cheek roughly, but Cara did not stir. A large gash was evident above her right temple, where the Woad had struck her and that had the knights worried. "Come on, Cara," he said again, shaking her viciously. This sent waves of pain through her and her eyes shot open.

She bolted upright, but instantly fell back as a headache and dizziness overwhelmed her. "Easy," Arthur soothed, putting a gentle hand on her uninjured shoulder. Cara hand instinctively went to her throbbing head, but Arthur caught her wrist before she could touch it. "Don't," was all he said. He released her and Cara let her arm fall to the ground beside her.

Her gaze shifted to Gareth's, whose eyes were closed now. Cara didn't like looking at his cold, dead, glassy gaze, but she would give anything to look into those eyes again, just one more time. Cara wanted to reach out and touch his face one last time, but she remained still. She couldn't move. Her limbs were heavy and her body was like a stone statue, frozen in place. It was as if she was glued to that very spot.

A hand was laid gently on her shoulder and it increased in pressure, sending waves of sympathy through her. An arm snaked around her waist, hauling her gently to her feet. Cara allowed herself to be led away from Gareth. She didn't have a choice. The darkness that once divided her and Gareth from the others was no longer there. Moonlight fell through the canopy creating small rays of white light. She watched as the remaining knights closed the gap, shielding her from their fallen comrade. This was something she did not like and she realized that she would never see him again.

She struggled against the man's hold. She wanted to go back to Gareth, but her attempts were futile. Kay's grip was strong and he wasn't about to let her go running back to a dead corpse. "Stop," he said, calmly, but his voice held a hint of anger. Cara obeyed his command and went with him reluctantly.

Only now did she feel the throbbing, pain in her left side and her hand instinctively went to the source. Her hand met a wet sticky substance. She pulled away her hand only to see that it was stained red with blood, her blood. She was too disoriented to put the pieces together.

"You're gonna be alright," Kay comforted, sitting her down gently by the sill roaring fire. Only now, instead of illuminating her tattoo, it illuminated the fallen, broken bodies of the Woads that had attacked, only moments ago.

Dagonet had a pile of cloth and bandages beside him. Her tear stained face glistened in the fire light and that face would haunt Dagonet and Kay for the rest of their lives. Dagonet didn't waste another minute and he did what needed to be done. He cleaned the gash that marred her forehead. Cara didn't move as he dabbed the blood away. She would wince from time to time, but that was the only reaction. Dagonet then moved to her side. He lifted her bloodstained tunic gently and moved to examine the wound, but Cara jerked away at his touch.

Kay grabbed a hold of Cara. He gave Dagonet a small nod signaling that he had her, but he didn't know how wrong he was. Dagonet went to examine the wound once more, but Cara wouldn't have it. She thrashed and struggled in Kay's arms as he desperately tried to keep her still. She clawed and flailed. It turned out he really wasn't ready for her to put up a fight.

Cara screamed and thrashed. Kay's arms were strangling her and she was forcing herself to breathe. Desperate tears streamed down her face. She didn't like him this close to her. Why was he doing this? She was blinded by shock and pain that she couldn't understand that they were only trying to help her. Her thrashing was so violent that Dagonet couldn't continue and he had to wait for Kay to gain control of her before he could wrap the wound. Kay struggled to still Cara's thrashing form. "Shh…," he soothed, but Cara continued to struggle against his strong hold. "Stop fighting," he commanded louder, but Cara was beyond reason. The pain blinded her and all she wanted to do was escape.

Seeing that Kay needed assistance, Gawain rushed to help him. He all, but tackled the young girl and together the two knights were able to keep her still. She lay there panting heavily, having run out of strength. Dagonet cautiously moved to her side once more and this time worked quickly and efficiently to bandage the deep gash, but Cara still struggled. Gawain and Kay offered small words of comfort, but they didn't seem to help.

"That is exactly the reason women weren't meant to be warriors," Merrick said disgusted, standing a few paces away, beside Lancelot, who was leaned against a giant oak. He wasn't only disgusted with Cara's weakness, but also with the fact that she had to see a brother killed right in front of her eyes

"It's a sad thing," Lancelot agreed, toying with the wood carving around his neck. "Only one thing troubles me." he said, staring at Merrick with dark eyes.

"What's that?" Merrick asked in an almost joking voice. Lancelot never worried and Merrick couldn't believe he was about to start now.

"Cara's never cried," Lancelot said flatly, without a single shred of emotion. Merrick didn't want to admit it, but Lancelot was right. For the many years they served together he had never seen Cara cry. She would just suck it up and keep moving. He also realized that this was the first time she actually fought against one of the knights.

Usually, she would accept Dagonet's help and allow him to tend her, but now she seemed to fear him. It was the first time he had seen her put up a fight. She was strong and deep down he knew that she had earned her place among the knights; he just didn't want to admit it.

Cara had seen many of her fellow knights killed in cold blood. Sure she would have that same sad, pitiful look upon her face, but she never ever cried. Seeing Lancelot move from his position, Merrick followed him back to the fire.

Dagonet sat next to Cara who had her legs drawn to her chest and her head buried in the crooks of her arms which rested on her knees. Kay sat across from them, merely staring into the flames. Merrick looked over to where the other knights were burying Gareth. They were not returning to the wall for some time, so a small place in these lonely woods would have to do.

Lancelot had since moved to sit beside Cara and Merrick took a seat beside Kay. "She gonna be alright?" Merrick asked Kay. The man took a minute before nodding. Merrick knew that physically, she would heal. It was her mental state that he was worried about. A mentally ill knight was no good on the battlefield, especially if that knight was a woman.

Lancelot put an arm around her carefully, not wanting to hurt her, but rather offer her some ray of comfort as he drew her close to him. Cara didn't move. She was not shaking with sobs and it seemed that she was barely breathing. The only indication that she was alive was the slight rise and fall of her shoulders.


	4. To Know Why Hope Dies

_**4 – To Know Why Hope Dies**_

Arthur was the first to return from the burial party. The first thing he did was approach Cara and like Lancelot did earlier; he gave her uninjured shoulder a gentle, reassuring squeeze. Like before, Cara didn't respond, she only sat there, unmoving. Gradually the other knights returned and took a seat around the fire. Some glanced at Cara from time to time while others just couldn't bear to look at her.

The remainder of the night was spent in silence as they mourned the death of their recently fallen comrade. He was Gawain's younger brother and he seemed to be taking the loss better than Cara. Everyone could see the look of sorrow on his face and they were sure that that same look was on theirs' as well.

One by one the knights turned to their makeshift beds and settled in for the night. Each stole a glance at the broken girl that sat as still as a dead man by the fire. At last it was only Arthur and Lancelot that remained beside their broken 'sister'. It was silent for the longest time. Arthur just sat watching Cara and Lancelot.

He was practically hugging her. His strong arms were wrapped protectively around her, shielding her from anything that may try to harm her. Cara's head was buried in his chest. Her arms hung limply at her sides and Lancelot made sure that her injured side went undisturbed. "She's going to be alright, Lancelot," Arthur said convincingly for Lancelot's sake as well as his own.

Lancelot raised his head and looked directly at Arthur with his dark brown eyes. "How do you know?" he asked skeptically. "Did your God tell you that?" It was a bit harsh for Lancelot, but Arthur chose to ignore it. He knew that Lancelot was only worried.

"My faith has nothing to do with facts, Lancelot," Arthur pointed out. "Cara is a strong, determined, young woman. She will get through this."

Lancelot almost laughed. "Strong? Determined? She is broken, Arthur. Her will and strength are gone. So don't lecture me with your facts when you don't even know."

"She's grieving. She will get over it, just as she has done before. All she needs is time." Lancelot only stared at the ground in anger and disgust. "Lancelot, she is going to be just the way she has always been. She's just going through a rough patch right now. We all are. She has seen many knights pass and she's gotten over them. Gareth's death is no different." Arthur's calm voice held confidence. "Everything will be fine."

Lancelot was on the verge of screaming, but he kept his voice reserved and low for Cara's sake. "Stop pretending that this is just another problem because it isn't. This is Cara!"

"Listen, I want to help her just as much as you do, but in order for that to happen she needs to get over Gareth and the only way to do that is with time," Arthur said quietly, desperately trying to make his best friend understand and keep his voice low at the same time. "You know Cara better than anyone else, Lancelot. She needs a friend right now, not someone pitying her."

With that, Arthur settled down for the night. The time alone that Lancelot spent with Cara gave him time to think about what Arthur had said. Truth was, Arthur was right. Lancelot had pitied her. That was something that Cara would have highly disapproved of if she was in her right mind. Lancelot's grip tightened around Cara when she began to lean. He felt her tense body go limp in his arms.

He was glad that she had fallen asleep, though worried as to how she would be in the morning. Lancelot unfolded her arms and legs, so that she could rest peacefully, though he was not pleased at the sight. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying and it seemed that even while she slept she cried. Lancelot simply watched her. A small whimper escaped her mouth when she accidentally rolled over and her side met the ground.

Lancelot did his best to comfort her, but Cara continued to whimper. The knight didn't know if they were from pain or from the troubling memories that haunted her mind. As Lancelot waited for Tristan to return; a light rain began to fall. Fog made its way across the valley and Cara shivered as the cold drops of rain touched her pale skin. The dark haired knight put a hand on her shoulder and rubbed it in soothing circles and pulled her cloak tighter around her, but still she shivered.

Tristan had scouted the area twice just to make sure that they would not lose another comrade tonight. Finally satisfied that the nearest Woad was a dead Woad, he doubled back and headed back to camp. The sight he saw both disturbed him and comforted him. He was glad to see the Lancelot had stayed by Cara, at least now she wouldn't feel so alone, but it was her features that haunted him.

Even in her dreams she appeared to be crying. She was so still and raindrop size tears seeped from underneath her closed lids. The young woman's eyes were still swollen and red and tears continued to make small windy trails down her pink cheeks. Suddenly her eyes shot open and they met with Tristan's dark gaze.

He made his way over toward her, though he said nothing, his presence was almost enough to offer her a small amount of comfort. She no longer cried, now that she was fully awake anyway. Cara was ashamed of herself for crying. It was something she did in secret and it was something that the other knights did not need to see. Cara had herself convinced that she was weak.

Tristan slipped his rough hand underneath her chin, forcing her sad, blue eyes to meet his stern gaze. He did not say anything to her, but it seemed his gaze was enough to pierce a piece of her shattered soul. As soon as he met her gaze he let he chin drop and her head drooped against her chest. She neither had the strength nor the will to hold her head high the way she used to.

Her father was wrong. There were times when there wasn't any light to find and this was one of those times. There was no light in death, only darkness. Surely, her father would have known that. He was not a fool. Cara glanced at the dying fire. She watched as the fiery embers slowly ceased to glow and eventually only smoke rose from the once blazing fire. All things had to die sometime, but it wasn't Gareth's time and that's what made her angry and upset. It wasn't his time.

Cara closed her eyes. She listened to the sounds of the forest as the crickets chirped in the background. She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knew she was being shaken awake. "Cara," a gentle, masculine voice said, as a hand rocked her shoulder. "Cara," he said louder. Cara opened her eyes slowly. The world was still dark outside, but there was a tiny hint of pink in the sky.

Cara said nothing as she pushed herself into a sitting position. She had a massive headache and her side burned beneath the bandage. Galahad looked on with worry when Cara didn't move to get up.

"Are you all right?" he asked. Cara didn't say anything. She simply nodded that she was well and tried to get up. Pain lanced up her left side and she cringed as she tried to ignore it. Galahad was kind enough to pull her to her feet.

It wasn't long before they were on their way once more. Cara rode behind the group to make sure they weren't being followed and Tristan rode ahead like always. Every now and then a knight would fall back to where she was. Cara knew they meant well by offering her company, but sometimes all Cara wanted was to be left alone. She didn't mind when Tristan would come and check on her.

He didn't attempt to communicate with her, instead he offered her his silent company. There wasn't anything anyone could do so they might as well give up on her. Cara didn't need their pity and she certainly didn't need their help. She was fine. At least that was what she was trying to convince herself.

Every now and then she would catch a disgusted look from Merrick, but that was normal. Merrick never did like her very much. He didn't care for her and he didn't care who knew. He was one of those men who felt that women didn't have a place on the battlefield, but it wasn't like she had a choice.


	5. Losing What Was Found, A World So Hollow

_**5 – Losing What Was Found, A World So Hollow**_

**FLASHBACK **

"PAPA!" the little girl yelled as she was ripped from her father's arms. She reached to latch onto her father, but the Roman pulled her further back. "PAPA!" she cried again.

"Please, she's all I have left. Please don't take her from me," her father begged latching on to the Roman's leg. The roman shoved him away, but her father latched on again. "Please, you can't take her from me. Please," he begged even more. Cara thought she saw her father crying. But she must have been mistaken. Her father never cried.

"Do you have a son?" the roman asked seriously. Cara's father shook his head vigorously. Cara could see the tears in his amber eyes. She had never seen him cry, even when her mother died, he did not cry. Why would he cry over her? It did not make sense to the twelve year old girl.

"No, please, please don't take my daughter." The Roman that held her pushed her into the arms of another and Cara struggled to get free. She didn't like the arms that were wrapped tightly around her. They felt like snakes, constricting her movement and suffocating their prey.

"If you have no sons then we will take her instead," he said pointing to Cara. He gave a nod to the Roman that had a hold of the young girl. The man pushed her toward a steel grey horse.

"No!" she protested, kicking and screaming. "PAPA!" Her father lunged for the roman, but he didn't do any damage. Without warning the Roman drove his sword straight through her father's abdomen. Her father doubled over and she could see the sword was stuck straight through him. Cara broke free of the unobservant Roman, who had loosened his hold.

She was almost at his side when a hand caught her arm, spinning her around to face the man that held her. She had expected it to be a Roman, but instead she was looking back into the eyes of Tristan. He said nothing, but his eyes said _'Be still.' _Cara did not heed him, but by the time she realized what was happening a Roman hand replaced Tristan's and she was be hauled toward the horse.

"PAPA!" she cried as the tears streamed down her face. The Roman pulled her away from her father and practically threw her on to the dark grey horse. He did not speak to her as he mounted his own horse and led her away from the tragedy that lay behind her.

Her people shouted the familiar battle cry behind her and she had to look behind her. There were her people standing tall and there was her father lying dead in front of them all. Cara forced herself to turn away and face the horizon that lay ahead of her, but no matter where she went she would never forget what lay behind her.

**END FLASHBACK **

Aiden plodded along and Cara shifted uncomfortably in the saddle. Her head drooped and her movements were slow. Her side ached without mercy, but she continued on. Here and there she'd take the time to catch her breath and try to rub the pain away, but it rarely helped. Kay caught her doing this more than once and she had been doing it more often in the past hour.

He fell back and waited as the other knights passed him. Cara was a little ways back and Kay patiently waited for her to catch up. When she did, she simply ignored his presence as she did with the others. "Are you well," he asked seriously, looking for any kind of emotion. Cara only nodded, signaling that she was fine, but Kay saw right through the lie.

"You aren't well, Cara, so stop lying. Your side has been bothering you and you're only making it worse by not telling anyone." She looked at him with a determined, almost angry stare and picked up her pace. Kay followed her closely. He hated it when she acted like this. She wouldn't ride with anyone unless she was too the point of unconsciousness and Kay knew better than to push her at a time like this.

Although right now, she was moving more toward the direction of exhaustion and soon she wouldn't have any other choice than to ride with one of them. Arthur would not let her harm herself further and Cara knew better than to argue with Arthur, especially when he was right.

As the day wore on a light snow began to fall. Cara pulled her cloak tighter against her in attempt to keep warm. She had grown weaker, though she did not want to admit it just yet, and to top it all off her side was bleeding again. She felt the familiar dampness spread over the thick white bandage. Oh well, it didn't matter anyway. She would either live or die and right now she was favoring the second option.

Kay had since resumed his position among the knights and the scouts had taken their place along each side. Tristan's hawk screeched overhead and Cara turned her head skyward. Arthur had been watching Cara closely all day. She wasn't well that much was for sure, but there was something else that troubled her. It was as if she was constantly fighting with her conscience.

They rode all day and thankfully it was a peaceful day. Arthur caught Cara staring at the grey over cast sky. When she tore her eyes away from the clouds they met Arthurs. He eyes were far different from their usual shade. Instead of her ocean colored orbs, her eyes matched the color of the sky. They were a dull grey-blue and there was a sense about them that haunted Arthur.

At last, the sky began to grow darker and Arthur called for the knights to make camp. Tristan and Cara had gone to scout the nearby area while the others sent up camp for the night. Tristan went one way and Cara went the other. She was relieved to finally be free of the constant stares and looks that she had received throughout the day, even if it was only for a little while.

Her black horse cantered over the terrain before coming to a halt at a cliff face. It was the exact same scene that she had seen just last night. It was the same overcast sky, the same mountains and valleys, and the same fog and mist that covered every inch of the peaks and basins. She breathed in deeply taking in all the scents. Pine, rain, and horse filled her nostrils.

Finally having had enough of the scenery and finding no known threat, she made her way slowly back to camp. She had lingered long enough and her thoughts were beginning to run away with her. She wasn't in a rush to get back, but Aiden was a fast horse, even when he walked. They were back at camp in no time. She dismounted and tied the black stallion with the other horses and was surprised that Tristan had returned before her.

There was a hot, blazing fie just like the night before and Cara took her place beside it. Dagonet appeared on the other side of her and began lifting her shirt to examine her wound. Cara wouldn't have it. She pushed his hands away from her and moved to a different spot, leaving a confused Dagonet behind. Dagonet never was one to give up easily, but when he saw her expressionless face, he knew that now was not the time and it would be best to leave her alone.

Kay had tossed her a piece of dried meat, but Cara let it land on the ground in front of her. She didn't move to pick it up. "You've got to eat, Cara," Dagonet said, having watched the exchange. She hadn't eaten anything all day. Cara only looked at Dagonet. Cara just couldn't eat. She wasn't hungry.

Merrick, who sat beside her, picked up the meat, dusted it off, and placed it in Cara's hand. "'Eat," he ordered. His tone left no room for argument, but Cara only held it in her hand. She didn't once raise it to her lips. Her fingers toyed with the dried rabbit that sat in her hand as she gazed at the flickering flames.

The knights that sat around the fire were not as happy or joyful as it was the previous night, but a few laughs were shared in attempts to lift their spirits. Cara just sat quietly, not listening to what was going on around her instead her head was somewhere entirely different.


	6. Suspended In A Compromise

_**6 – Suspended In a Compromise **_

**FLASHBACK **

Cara walked quickly across the Roman training grounds. She was young, only eleven. It had been two years since she was ripped from her father and taken from all she ever knew or loved, but there was nothing back home so there was no reason for returning. Her wandering mind had taken her away from the thought of where she was walking and she ran right into something solid.

Her thoughts came rushing back to her and her blue eyes met a green gaze. "I'm sorry," she mumbled shyly. "I wasn't paying attention." The boy was tall and lanky, but he was heavily muscled to the farm labor he had done prior to his service to Rome.

His brown hair was short and messy, but it gave him a sort of cute appearance. Like any girl she was drawn to him like a bee to honey. "The fault is mine," he countered. "I should have been watching out for a pretty girl such as you. My name is Gareth," he introduced, extending his hand.

Cara placed her small hand in his. "Cara," she said, following his example. Gareth intertwined their fingers. "Are you to be a knight of Rome," she asked, curiously.

"Aye, and are you a servant girl of some kind," he guessed. Cara shook her head.

"I am to be a knight as well." Gareth looked at her funny.

"No offense, but you're a girl and a little young."

"The Roman's didn't see my gender as a problem and as for age I'm eleven years old," she said proudly. "Besides you look a little young yourself."

"I'm fifteen," he answered, "that makes me four years older than you."

"So, older doesn't mean wiser," Cara put in.

"That's true I guess," Gareth agreed. It was a long while before they let go of each other's hands and it was a little longer after that until one of them spoke.

"So I guess this means we're friends?" Cara asked, hoping that she would at least have one friend among the knights.

"Yeah I guess it does," Gareth said, nodding and giving Cara's hand a small farewell kiss before heading toward another group of boys.

**END FLASHBACK **

"Cara?" Arthur asked. She didn't move. Her eyes were locked on the red and orange flames that flickered before her. Cara quivered as she held back the tears that accompanied the memory. "Cara?" he tried again. This time she raised her head. "Are you well?" he asked. It took a moment for Cara to register the question before nodding. Her side flared up when she shifted her position and she waited until no one was looking before placing her hand to the burning wound.

She hated Woads, she hated arrows, and above all she hated the Romans for forcing her into a life that was not meant for her. There was no longer sorrow in her eyes. Anger had replaced it and now her eyes burned black with hatred. Cara groaned when Gawain accidentally bumped her.

"Sorry," Gawain mumbled. Cara waved it off. She thought the pain would be gone in a minute, but it wasn't. In fact the pain didn't go away. All through the night she woke several times due to the unbearable pain that threatened to make her scream for mercy.

The next morning mounting up became difficult. She nearly let go of the saddle as pain threatened to overwhelm her, but she pushed past it and got herself seated on the horse. She was only riding for maybe an half the day when she began to slouch. Tristan was riding close by and saw the girl practically doubled over in the saddle.

Cara never slouched or slumped. She was a good rider and the only time she did this was when something was very wrong. "Arthur," he said, getting his commander's attention. Arthur looked to Tristan, who nodded his head toward Cara.

Arthur pushed his horse toward the scout's upon seeing Cara's barely conscious figure. She was swaying in the saddle when he reached her and when he placed his bare hand upon her clammy forehead; he felt the heat that radiated off her fare skin. Her eyes were closed and her head hung low. The other knights had stopped as well, but did not approach. Instead, they watched from a distance. "Cara?" Arthur asked, cupping her small, heart-shaped face in his palm. "Cara, can you hear me?" Cara didn't respond.

Tristan rode closer and pulled up her shirt swiftly. The bandage was stained red and he forced his expression to remain stoic, despite his rising anger. He lifted the edges gently and found what he had expected to find. It was inflamed and hot to the touch. Tristan covered it up as soon as he saw what the problem was.

Cara was barely conscious, but she still felt herself being lifted off her horse and placed in front of another rider. She squirmed in the saddle, but the man behind her held her firmly against his chest to limit her movements. It she became off balanced at any time, the weight of the two riders was enough to tip the horse and that would be the last thing that they needed right now. Tristan held Cara against him as they rode. It was no surprise that she hadn't told anyone about how badly her side had been bothering her. She was stubborn and very proud. Cara groaned uncontrollably when the grey horse stumbled.

The knights would have to stop soon. Cara's fever had risen and Tristan was struggling to keep her balanced in the saddle. "Arthur, we have to stop," Tristan informed. Cara couldn't go on any longer. She wasn't balanced and the horse was stumbling more frequently causing her great pain.

Arthur looked back at him and then at the girl that lay limp in his arms. "Give her to Gawain and scout around," Arthur ordered. Gawain was the closest of the knights and Tristan gently handed Cara over to him. Her protested whimpers sent a chill down each of the knight's spines. It was something they didn't see often and they hated it when one of their own was in such a state.


	7. The Silence Of This Sound

_**7 – The Silence of the Sound Is Soon to Follow**_

Gawain was astonished at the amount of heat radiating off her. She was like a furnace yet she shivered the moment the cold air blew. The blonde knight pulled the girl closer to him in an attempt to keep her somewhat warm, but minded her injury with great care. The knights plodded on fighting the blowing snow that fell heavily from the dark sky.

It had taken Tristan about an hour to scout the area until he returned to the group. Thankfully, there was no danger within the range that Tristan had scouted and Arthur stopped them in a small wintery glade.

They didn't want to set her on the cold, wet ground, but there was nowhere else for her. Gawain wrapped her cloak as well as his tightly around her and set her gently on the ground. Galahad and Bors had already gathered what dry wood they could find and were now starting on the fire.

Merrick, having wanting no part in this, took it upon himself to care for the tried horses that were tied a few feet away. Dagonet didn't waste time. He immediately went to Cara and as gently as he could, removed her armor. He lifted her shirt as carefully and gently as he could without jostling her.

It was indeed infected, just as Tristan had observed. He fingered the soft tissue around the infection and Cara jerked at the painful contact. "Cara," he said softly, testing the level of her unconsciousness. Cara's head lolled back and forth, her lips parted, as if to answer, but only a groan escaped them. Her heavy lips closed.

She heard her name being called once more, but she couldn't open her mouth to respond. Her lips felt heavy, like they were glued together. She imagined the amount of energy it would take to respond and her weariness overcame her will and she gave up the futile attempt and sank deeper into the darkness.

Dagonet sat there a moment as he thought of how he wanted to approach this. Finally he signaled for Bors and Tristan. Both were strong, mentally and physically and they could handle the job of holding her still. Dagonet heated one of Tristan's daggers in the now roaring fire. As the blade warmed, the gentle man removed the dried blood that clung to the infected flesh.

He grabbed the now glowing blade from the fire and looked to the two men that held the young woman. Each gave a nod and Dagonet wasted to time in pressing the blade firmly against her inflamed skin. Cara's limp body jerked involuntarily at the pain and a small whimper escaped her lips. He flung the blade away as soon as it was done and he wrapped the wound with a new cloth before pulling her damp shirt back down and placing a spare blanket over her.

The knights watched as Cara slept. She tossed and turned in her delirium. Dagonet attempted to keep her fever down, but each time the cool cloth touched her skin; she would shiver and try to escape the cold. Arthur merely looked on and waited for her to show some sign of improvement. Cara was a strong young woman, but the latest series of events had weakened her severely.

Cara groaned when she rolled onto her side. Sweat beaded on her forehead and Dagonet struggled to keep her still. Cara thrashed as soon as hands were laid upon her. Her incoherent mumbles haunted the knights. Merrick was his usual self and showed his despise for the girl. Lancelot and Tristan both looked on with worry, though Tristan did not let his show.

Cara's fevered eyes snapped open at the sound of a snapping twig. Blurred shapes of men hovered by her side and Cara screamed in fear. Her fright intensified when a pair of strong hands prevented her from rising. "Shh…it's alright," Dagonet soothed. "You're alright." Cara continued her blind struggle to escape the strangers that held her.

"No!" she screamed. "Let me go!" she cried. She thrashed against the restraining arms, but they did budge. She cried out as her injured side made contact with the hard earth and her movements stilled. Pain enveloped her and she wished for nothingness. Cara could only lay there with her eyes closed and her body still.

She groaned when large, gentle hands rolled her onto her back. She heard soft, soothing murmurs that comforted her. Her muscles relaxed, but instantly tensed at sudden contact. She tried to speak, but her throat was dry and no sound came from her parched lips.

Some sort of liquid was brought to her lips, but Cara refused. She turned her head away from the cool, refreshing substance. It was so cold. A different set of hands locked her head in his grasp and this time he made her drink. The water found its way down her throat and after a few sips her throat seemed to feel better.

All through the night she tossed and turned, trying to escape the endless nightmares that plagued her tired mind. She was never alone though. Each knight took their turn in watching over her, including Merrick. It was during his shift that he gained a newfound respect for Cara.

He admired her strength and courage, but there was still a small amount of hatred that burned within him. Cara had tried to roll on her side more than once during his shift and he was forced to push her back. Each time he touched her, a small piece of that hatred disappeared; he also had to feel the fiery heat that radiated of her pale skin and this let him know that Cara's fever still raged. He had taken the last shift which left him to wake the others. Dagonet checked on Cara as soon as he rose and he face remained emotionless as he did so.

There was no emotion that any knight could read which meant Cara's condition had not changed. She mumbled incoherent words and jerked whenever someone touched her. The knights began to wonder just how close she and Gareth had been, but they also wondered if she would ever be the same free spirited, fiery young woman they once knew.

They set out once more hoping that her fever would break, but Dagonet didn't give anyone hope. She was placed in front of Gawain and Aiden was tied behind Galahad. They rode all day at a steady pace, and Cara seemed to be taking a turn for the worse. The knights had to stop around mid-day due to Cara's endless thrashing and her bone chilling cries.

Tristan scouted around like he usually did and the remaining knights built a fire and worked on keeping Cara as silent and as comfortable as they could. Arthur was forced to gag the fevered girl due to her delirious cries for help. She could easily give away their position to a nearby enemy and there would be no way to protect her if a fight broke out.

Night had fallen and the silent scout returned and informed them that the area was safe and deserted. He didn't go near the sick girl; instead he looked on with worried eyes. It wasn't like him to grow attached to things, but Cara was his sister in a sense and the thought of losing her made his unbreakable heart crack.

After a few hours Cara stopped thrashing. Her movement stopped all together. Feared that she had passed, Dagonet put a shaky hand at the base of her jaw. A sigh of relief escaped him when he felt her steady pulse beating beneath his fingertips. It was a breath that he didn't know he'd been holding. She slept peacefully now. Relieved that her fever had broken, the knights settled down for the night as well, all except Lancelot who had taken the first watch. He watched the sleeping girl closely, making sure that she was well. Every now and then she would shift or roll over, but Lancelot stayed close to make sure she did not further injure herself.

Arthur had taken the last watch and he was there when Cara woke. The girl's eyes opened suddenly as if she had awoken from a nightmare. She bolted up from where she lay, but instantly regretted the action. Her head swam and her vision blurred. Her right hand automatically went to her pounding forehead. Too weak to support herself; she collapsed back to the ground.

Arthur, seeing that Cara had awoken, made his way over to her. Cara only lay there. She was in so much pain that she was afraid to move. Arthur put a gentle hand on her forehead and was glad that the fever had not returned. Again she tried to rise, but once again her shaky arms gave out on her. "Easy," Arthur soothed, pressing her against the cool earth. He removed his hands, knowing that Cara would not try to rise again, but he was dead wrong.

Cara once again tried to sit up. She was determined to beat her weakness, but just like the other times, her limbs gave out and she felt herself falling back yet again. This time Arthur caught her and eased her gently back to the ground. "Don't wear yourself out," Arthur ordered softly. "You are still weak." Cara wanted to protest, but found that she neither had the strength nor the will to argue.

Instead, she let herself relax on the cool earth. She was almost out of it when every memory came rushing back to her in one swift motion. The clouds, the Woads, Gareth, it all came back. Tears found their way to the surface once more, but Cara cried silently.

She refused to let Arthur know that she was awake. Cara kept her eyes closed and she felt the silent tears run out from underneath her eyelids, down her cheeks, and landing in the moss beneath her. The icy wind seemed to freeze the tears and her cheeks felt raw in the cold. A warm blanket was placed around her and she felt strong arms lift her into the saddle.


	8. Somehow, Sundown

_**8 – Somehow, Sundown**_

She didn't know who she rode with. Now that her eyes were closed, she didn't want to open them for fear of what she might see. They couldn't be that far away from the battle and she certainly didn't want to see the dead natives that probably littered the bloody ground. She groaned involuntarily when the horse beneath her stumbled. She heard a voice in the distance and eventually it began to get closer and clearer.

"Cara," the voice called gently. Cara knew that voice, but couldn't place the name. "Cara," it called again. It had a ghostly tone to it, but she knew that voice. "Cara," it called once more. Finally the name came. Cara's eyes snapped open.

"Gareth," she breathed, it was the first word she had spoken sense that night and her voice was low and strained. A set of arms tightened around her.

"Shh…," a voice soothed from behind her. Cara turned her head only to see Lancelot riding behind her. Realizing that it must have been a dream Cara sank deeper into the saddle and pulled the warm blankets tighter around her. It broke her heart that the sweet voice was a dream. She felt Lancelot's grip tighten. It seemed to relax her tense muscles.

She suppressed a whimper of both pain and anguish that threatened to make itself known. "Are you well?" Lancelot asked. Cara remained still for a minute. She tried to answer verbally, but she feared that if she spoke only whimpers would come out. Cara finally nodded, signaling that she was well. She looked to see who had the burden of dragging Aidan and found that Galahad had him tied to his saddle.

One thing was certain, Aidan wasn't happy. He whinnied and bucked, wanting to be free like he always was. Cara watched the stallion in awe. It seemed as time went in slow motion for her. The stallions head bobbed up and down as he tried to escape the rope that bound him to the other animal. Galahad didn't seem pleased about his newfound charge either.

His eyes were angry and annoyed with the prancing animal that slowed him down. Aidan was practically dragging Galahad backwards. To top it all off his horse was receiving vibes from Aiden, sending him into a mood. Galahad struggled to keep both horses under control, but still he didn't complain.

Cara pulled her bare arms out from underneath the blanket. She only now realized that her armor was no longer on her and that everything of hers was placed on Aiden. She wore the spare change of clothes that she had in her saddle bags and she wondered who had changed her. It was an embarrassing thought, but there wasn't much she could do about it now.

Lancelot slowed his horse and made a point of pulling the blanket back over her before continuing on. Again, Cara shoved the blanket off of her. "You'll freeze," Lancelot stated in a matter of fact tone. Cara didn't listen. She shoved his arm away from her, but only after she did so did she realize that he was supporting her. Cara nearly fell out off the horse with the lack of support and Lancelot's arm was once again pulling her against him. "Rest," he commanded softly, but once again Cara didn't listen. Lancelot sighed in frustration.

She was determined to ride on her own. It would make both and Aidan and Galahad happy. She squirmed in Lancelot's arms and this only made his grip tighten. He halted his black horse and waited for Cara to stop her useless struggling, but she didn't stop. Lancelot's horse began to dance under the unbalanced weight and Lancelot struggled to rein him in while keeping Cara in the saddle. The other knights had stopped and waited for their fellow knight to regain control.

It was a form of amusement that made the knights smile, including Tristan. "Having a bit of trouble, Lancelot?" Bors taunted. Lancelot only sent him a glare and continued to fight with the knight in his arms and the prancing horse beneath him. It pleased them that Cara had retained some of her old habits.

Eventually, Cara won, and she slipped off the horse. However, when she landed her knees buckled under her and she sank to the ground. Cara struggled to rise on her own in her still weak state, but Lancelot had already dismounted. He put one arm around her waist and he swung her up it his arms. Cara struggled a bit, before realizing it was useless.

Lancelot placed her back on his horse quickly, before mounting up behind her. Lancelot placed the blanket around her once more and with his free arm, he pulled her tightly against his chest. He felt Cara tense against his touch, but she didn't squirm like she had before. Instead, she remained still. Her head was turned to the side and rested on his shoulder. Lancelot felt her tears stain his sleeve, but he didn't move. He continued on and let her cry without saying a word. She needed to cry. It was good for her even though she may not think so.

At last her crying stopped and Cara opened her eyes. They were red and bloodshot from the recent events, but the other knights rode too far away to notice. She was still and silent in Lancelot's arms. For the rest of the day she did not move and she did not speak. Her face was still as white as the snow that covered the ground, but her fever was gone and that was all that mattered. Lancelot felt her shiver in his arms as a light wind came across the valley. He drew her closer to him, to help retain body heat and she drew the blanket up to her chin.

Tristan had gone to scout, just like always, Cara made a move to follow him, but Lancelot stopped her. "No you don't," he said tightening his grip. Cara sent him an angry glare, but Lancelot only grinned. It had been about an hour when Cara saw Tristan riding full speed toward them.

"Woads!" he warned, coming to a halt in front of his commander.

"How many," Arthur inquired, but it was too late. The knights heard the rebel yells and looked to see a band of Woads both riding and running toward them. Tristan aimed three arrows at the rebels and they all hit their mark. The rest of the knights drew their weapons and Lancelot was about to when Arthur yelled at him. "Lancelot, get Cara out of here!" he screamed. Lancelot wanted to protest, but he urged his black stallion back the way they had come.


	9. And Finding Answers

_**9 – And Finding Answers**_

Cara did not speak, but she grabbed a hold of the reins and stopped the horse abruptly. She squirmed out of Lancelot's grasp and slid off the large horse. Her legs wobbled beneath her when she hit the ground, but that didn't stop her. She wouldn't let any more of her brothers die. She saw a frightened Aidan galloping toward her. Cara held up a hand and the horse stopped, obeying the familiar command. She had her bow in her hand when arms surrounded her from behind restricting her movements.

Cara was unbalanced at the sudden attack and she collapsed against the person that held her, but that didn't stop her from struggling. Lancelot held her firmly. "Stop fighting me," he whispered in her ear, but Cara continued to fight back despite Lancelot's pleas. He couldn't let her go into battle. She was still too weak and there was no way she would be able to hold her own.

Lancelot dragged Cara away from the battle and away from the pitch black horse that stood before them. Her bow clattered to the frozen ground and she attempted to push the dark hair knight away, but he held onto her thrashing form. "Cara, stop," he commanded softly, but she didn't listen. "Cara, stop fighting me!"

Lancelot dragged her toward the tree line where his horse stood waiting. Cara screamed, but Lancelot's hand was pressed over her mouth to silence her. "Stop," he said shaking her. "Stop. Stop." His grip tightened around her, restricting her movements. Lancelot could feel her struggles weakening and her screams were becoming softer. She was tiring.

She whirled herself around to face him and she beat against his chest, hoping his hold would break. Though she did not speak he could hear the silent plea to let her go in her anguished cries. Her fists came down hard on the knight's chest and he captured her small wrists in his firm grasp before she could strike him again.

She fell against him, sobbing. Her tears stained his armor and he could feel the dampness seep through to his skin. "Shh…," he soothed, holing her head firmly against him. After a moment of crying, she stopped. She raised her tear stained face and looked Lancelot right in the eye. He lips quavered and her body shook as she tried to suppress the sobs.

Lancelot pulled her tighter against him, in an attempt to comfort her. He could feel her body shaking, but she wasn't crying. He held her close and looked out at the battle that was beginning to die down. He watched the Woads retreat into the woods. The knights caught their frightened mounts and quickly made their way over to Cara, who faced away from them.

Arthur didn't say anything. He could read everything in Lancelot's piercing gaze and it was not pleasant. The commanding officer moved around so that he could look at Cara. She was the same beautiful girl she had always been only now she seemed off.

Her golden hair seemed dull as it masked her face. Arthur gently pushed away the strands of hair that covered the red, tear stained flesh. He saw the same blue eyes he had always seen, but instead of looking like vast oceans that you could get lost in, they were like storm clouds. He cupped her face in his hand gently and when he met her gaze she turned away. She buried her head deep in Lancelot's broad chest and waited for someone to wake her up from this endless nightmare.

Cara was once again placed in front of Lancelot and rode with him for the remainder of the day. When night fell the knights exactly what they did ever night. Tristan scouted, Kay and Merrick hunted, and the rest of them set up camp, all except Cara.

She sat on a rock a little ways away from where the fire would soon be. Dagonet sat near her as he examined the wound that seemed to be healing nicely. He poked and prodded a little more than was needed and Cara jerked several times at the pain. Dagonet would always apologize, but Cara never spoke.

She remained on the rock, even after Dagonet left to sit by the fire with the rest of the knights. When he returned and Cara didn't Arthur became worried. This was defiantly not like Cara. He got up from where he sat and made his way over to the silent girl that sat alone. The knights' eyes followed him and their ears were focused on what Arthur had to say, although he was too far away and his voice was too low for any of them to hear.

"Cara?" Arthur said softly, coming up behind her. Cara's head whipped around to face the owner of the voice. She only looked at him and their gazes remained locked for only a few minutes before Arthur gestured to the space beside her. "May I?" he asked. Cara dropped her head and nodded. She turned her back to the fire as Arthur took a seat beside her.

It was silent for a few moments because Arthur really didn't know how to start this type of conversation. "I know that you're going through a tough time right now," he said looking at the ground. She wasn't looking at him anyway. "But understand that he meant something to us as well." This time he looked at Cara to see if he could read her face, but there was nothing. It was just as blank and passive as always.

"Cara, I need to know if you can hear me. In order for this to work you need to speak as well." Cara sent him a glare that he easily read. _'I don't want to talk.' _"Please, Cara," he begged, but Cara said nothing. She only sat there. Arthur didn't want to push her, but she needed to get over it. Realizing that he wouldn't get anywhere tonight he moved to go back to knights that sat round the fire, hoping the woman would follow.

Cara remained where she sat. Her eyes were locked on the scenery and her back was still turned away from the fire. "Come on, Cara," Arthur prompted, holding out his hand. Cara didn't move. She didn't even look at his outstretched hand. Arthur bent down in front of her and she had to meet his gaze. "You can either come back willingly or I can drag you back."

Cara pondered the offer before rising. Arthur followed her the whole way back and he was surprised that she sat next to Merrick. The knight she sat by paid her no heed and went back to the conversation he was having with Bors. Having wanting no part in any conversation that the knights were having, she went to bed. However, the peaceful sleep that she had fallen into did not last for very long.

Cara's nightmares returned just as the knights were settling in and Tristan, being the closest, rushed to silence the screaming, frightened knight. Tristan's hold on her was both deadly and gentle. His hand was pressed tightly against her mouth and only muffled screams were heard. His other arm restrained her violent, thrashing form. The other knights watched the silent scout try to sooth the woman, and finally she stopped screaming and her thrashing ended.

Warily, Tristan lifted his hand and when he knew she wouldn't scream, he let it fall to his side. He watched her a few moments more before turning to his own bed. The rest of the knights remained wary of Cara. They didn't want anything to set her off again. One by one they fell asleep, until only Lancelot remained awake. He wondered if Cara would ever be ridden of the nightmares that haunted her during the endless nights and the terrible memories that disturbed her during the long days when she had nothing else to dwell on.


	10. Is Forgetting all Of The Questions

_**10 – Is Forgetting All of the Questions We Called Home **_

The next morning was no different than the ones before. Cara didn't speak and she merely packed up silently. Arthur once again attempted to get her to speak with him, but she said nothing. Cara felt strong enough to ride on her own today, but the knights watched her warily.

It would be a few days before the gash was fully healed and she was back to normal, but Dagonet reassured the knights that she was fit to ride, though it didn't ease their worried minds. They had lost Gareth. They couldn't bear to lose their only sister so soon.

Cara resumed her position behind the knights. She listened to the nature around her. The birds were singing gaily as they always did and Cara didn't like it. She couldn't understand how the birds could sing at a time such as this. Clouds covered the bright sun and a few drops of rain fell from the dark sky. A soft wind whipped the through the trees and the branches swayed. Tristan's hawk screeched overhead, but Cara did not look up. Hearing the mournful cry was enough.

A few tears ran down her cheek at the memories. During the day when she rode by herself, Cara couldn't escape the memories. There was nothing stopping her mind from running away with her. The moment she saw Gareth in her memories was the moment she focused on Aidan. The black stallion beneath her was plodding along like he usually did. He merely followed the knights because he knew where his master belonged.

A flock of birds flew out of the trees spooking the black horse. Cara held onto his mane as Aidan reared and tossed his head. The other knights turned around at Aidan's whinny. They watched as Aidan stood on his hind legs and they waited for Cara to slip from the saddle.

She was stronger than they believed her to be and it annoyed her to no end. Aidan's hooves were once again on the ground and Cara stroked his neck soothingly. Lancelot let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. The knights continued on. All except Arthur, who waited for Cara to catch up to him.

Cara sent him a brief glance as she passed knowing what was coming. "Cara, I know you are hurting," he said simply, keeping his eyes on the road ahead of him. "I know that Gareth meant a lot to you." Cara winced at the sound of his name. She felt the immense sadness well up in her chest. "But he's gone now."

Cara couldn't control the tears that fell. He wasn't gone. He wasn't. He couldn't be. Cara shook her head, denying his previous statement. Arthur was forced to look at the girl the rode beside him. It was now that he realized what Lancelot had said that night. Cara was broken. Her heart and soul were shattered.

Her determination was gone. It was like she gave up on everything. It was as though she was in a daze and no one could pull her from the endless nightmare. Arthur tore his gaze away from her. He couldn't look at her anymore. She just wasn't the Cara he knew. He rode beside her for a few more moments before picking up his pace and riding amongst the knights once more. Cara couldn't ignore the memories this time and she let them swallow her.

**FLASHBACK **

"Block. Parry," Gareth coached as Cara battled against him on the practice field. The thirteen year old was no match for the stronger seventeen year old, but the practice was good. "Keep your eyes on me," he ordered as Cara looked to the side. "Keep moving," he said, as she stopped to block one of his blows.

"Stay focused," he said whirling around behind her. Cara was good, but she wasn't ready for combat yet. She had made so many mistakes that she would have been dead long ago. Cara swung for him, but he easily blocked it. Their swords clashed until Gareth finally won the upper hand and Gareth's sword was at her throat. "If this were real you'd be dead by now."

"Good thing it's not," Cara shot back. She back up and pushed his sword away with her own. "Again." Gareth shook his head, smiling.

"You don't give up easy do you?"

"Again," Cara repeated, twirling her sword like a baton. Without warning Gareth attacked and Cara wasn't ready. She was thrown to the ground at the unexpected blow. "Always pay attention," Gareth said as Cara stared at the sword that was once again at her throat. Cara swung her legs right under Gareth's and he fell to the ground hard. Cara was on her feet and now her sword replaced Gareth's.

"Follow your own advice," she said smiling. She removed her sword and extended her hand. Gareth accepted and heaved himself to his feet.

"Well played," he commended. Cara shrugged her shoulders.

"You're still better," she countered.

"Only because I've had more practice," he said, making her feel better. Cara and Gareth walked over to the knights that had watch from a distance.

"Good job, Cara," Bors praised, slapping her on the back. Cara had the wind knocked out of her for a moment.

"Take it easy, Bors," Gareth scolded, seeing Cara's discomfort. Bors only laughed, but Gareth put a hand on her shoulder. "You okay," he asked, looking her right in the eye.

"I'm fine," she answered, still trying to catch her breath. She gazed back into his green eyes and got lost in the dense forests.

**END FLASHBACK **

Cara snapped back into reality. The memory was haunting, but clear like it happened only yesterday. She could remember each and every detail. She remembered what he had worn that day and each of the words he said. A small part of her screamed that this was wrong. She shouldn't be thinking about such things. A small part also screamed that Gareth was dead and he wouldn't be coming back.

However, a larger part refused to believe that. Her heart told her that he was still alive and she refused to believe otherwise. Aidan snorted in boredom as he trudged along behind the knights. Cara stroked his soft, silky neck. She didn't like the slow pace either. It gave her more time to think which was something she would rather not do.

"Cara!" Galahad called. She looked up and met the eyes of the youngest knight. He waved a hand, beckoning her toward him. She kicked Aidan into a steady lope. The black horse was eager to go and relished the change in pace. His gait was smooth as she made her way toward the waiting knight.

She didn't say anything when she reached him, but her eyes were curious and they spoke for her. "Are you alright?" he asked. Cara took a minute before nodding. It was all she seemed to do now. A nod here a shake of her head there. That was all she did. Galahad understood that she was grieving, but Cara never, ever stopped speaking. To put it in plain terms Gareth's death had struck her dumb.

"Arthur wishes for you to stay closer," Galahad said, relaying his commander's message. Arthur had hoped she might talk to one of the others, but so far Galahad wasn't having any luck. Cara looked at the young knight coldly. She was able to take care of herself whether he believed it or not. Galahad walked beside her silently for a few paces, before he broke it.

"I'm sorry about Gareth," he said softly. There was his name again. Her chest tightened and her heart nearly stopped beating. She felt the sadness well up once again and felt the salty tears brim her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. "You need to realize something, Cara," he began. "Gareth is gone. He's not coming back."

Cara could tell he was trying to be pleasant about telling her to get over it, but the way he said things made it seem like Gareth didn't matter to him at all. Cara's eyes no longer held tears of sadness, but tears of anger. She halted Aidan abruptly. "Cara…" Galahad began, but it was too late. The damage was done.

Cara kicked Aidan into a fast gallop and headed for the woods. "Cara!" Galahad called after her, but she didn't stop. The tears flowed down her cheeks as she fled into the trees and away from all she knew.


	11. Passing The Graves Of The Unknown

_**11 – Passing the Graves of the Unknown**_

The knights watched the fleeing Cara and all eyes turned to the foolish dark haired knight. "I didn't mean to hurt her," he said regretfully, turning to the astonished knights. Lancelot wanted to kill the youngster.

"But you did," he spat harshly, getting ready to ride after her. A hand gripped his forearm firmly and he looked to see Tristan staring back at him. Cara needed some time alone.

"Let her go," Tristan said simply, before turning his horse and continuing forward. The scout knew she needed the time alone. If she didn't return in an hour then he would go looking for her. Lancelot turned his gaze back to the tree line, but Cara had already disappeared.

The jet black horse continued to carry his mistress through the trees. He jumped a fallen log with ease and carried her deeper and deeper into the forest. Finally he felt the familiar tug on his bridle and slowed, before finally coming to a halt by a large oak. Cara didn't bother getting off instead she collapsed on his back in silent sobs.

The horse waited patiently. He would turn his head and nuzzle her dangling leg gently, but Cara's crying continued. She wanted to stay here forever. She didn't want to, no, she couldn't go back to the knights. That lifestyle served as a constant reminder of Gareth and she could take another second. Let alone another year.

Cara forced herself to stop crying. She wiped her eyes with her cloak before sitting straight up. Without warning Aidan spun around, nearly jostling Cara out of the saddle. She clung to the leather as the horse bolted through the forest. She saw the light ahead and knew the forest was ending. The ore out of the trees and turned sharply as he headed for the knights. As they went further Cara could make out their dark silhouettes ahead.

Once she realized that Aidan was taking her back she grabbed the reins and pulled back hard, but that didn't stop the beast. He continued on, fighting the bit the whole way. As he drew closer his pace slowed. Aiden resumed his normal position behind the knights, much to Cara's dismay. Merrick turned around and looked at her. His gaze was piercing and it showed a small hint of anger. Cara lowered her head in shame.

It was a good thing she had a horse like Aidan. It was a foolish and shameful act for her to run away like that. She was going to abandon her brother's in arms just like that. Cara mentally degraded herself as she rode with her head hung low. A glance was sent her way now and then, but nothing else. No words were exchanged for fear that she would take off into the forest like a frightened deer. Cara kept her gaze on the snow in front of her. She followed the hoof prints and Aidan followed the horses. They were a good match. Tristan had his hawk and Cara had her horse.

They made camp in a grove of trees that night. It was too wet to start a fire so they would have to do without. Cara did not scout as she usually did. Instead she removed Aidan's saddle, brushed him down, and spent time with him. The other knights were chatting a few ways off, but Cara could only hear bits and pieces over the pounding rain that hit the thick canopy. It provided a shelter for them and hardly any rain made it through the dense match of leaves and branches.

Cara once again didn't speak; she only stood there leaning heavily on Aidan as she ran her fingers through his mane. The horse pawed the ground when she scratched his withers. She jumped up on him bareback and leaned back so that her head rested on his rump. Aidan didn't move. Cara's legs dangled and her fingers ran through the horse's thin coat.

Her eyes were locked on the canopy above her. Here and there drops of water would fall on her, but Cara didn't mind. It felt refreshing. She turned her head toward the knights that sat in a group. "I hate this bloody island," Gawain said. Cara didn't hear what he said after that, but she did hear a piece of what Bors said.

"―washes all the blood away." Cara thought about this statement only because she had time to. This heavy rain would wash the blood away. Not just the Woads who had been killed, but Gareth's as well. Cara got lost in thought for a moment before coming out of it. She felt Aidan shift his position beneath her. Cara would have gotten off, but she couldn't. She imagined the energy it would take to get off and go sit with the others. She also imagined the awkward situation it would put the knights in.

They were cautious of her now and didn't say much around her. They were afraid that she would take off again and next time she might not come back. Cara remained where she was and that was where she planned on sleeping, but Lancelot ruined that plan.

He didn't say anything as he practically dragged her off the black horse. Cara sent him a glare, but he ignored it. He led Cara to where the other knights sat and she plopped down a foot away, refusing to go any further. Lancelot wanted to drag her closer, but Cara refused to budge. Her eyes didn't meet his and she didn't look at the knights.

Cara faced the ground and her eyes were locked on the mud colored snow. The dark haired knight let go of her hand and sat down next to her. He wrapped and arm around and pulled her close, but as soon as he had done so, Cara was up and away from him. Anger and disapproval was evident in her grey orbs.

The knight stared back at her. Cara relaxed slightly and made her way over to him slowly. She sat down next to him, but watched his every move out of the corner of her eye. Lancelot didn't move and he didn't attempt to put his arm around her. Cara hugged her knees and rested her head in the crooks of her arms.

Lancelot wanted to pull her close to him. He wanted to hug her and never let go. He wanted to make sure she knew that she wasn't and never would be alone.


	12. As Reason Clouds My Eyes

_**12 – As Reason Clouds My Eyes, With Splendor Fading **_

Cara made sure that Lancelot stayed away from her. Gareth was still alive. He wouldn't leave her like that. He wouldn't cheat her and everyone else by dying before his time was up. Gareth wouldn't do that. He wouldn't. He made a promise to her and Cara couldn't believe that he would break it.

Cara shivered as a cold breeze blew and she hugged herself tighter. Lancelot reached out to touch her, but he rethought what would happen and he let his hand fall. After a few moments he moved to sit with the other knights. Cara didn't notice. Her eyes were closed and she was lost in her thoughts.

There he was. Clad in his armor and seated on his bay stallion. His medium length brown hair waved slightly in the breeze. He stood on the hill watching her, his green eyes boring into her soul. She couldn't look away. Her eyes were transfixed on the man that was stationed at the top of the hill before her.

Cara had to look up to see him. She stood just below the hill in the valley. His bow was slung over his shoulder and his sword hung in the scabbard attached to his belt. He was watching her and not his surroundings.

She heard the familiar rebel cries and her head whirled to the left. A blue painted warrior hung in the shadows of the trees. A mist hung near the forest's edge and Gareth was only watching her. Cara screamed for him, but no sound came from her lips. The Woad had a malicious grin spread across his face.

"Gareth," she tried to scream, but it came out as a whisper. She tried again, but its volume didn't increase. She had one other option and that was run. She tried to run, but her legs felt like lead and she could only go a few feet before the dirt came up to meet her.

She looked at Gareth, who still watched her, and then to the Woad. The blue man still had a mysterious and devilish grin plastered on his face. She knew what was coming. The man nocked an arrow to the bow that had appeared out of thin air. Cara tried to rise, but her limbs wouldn't move.

Again, she tried to scream his name, but now it was as though she was saying it. Gareth's eyes never left her. She glanced back at the Woad. He drew the arrow back. She watched the tension on the bowstring increase. "NO!" she screamed. Her voice worked.

"Gareth!" she cried in warning, but it was too late. She looked back at the Woad. His bow quavered at the amount of tension. Then it was gone. The arrow disappeared from the bow and she watched as it flew directly into Gareth's heart.

Still his eyes were on her as he slumped forward and fell from the horse. The stallion reared in fright. "GARETH!" she screamed, louder this time. She was shaking or something was shaking her, hard. She watched as the horse and fallen rider disappeared into the ominous fog that now loomed over the land. "Gareth!" she nearly screamed again, but her voice was hoarse and strained.

The shaking didn't stop and her eyes flew open to meet Gawain's worried gaze. He had those same green eyes as Gareth's only his were lighter. For a moment she thought it was Gareth until she saw the hair.

He was the one shaking her. It was only a dream. She looked at the sleeping knights. Dagonet, Bors, Galahad, Lancelot, Tristan, Merrick, Arthur, Kay, and Gawain; Gareth was missing. She counted again just to make sure she didn't miss him.

She didn't. She looked up at Gawain. "Where's Gareth?" she asked, like it was an everyday question. There was no emotion in her voice. There was no hint of sadness or sorrow. The blonde knight didn't know what to say. Cara looked up at him with childish eyes, waiting for an answer.

"He's gone, Cara," Gawain said simply. Cara didn't move. She sat frozen like a statue at the words. No he wasn't. He couldn't be. It had been a dream, just a bad dream. Gawain put an arm around her and attempted to pull her into a hug, but she pushed him away. He wasn't dead. "Cara…" Gawain called, as she rose to her feet.

Cara moved to run off, but Gawain was quicker and he caught her by the wrist spinning her back. Her soft eyes begged him to let her go, but his grip didn't loosen. If anything it tightened as she tried to escape his death hold. She struggled against him for a moment before giving up on the hopeless task. He was stronger and she knew it.

"He's not dead," she whispered. It was so low Gawain almost didn't catch what she said.

"Cara, he's gone," Gawain tried to reason, but the girl shook her head in refusal.

"No," she denied softly.

"Cara, Gareth is dead. He's not coming back," he said shaking her roughly. Cara stopped moving. Her body became rigid and she simply stood there. Her eyes bored into Gawain's looking for this to be some kind of a heatless joke, but there was no mirth. Only truth shown there and Cara realized that Gareth was indeed gone.

Gawain didn't know what to do. He let go of her wrist and she fell to the ground. Gawain was too late to catch her once he realized what was happening. She merely sat there. Her face held pain and anguish as though she had just taken a blow.

Cara felt the overwhelming sadness well up inside her heart and this time she couldn't stop the tears that flowed down her cheeks like rivers. Gawain, attempted to pull her close once again, but like the first time, she pushed him away.

He let go of her and waited for her to run, but she didn't move. Gawain understood her pain. After all Gareth was his little brother and if anyone had failed him it was him. That is what probably got Gawain the most. Cara seemed so distant and she wasn't even related to him. Gawain had been terribly upset, but he went on with his life. That was something that Cara just couldn't seem to do.

The knight continued to watch her. The worry was evident in his eyes. He watched her closely, making sure that she wasn't going to run. When he was sure she was going to stay there he got up and moved back to where he had been sleeping. As soon as he had lain down Cara was up. Gawain realized this the moment he heard footsteps and when he looked to where Cara had been sitting she was no longer there.

He saw her retreating form. Gawain moved to follow her, but a hand was on his shoulder. He half expected it to be Tristan, but it wasn't instead it was Arthur. His gaze told Gawain to stay put. This time Arthur was going after her and Gawain had a feeling it wouldn't be a pleasant conversation.


	13. Illusions of the Sunlight

_**13 – Illusions of the Sunlight**_

Arthur found her. Sitting on a fallen log, surrounded by pines, was Cara. She didn't look at him. Instead she watched the stream that flowed nearby. Her heart was shattered, her soul was shattered, and her life was shattered. Arthur's face remained stoic. He could not show her sympathy, no matter how badly she was hurt.

There was no excuse for her behavior. Arthur didn't want to punish her, but if she continued to run away like that he would have no choice. Cara was under his charge and if anything happened to her he was responsible. Cara didn't look at him when he sat down next to her.

They sat in silence for a moment while Arthur thought of how to start a conversation such as this one. A small tear ran down Cara's cheek, before she turned to look at her commander. "I'm sorry, Arthur," she apologized, looking him straight in the eye. Her bottom lip quavered as she tried to hold back the tears that brimmed eyes, but she didn't succeed. The more she tried not to cry only made the tears come faster. Arthur wanted to look away. Her tear stained face haunted him. He had never seen Cara cry. It just wasn't like her.

"Cara…" Arthur said trying to stop her from going too far, but she continued. He didn't like it when she blamed herself for something that couldn't have been prevented.

"I should have done something. I should have made sure that the archers were dead," her voice was constantly cracking as she tried to keep herself from sobbing, but that didn't stop the tears. "I'm sorry, Arthur."

Arthur couldn't yell at her. He didn't have it in his heart. "You have nothing to be sorry for," Arthur said softly, trying to interject once more, but still Cara continued.

"I failed you and I failed Gareth―." Arthur cut her off this time.

"You did not fail, Cara," Arthur insisted. "You fought hard. It was not your fault." Cara shook her head in disagreement as the tears fell.

"It was my fault. I failed to do my job. Please Arthur, just leave me alone." Arthur would not hear of it. He came to bring her back and that was exactly what he was going to do.

"No, I will not let you sit here and let you drown in your guilt."

"Arthur, please," she begged. "I don't want to go back. Don't you understand? If I go back only more will die because of my carelessness." Arthur had enough. She was being foolish and her guilt was outweighing her wisdom. He grabbed a hold of her wrist forcefully. "Arthur, let me go," she begged once more, trying to free herself from his steely grip.

"You're coming back even if I have to drag you all the way there. You will scout just as you always have done and you will be the knight you set out to be. Is that clear?" Cara nodded. "A nod isn't an answer, Cara," Arthur said, his voice harsher. Cara's lip quivered, but she answered.

"Yes." Arthur got up from where he sat and extended his hand to Cara.

"It'll get easier," Arthur encouraged as they walked back. Cara however did not speak. How could something like this ever get any easier?

The knights were still asleep when they returned. However, instead of going to sleep Arthur went to one of his saddlebags that lay beside his makeshift bed. He pulled out a piece of dried meat and handed it to Cara. "Here," he said, holding it out for her to take. Cara had eaten hardly anything for the past few days and she beginning to look unhealthy, not to mention her drowsiness from lack of sleep.

Cara denied the offering. "I'm not hungry," she stated simply, turning her head away in refusal.

"Cara, you have to eat," Arthur said. Cara didn't listen instead she went to the most isolated part of camp and sat there, watching the forest. Arthur wondered if she would ever have a smile on her face again. Right now her life looked bleak.

Arthur was on his watch so there wasn't much to do, but watch Cara. She stared into the night and listen to the sounds that filled the air around her. An owl hooted somewhere in the distance and the crickets chirped their nighttime melodies.

It would be another hour before he woke Galahad for the last shift. Cara leaned her head back against the tree she was leaning on. For a moment Arthur thought she was going to actually go to sleep, but the moment her eyes closed was the moment they shot back open and her head darted forward.

Arthur didn't have to guess at what she had seen. He knew. It seemed as though Cara couldn't go even a second without seeing his face or hearing his name. Arthur felt sorry for her for that. He knew the pain that it caused her, but sometimes there was nothing he could do. His name would come up during conversation and the group would fall silent as they remembered he was no longer with them to share the memories.

That was Cara's life during the day and it was hell enough. Daytime, however, seemed like heaven compared to what she endured during the evening hours. As soon as she fell asleep she would see his face. He was in her dreams haunting her with those green eyes. Cara hardly ever got more than a few hours rest if she was lucky. Like tonight, she got a good two hours, but that wasn't enough to keep her going.

By mid-afternoon tomorrow, Cara would be asleep in the saddle. That wasn't what Arthur was worried about. Tristan could handle the scouting by himself. It was the fact that if they met up with the enemy, Cara couldn't defend herself. Her drowsiness would slow her movements and her tired mind would slow her reflexes. Arthur shook his head at the girl before him.

She was a mess and even that was an understatement. Disaster seemed like a more fitting word for the broken girl. Arthur watched her every move. He watched as she tried to keep herself awake and he watched as she tried even harder to stay focused on the tree line. She would not let anymore of her brothers die. Not while she was around to protect them. Then again, look what happened to Gareth. One minute he was joking with her and the next he was gone. Just like that.


	14. And the Reflection of a Lie

_**14 – And the Reflection of a Lie Will Keep Me Waiting**_

Morning came early for the knights, especially Cara. She hadn't slept a wink the night before and you could see it. Dark rings were under her eyes and she was slow to rise. Kay offered to let Cara ride with him so that she could sleep, but she declined. Cara didn't like riding with others. She felt too close and too confined.

Again, Cara was offered food and again she refused. Dagonet was already worried over her health. It had been days since she had eaten anything and he could see that she was slowing down. Cara was the first one to mount up. She sat there in the saddle waiting for the rest of the knights to follow her. They were heading back to the wall today and hopefully it would only take a few days to get back.

Cara's strength was waning by mid-day. She was tired and it was an internal struggle to keep her eyes open. She forced herself to remain alert. Her eyes darted every which way as she tried to stay focused. She tried to act like she was fine, but the knights saw through her charade.

Bors muttered something about foolishness under his breath, but the knights couldn't catch it. Arthur glanced back at the scout. She was way too stubborn for her own good. She kept herself moving and she swayed with Aidan's gait to keep herself aware.

"Merrick, let Cara ride with you," Arthur said finally. Cara was pushing herself far past her limit and it would only end in catastrophe. Each face had its own distinct look of surprise as they looked at Arthur. They all knew the tension and dislike that was shared between the two and they couldn't believe that any of that had changed. When Merrick made no notion of moving Arthur made the request an order.

Reluctantly he rode back for the exhausted girl. There she was trying everything to keep herself awake and vigilant. Cara didn't understand why Merrick was back here with her until he grabbed a hold of her horse's reins. Instinctively she slapped his hand away and turned her horse away from his. Merrick didn't want to have to drag her off, but it was Arthur's orders. He didn't care about the horse anymore. He grabbed the un-expecting Cara and plopped her right in front of him.

She struggled against his hold. "You keep struggling and I'll knock you out," Merrick whispered in her ear, so none of the other knights could hear his threat. Cara had no doubt he would do it. Merrick wasn't the kind of knight to fool around with. He meant every word he said. Her struggles immediately stopped. It wasn't like she was able to go anywhere. This time Bors was the one to catch the black horse and Aidan was no match for him and his sturdy steed. Like Cara he gave up his fight as well.

Cara felt so confined and restricted in his arms. She couldn't breathe and there seemed to be nowhere to go. She shivered, not because she was cold, but because she was afraid. It was an odd feeling. To be afraid of someone who had saved her ass more than a few times. She tried to shrink away from him and make herself as little as possible, but Merrick kept her balanced and upright.

She wanted to get as far away from here as possible. She wanted to leave this island and never come back. That's what kept her going. The need to go back to Sarmatia kept her going. If she had any more than a year left she probably wouldn't have made it, but her service was almost over.

The fact that she rode with Merrick didn't change things. She didn't sleep. Her muscles were tense and she was wide awake. The knight that rode behind her tried to make her relax, but she couldn't. She hated being so close to him. He reminded her of Gareth.

Being held so close to him made her feel uncomfortable. She loved Gareth and didn't want anyone else trying to take his place. She let that thought drop as soon as it entered her mind. He was gone and he wasn't coming back. This was something she had to tell herself over and over again. Eventually, she might actually believe it.

That night Cara tried to distance herself like she had done so many nights before, but Bors wouldn't let her. He was a strong man and she would be foolish to try and fight her way out of his grasp. He gave her a piece of dried meat, but again she refused the food. She just wasn't hungry, but Bors wouldn't take no for an answer.

He poked and prodded until she took a small bite. She forced herself to eat the meat, only because she didn't want to be bothered. As soon as she finished she was given another piece, but this time she shook her head and turned away from it. "You need to eat," Dagonet said. "You're getting weaker by the second." Still Cara refused.

Dagonet put it away seeing as how she wasn't going to eat anymore tonight. It was a miracle she ate anything at all. Cara didn't sleep peacefully that night. Her dream was the same nightmare she had had two nights ago. Gareth was on the hill again and by the end Cara had jolted awake panting heavily and tears flowing. Kay was the one on watch and she lied back down before he could spot her.

She lay there, wide awake. She couldn't go back to sleep. Cara was afraid of that dream. She did not fear Woads, or Saxons, or even the Romans, but she feared going to sleep. She didn't know how much longer she could take the same nightmare that plagued her mind each and every night. It was something she just couldn't cope with. Gareth's haunting gaze seemed to bore right into her soul and Cara didn't have the strength to look away.

That image haunted her mind. His face, his eyes, it was something that she just couldn't escape. The truth was she didn't want to escape. She needed to see his face. It was something that she didn't want to lose. The past few days had been tough. She could feel his memory dimming and hers was as well. She couldn't remember the little things.

She couldn't remember the last thing she said to him. She couldn't remember the last thing he said to her. All she could remember was his face; his short, shaggy, brown hair and his soft yet dark green eyes that you could get lost in. It was all there. Everything was there except for his sweet voice and even that was beginning to dim. She knew that eventually she would no longer remember what his voice sounded like and that thought seemed to shatter her already shattered heart.

At last after many hours of lying there awake, Cara finally drifted off into a restless sleep.


	15. Love Gone For So Long

_**15 – Love Gone For So Long**_

The next morning her eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep. Yes, she was tired and yes, all she wanted to do was sleep, but she had a job to do. She took off on her morning rounds before the knights even rose. Tristan had already left and Cara felt as though she was running behind. Tristan would always wake her or she would always wake him. Whoever got up first was responsible.

She hurried to Aidan. His ears pricked up at her approach. "Morning, fellá," she greeted stroking the stallion's neck before mounting up. Aidan was glad to go into a gallop for her and she hurried through her rounds. However she wasn't carless. She learned her lesson the first time.

There was no sign of anyone or anything following them. She scouted around for at least an hour if not more. She moved to head back to the knights, but a hand grabbed her arm, almost pulling her from the horse. Her heart raced at the unexpected contact and her eyes darted wildly only to find Tristan staring back at her.

Cara tried to pull her arm away, but he wouldn't let go. His eyes bored into her analyzing every emotion. Tristan was like that. Once he caught your gaze it was like he could see right through you and this feeling made Cara feel vulnerable.

Now that he was up close Tristan could see the difference in her eyes. They were greyer than the overcast sky as well as bloodshot from the lack of sleep. Large dark circles also hung underneath the lids proving that she hadn't been sleeping well. A second later he released her. "Why didn't you wake me?" she asked; her voice low. It was so low that Tristan barely caught what she had said.

"You needed sleep," he answered simply. Cara shook her head in disagreement. Her needing sleep was no excuse not to wake her. Cara didn't need sympathy or pity from anyone and she certainly didn't need it from Tristan. Tristan breathed a deep sigh. She could tell he was annoyed, but he was a quiet man and did not express his feelings verbally.

Cara wanted to speak. She wanted to scream, but her mouth wouldn't let her. Her lips were heavy as if they were being weighted down. Cara waited for Tristan to say something, but he made no notion of doing so. Her eyes moved away from the trail and too him as he reached into his saddlebag. Like the others had done before he pulled out what appeared to be rabbit.

He held it out to her, but Cara didn't take it. She didn't want anything. She wasn't hungry. Why were they constantly trying to feed her? Tristan stopped his horse and she stopped as well. "You can either eat this on your own or I can force you," he stated. It left no room for argument. Tristan was so reserved and could be downright terrifying when he wanted to be, even to her and she had known him all her life. Right now, Cara was experiencing both sides.

Reluctantly and warily she took the food from his outstretched hand. Satisfied, he pushed his horse forward and Cara followed. She chewed on the large hunk of meat slowly as they made their way back to the knights.

They had already set out for the day and the scouts were going to meet up with them after they finished their rounds. The ride back to them was silent. Neither one said a word. Cara liked it that way. It gave her time to think. It turned out to be a nightmare.

She could see Gareth. He looked so real and genuine. She felt as though she could reach out and touch him, but the moment her hand moved his image disappeared and was replaced with the one of the woad. She would never forget that face.

"Cara," his voice said, softly. It was low and rugged, but it held a hint of Gareth. "Cara," it said louder. Her eyes snapped open to see Tristan not six inches away. Again the voice had been a dream, just as it had been a few days ago. It seemed as though she would always remember him. This was something that Cara couldn't deal with. She wanted to forget and remember at the same time. It was easier said than done. "You need rest," Tristan said, taking her horse's reins from her and attaching them to his own saddle so that Aidan would follow.

Cara tried to protest, but Tristan's comment wasn't a request. It was a statement and like before, it left no room for argument. She knew not to press Tristan. He was edgy and very easily annoyed. She tried to stay awake. She couldn't sleep. She had to stay awake. Cara blinked away her weariness. She couldn't fall asleep, not now.

After a few moments Cara couldn't blink away the drowsiness anymore and she collapsed in the saddle. Tristan watched her closely as he led her back. The other knights had already set out and Tristan pushed the horses into a trot to catch up. Cara bounced around, but thankfully she didn't fall.

"Arthur," Kay said getting his commanders attention. Arthur turned around expecting Kay to have something important to say, but instead he saw his scouts. Tristan was leading Aidan, which was a bad sign in itself. His eyes shifted to the unconscious Cara that slumped in the saddle. Arthur took off toward them and the rest of the knights eagerly followed.

"What happened?" he asked Tristan as he looked Cara over. There was no sign of blood which was a huge relief.

"She's exhausted," he responded. It was a simple reply, but then Tristan never was one for words. Arthur nodded in understanding. He should have known this would happen. Cara hadn't been sleeping well, if she had slept at all and it was only a matter of time before she collapsed.

"Bors, take her horse. Galahad, take Cara. Your horse can support the extra weight," Arthur ordered. His voice was even and he tried hard not to show his concern for Cara. She looked haunted even when she slept. The other knights were feeling this too and her haunted face disturbed them deeply though none would dare admit it.

Lancelot was feeling something different though and it was a feeling he rarely ever felt. He was jealous of Galahad. He felt that the young man would not be able to keep her safe. "I can take her, Arthur," Lancelot said without thinking.

"Galahad can take her, Lancelot," Arthur said trying to ease the mind of his best friend. Lancelot could only nod. Though Arthur was his friend he was also his commander. The knights set out once again. They were hoping to reach the wall before sunset tomorrow, but that meant they would have to ride through the night.

Everyone was eager to get home and no one complained about the long hours ahead of them. Every now and then Lancelot would glance back at Cara only to find that she was still out of it. He worried over her. A few days ago he was jesting with her. Now he didn't know if he would ever be able to do that again. Lancelot couldn't begin to imagine what Gawain was going through.

Gareth was his little brother. To hear Cara constantly cry and mourn over him was something that Lancelot wouldn't be able to bear, but Gawain didn't show any sign of letting it bother him. He joked with them like he had always done and he had known Gareth much longer than Cara had.

Gawain had admitted however, that Cara had a stronger bond with Gareth than he had, but the knights didn't believe a word of it. Bonds made between brothers were far greater than the ones made between lovers. Gawain was only trying to give Cara a good reason for acting the way she was.

Eventually the overcast sky grew darker until it was pitch black, but the knights rode on. They were determined to get back to the wall. Lancelot had convinced Galahad to give Cara to him for the evening hours. Not wanting over tire his horse, Galahad willingly handed Cara over to Lancelot.

Cara leaned over in the saddle. Her body slumped and she nearly fell off, but Lancelot was quick. He caught her and forced her to lean back into his chest. No matter where she was she still looked uncomfortable.

They rode all through the night and still Cara hadn't woken. Gawain tried to explain to Lancelot that his horse was growing tired due to the extra weight and it would be best if he gave Cara to someone else for a while, but he refused. He had himself convinced that Cara was safer with him.

A few hours later Cara awoke. She opened her eyes groggily. Arms were wrapped protectively around her and she panicked. Her heart raced and she struggled to escape. "Shh…calm down," a voice said behind her. As soon as she heard Lancelot's voice she stopped moving and let herself relax. However she immediately went rigid when she couldn't remember why she was riding with someone.

"What happened?" she asked groggily. It was almost a whisper like always and Lancelot struggled to hear her words.

"You collapsed from fatigue," Lancelot supplied. Cara tried to remember, but the more she tried the more she wished she hadn't. She remembered everything except falling asleep. Cara shuddered at the memory of Gareth, but before her mind could go any further Lancelot spoke, pulling her back into reality. "Are you cold?" he asked.

Cara took a second before shaking her head and leaning back against him. Another few hours passed and the wall was finally in sight. It would be at least another hour before they reached the fort, but the simple sight of it lifted everyone's spirits.


	16. This Day's Ending

_**16 - **_**This Day's Ending **

Cara insisted that she could ride the rest of the way. Though he didn't like the idea, Lancelot let her go back to Aidan. However, one thing surprised him. Instead of going to her usual position behind the knights she stuck with them.

After a few minutes the other knights realized that Cara remained within the group. Perhaps she was getting over it. At least that was what they hoped was happening. As they came closer Tristan let himself fall back with the others.

Cara was relieved that they were only feet away from the fort. At last she would be able to be left alone. She wouldn't have to look in the same eyes all the time and that she would be able to wander around aimlessly without getting killed.

"Arthur," Jols greeted as they entered, ready to take the horses.

"Jols," Lancelot said returning the greeting. Cara dismounted and held onto Aidan as she waited of Jols to take the horse away.

"Cara!" a voice called excitedly. The young woman looked up to see Vanora running toward her. Vanora was her best friend and she knew what was coming. She also noticed how Gawain tried to grab a hold of the fiery red head, but she was too quick for him. Cara felt herself being swallowed in her hug. Cara visibly saw Bors wince. When Cara didn't return the gesture Vanora looked at her. "What's wrong?" she asked.

Cara did not speak. Instead, she handed the stable master her horse and went to her chambers. "What's the matter with her?" Vanora exclaimed, obviously displeased at her best friend's behavior. Her lover put a hand on her shoulder, but both their eyes were fixed on Cara's retreating back.

"We lost, Gareth."

"Poor dear," Vanora said sadly, her anger transforming into sympathy.

Cara locked the door behind her. She didn't want anyone disturbing her. Finally she had peace and quiet and was away from the other knights. A warm bath was already waiting for her, courtesy of Vanora. Cara slipped into the hot water.

Her tense muscles instantly relaxed as the water flowed over her shoulders. She breathed a deep sigh of content as she sat there. She scrubbed the dirt from her body and washed the grime from her hair. It seemed like forever since she had been clean. Finally, the once crystal water turned brown. She wrapped a towel around her freezing body and went to her wardrobe that sat in the corner of the almost bare room.

She pulled the most comfortable set of clothing she could find, which happened to be a light blue gown. Once dressed, she climbed in bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. The bed was warm and she just didn't have the strength to leave it. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"Cara," Vanora called from outside. "Are you in there?" Reluctantly Cara pushed the covers away and made her way toward the door. She unlocked it and opened it a small crack to reveal a worried Vanora. "Excuse me for saying this dear, but you look awful," she said bustling into the room to take care of the bath.

Cara returned to her bed and once again buried herself in the covers. Vanora worked quickly to empty the bath and Cara didn't move the entire time. When she was done she came to sit on the bed at Cara's feet. "You take as much time off as you need you hear," she said, placing a comforting hand on her calf.

When Cara didn't make a move to answer Vanora left, shutting the door gently behind her. Cara sighed deeply. She debated whether she would work tonight. She always helped Vanora in the tavern and in return Vanora would let her keep the tips she made.

Reluctantly she got up and made her way to the door. She didn't really feel like putting her hair up, so she let the wavy locks fall down and she didn't have the energy to change into a better looking dress, so she kept the blue one on before heading to the tavern. Cara looked at the fort as she walked to work. More vendors lined the streets, far more than a year ago.

She sighed deeply as she entered the already busy tavern. The knights were in the corner surrounded by happy, flirty women which distracted them enough so Cara could get by without being seen. Vanora gave her a small smile when she went up to the counter to get a pitcher. She filled the glasses of many Roman soldiers that filled the pub, but did not go near the knights that chatted idly in the corner.

One Roman was daring enough to pull her onto his lap and that didn't sit too well with Cara. She slapped him hard across the face and attempted to get up, but the Roman wrapped his hands around her waist preventing her from going anywhere. She felt a panic rising up inside her. "Let me go," she said her voice deadly. This only seemed to excite the Roman and he held onto her tighter. "Let go of me," she cried, trying to pry his fingers away from her.

The ceramic pitcher slipped from her hands and clattered to the floor. Broken shards littered the floor and Cara finally managed to break free only to fall to the floor. The soldier towered over her, but another face appeared in her line of sight. "The lady told you to leave her alone," Lancelot snarled with a dagger poised at the Roman's throat. The man lifted his hands in defeat and went back to drinking.

Lancelot almost didn't recognize the beautiful girl in front of him. It had been so long since he had seen Cara in a dress and he had forgotten how breathtaking she really was. Cara had instantly begun picking up the pieces of the pitcher. Lancelot could see her shaking. He didn't know if it was from fright or from something else, but it was so bad she was having trouble picking up the pieces.

She held a handful of the broken shards, but in her hast, she clamped down on the glass. Several pieces gauged her palm. Cara instantly dropped all that was in her hand and allowed the tears to roll from her eyes. Her shaking continued and Lancelot thought it was growing worse. Lancelot grabbed a hold of her wrists and pulled her gently to her feet. Vanora had appeared out of nowhere and was already finishing what Cara had started.

"I'm sorry," Cara apologized looking at Vanora, but leaning on Lancelot for support.

"It's alright dear," she said dismissing the accident. She looked up at Cara, but her eyes caught Lancelot's. His eyes were dark with hate toward the Roman pig and Vanora didn't blame him. Cara had been through a rough time and it was too soon for her to be working in a tavern filled with the likes of Roman scum.

Cara didn't protest as Lancelot half led half dragged her out of the tavern.


	17. Is The Proof of Time

_**17 - **_**Is the Proof of Time Killing All the Faith I** **Know**

Lancelot let Cara drop onto the bed as he retrieved the basin of water from the desk along the far wall. He also retrieved a cloth and bandages from one of the drawers. Cara had her injured hand cradled against her chest and her head was bent toward her breasts. "Let me see," Lancelot demanded softly, kneeling down in front of her. He grabbed at her wrist, but she only shied away from him. "Please," he begged, but his voice remained passive.

Reluctantly, she allowed Lancelot to take her injured hand in his own. His hands were gentle as he examined the several cuts made from the broken shards. Blood flowed steadily from the deep gashes that marred her flesh. Lancelot brushed one of them with his fingertips and Cara hissed in pain as she tried to draw her hand out of his grasp. "Shh…" he soothed.

He soaked the cloth in the water thoroughly before applying it to the cuts. Cara gasped at the burning sensation and tried to pull her hand out of the knight's steely grasp once more, but he was strong and wouldn't let go. "Sorry," Lancelot apologized as he continued to wash away the blood. At last he tied a bandage firmly and securely around it.

Once finished he took care of the soiled cloth a now bloody basin of water. Cara remained sitting on the bed. Shock and sadness filled her features. After a few minutes Lancelot returned to her and sat beside her on the bed. He debated for a long few minutes before wrapping one arm around her and pulling her against him. Cara was still shaking. "Shh…," Lancelot soothed. "It's alright."

Cara didn't know what was wrong with her. She just felt so off. She wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out again. Cara buried herself deeper in Lancelot's chest and he wrapped his arms tighter around her. After a few moments Cara realized what was going on and she pushed herself away from him. However, one reassuring hand remained on her shoulder.

She was still shaking uncontrollably and Lancelot wondered if he should go get Dagonet. He stayed with her for another hour, before he realized that Cara wouldn't move on her own. He pulled off her shoes and peeled the thick blankets away. Gently, Lancelot eased her down and pulled the covers over top of her. Cara only lay there, as though she were in a daze.

Lancelot made his way out the door, but he took one last look at her. "Sleep well, Cara," he said before closing the door behind him. Cara waited till the door was closed before she let the tears fall. His embrace reminded her of Gareth.

Late at night when she would return home from the tavern Gareth would be in her room waiting for her. His kisses, his embraces, she couldn't let him go, not yet. She wasn't ready. They were engaged after all. Gareth had promised that the first night they were free they would be married. None of the knights were told. It would have been a surprise for everyone and now there would be no surprise.

"Gareth is gone," she told herself softly. She tried desperately to believe it, but a single shred of hope grew inside her. And that single shred made it impossible for her to move on. At last she let sleep claim her and she was whisked away into a world far from death and destruction.

**FLASHBACK**

"Cara, come on," Gareth prompted as he neared the crest of the hill. Cara trudged along after him. She had made this hike many times before, but it was harder in a dress. The light green material almost touched the ground as she made her way over the rocks.

When he saw that she was having trouble he grabbed her wrist and pulled her gently up the slope behind him. "You better have a good reason for dragging me all the way up here in a dress," she complained. Gareth shrugged it off.

"I wanted you to see this," he said wrapping his arms around her waist as he stood directly behind her. Cara turned her attention away from the man she loved and out over the valley below. It stretched on for miles. A river snaked its way through the several trees that grew there. The darkening sun shone off the crystal water and she looked out over the setting horizon.

She watched as the pinks and oranges followed the sun over the mountains that lay ahead. "Gareth, its beautiful!" she breathed. Beautiful was the understatement of the year. It was absolutely breathtaking and Cara could find words to describe its magnificent beauty.

"Not as beautiful as you," Gareth countered. Cara's cheeks went red; it was the first time in weeks he had made her blush. "I like your cheeks that color," Gareth commented and her cheeks darkened into a deeper shade of red. Cara stretched up to kiss him and Gareth bent his head down. The kiss was short, but passionate.

"Cara, I didn't just bring you up here to watch the sunset," he confessed, moving to the side of her. She turned to look at him and he turned to look at her. Cara's face held confusion yet curiosity at the same time. "Cara," he started, but it seemed as though he was having trouble with the words.

Cara waited patiently for him to speak. She never was one to rush. "Cara, I love you," he finally said and Cara almost could contain her laughter.

"Gareth, I know that. You didn't need to be worried," she started, but Gareth quickly interrupted her.

"That's not what I meant to say," Gareth said quickly. Cara's curiosity had disappeared and now only confusion remained in her aquamarine eyes. "What I meant to say was..."He drew in a deep breath before speaking. "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Cara was breathless and speechless. She watched as Gareth dug in his pocket and pulled out a pendent. It was a crystal diamond with a violet gem in the center. He fastened the necklace around her neck, before taking her hands in his. "Will you marry me?"

She pulled her hands out of his grasp and wrapped them tightly around his neck. "Yes," she choked out, unable to say anything else. Gareth squeezed her tightly and Cara never felt so in love in her entire life.

**END FLASHBACK **


	18. Knowing That Faith Is All I Hold

_**18 – Knowing That Faith is All I Hold **_

Cara awoke suddenly. It was just a dream. Like before it had seemed so real. She was once again disappointed that it wasn't real. A hand went to the pendant that still hung around her neck. She got up slowly and glanced out the window. It was still dark and Cara believed it was about another hour until sunrise.

She brushed her hair and made her way slowly toward her wardrobe. She scanned through the clothes desperately searching. She pushed the breeches and tunics to the far end. She began to panic when she couldn't find it, but then she saw it. The familiar dress stood at the very back. It had not been worn since that day and Cara was glad it was still there.

She pulled it from the wardrobe and held it up against her. She shimmied out of the dress she was in and into the forest green dress. Quietly she slipped from her room and away from the guards that kept a constant watch on the wall. She made her way away from the fort and toward the path the led her through the hills. She ran now, the dress flowing behind her.

She didn't care about the treacherous path this time. She ran over the rocks and up the slope of the hill until she reached the top. The sun was just beginning to rise when she reached it. Cara collapsed when she reached the familiar sight. It once again took her back to that night and she saw all the events as though they happened yesterday.

"I miss you," she said aloud. Sadness was evident in her voice as she looked to the sky. Her eyes never left the sight in front of her and she sat there long after the sun rose. Cara didn't want to go back to the fort. She needed the time out here without the constant worried gazes.

"I thought I'd find you out here," a feminine voice said from behind her. Cara's head whirled around to see who was there and let out a breath of relief when she recognized the person. It was only Vanora. Cara turned her head back to the valley.

Vanora knew why Cara loved this place so much. It wasn't for the beauty like she had told the knights. It was for the memories that she shared with Gareth there. Vanora was the only one who knew about Gareth's proposal because Vanora was the only person that Cara had told.

"I'll understand if you do not wish to return to work for a while. In fact I'm ordering you not to come to work for a few weeks." Cara couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm fine, Vanora," Cara said. "I can work." However Vanora shook her head in disagreement.

"Look at you, Cara," she said softly. "The dark circles under your eyes, the sadness that seems to loom around you like a constant fog. Listen, I may not be the one to tell you this, but you need to stop this madness."

"Van, I…"

"Don't start with me, Cara. I know what Gareth meant to you. Give yourself time to let go."

"I can't," Cara said simply. Vanora was her trusted friend, but Cara was getting tired of telling people how hard it was let go of the man she had loved for almost 15 years. Vanora wrapped her arms around Cara.

"I know it hurts," she said as Cara wept. "But trust me. It will get easier." Cara could only nod.

* **

The weeks went by. Cara spoke here and there, but it was only when spoken too. Bors swore that she spoke less than Tristan and it was a sad day when anyone spoke less than the silent scout. The fort was boring behind the walls and some of the knights didn't like the feeling of being trapped.

Merrick and Kay were both itching to get out so they planned a hunting trip. Kay had offered Cara to go along, but she refused. Cara really didn't go anywhere except to the tavern. She worked there even though the knights and Vanora kept a special eye on her.

"Come on, Cara. It'll be fun. Get you outta this hell hole," Kay said from atop his horse. He and Merrick were heading out soon and planned to return in a week.

"Leave her alone, Kay. It is bad luck to take a woman hunting," Merrick said with a crooked grin. Cara couldn't understand the meaning behind it. She didn't know if he actually meant it or if he was covering for her.

"Go have fun," Cara said, forcing a smile. Kay returned the gesture and followed Merrick out of the fort. She watched the large wooden doors close. Even after they were sealed shut, she gazed at the entrance.

"Cara!" Vanora called above the noise of the fort. She turned her head toward the fiery woman. She beckoned her toward the tavern. "There's work to be done!" There was always work to be done and Cara wasn't a slacker. When something needed done she did it.

The tavern was already beginning to grow busy and some of the knights were already in their normal corner. She grabbed a pitcher and made her rounds. She took all the bullshit the Roman drunks threw at her and didn't once flinch. Tristan watched from the shadows. He could see Cara wasn't at all happy.

She only did this job because she needed something to take her mind off the memories and her happiness was something she was forced to give up. Cara wasn't the happiest thing in the tavern. In fact she was the unhappiest. She was the only one that carried a frown while everyone else laughed and smiled.

"Cara!" Gawain called over the chatter. The woman looked up at her name only to see Gawain beckoning her over. She grabbed her pitcher and removed herself from the lap of a Roman. She refilled his drinks and went to walk away, but Tristan's hand shot out like an arrow being released from a bow.

His fingers wrapped themselves around her forearm and Cara whirled back around to face him. Her expression clearly said '_let me go'_, but Tristan's countered hers. The other knights watched the exchange. They were evenly matched. Cara's anger and Tristan's desperate attempt to understand her evened each other out and they were stuck at an impasse. With neither one willing to give into the other.

Eventually, Tristan let her go and his eyes followed her retreating figure. She no longer moved the way she used to. Her movements were sluggish and purposeless. Vanora hummed a familiar tune as Cara went to grab another pitcher. "Come on, Cara. You know this one," she said, trying to coax a smile out of the sad girl. The song was a happy one and Cara did really want to join in, but it pleased Vanora when she did.

Cara's voice was louder than the red head's and together the haunting tune found its way over the noisy men. Tristan heard the tune and he stopped slicing his apple and looked to find the source even though he already knew who it was. There she was. It was as though his eyes needed to see it to believe it.

Lancelot also heard it and he had to look to find the singer. It was Cara, her blonde hair flowing behind her as she glided through the tavern, filling glasses. Eventually all of the knights stopped to watch and listen. Cara had often sung them that tune while they were on the road. It lifted their spirits and reminded them of what awaited them back in Sarmatia.

It was a happy song, but when Cara hummed, it made the tune sound haunting. Once finished, Cara set her pitcher on the counter for the last time before she headed out the door. Lancelot wanted to follow her, but he decided against it. She needed time and she didn't him crowding her.

Tristan watched Lancelot like a hawk. He loved Cara like a sister and he wouldn't let any more harm come to her.


	19. And I've Lost Who I Am

_**19 – And I've Lost Who I Am**_

The week went by quickly and there was still no sign of Kay or Merrick. They promised they would be back by now. Cara waited every day. She worried over their safety. When Kay said a week he meant a week.

It was a dreary day and Cara knew it would be a bad day the moment she woke up. She was walking to the tavern when a rider came in. He was hunched over with three arrows sticking from his back. Men surrounded the wounded man and through the blood and gore Cara recognized him. It was Kay.

"What happened," Bors asked, trying to get something out of him before he croaked.

"Woads…five miles…from here," he breathed wincing as he did so.

"Where's Merrick?" Bors asked shaking the man to keep him conscious.

"He's still out there…" With that Kay breathed his last. Cara had had it with the savages. They had killed two possibly three, no, it was only two. She was going to find Merrick. Cara was quick to retrieve Aidan and before anyone could stop her she was out of there.

She heard the other knights gathering their horses as she sped out of the fort. She followed Kay's trail. It led her through the snow and through the pines. Aidan neither slowed nor stopped. He kept going for his mistress.

After four miles Aidan couldn't go on at the fast pace and Cara allowed him to walk as she searched for Merrick. Then she saw him. A lone and prone figure lay in a heap a few feet away. A light blanket of snow covered it. Cara drew a dagger in case it was the enemy, but when she rolled the figure over she saw that it was Merrick. "Merrick," she said softly, shaking him. Though only pierced by two arrows the cold had taken him.

His ashen face and pale blue lips were haunting, but that brought back memories. For some unknown reason she saw Gareth lying in the snow, not Merrick. Aidan's chest was heaving after his long run and Cara realized he couldn't go on. So she ran. She sheathed her dagger and she ran through the snow and didn't give a second thought about where she was going.

She couldn't keep going like this. She wanted to be rid of the memories that haunted her. Cara stumbled through several deep patches of snow and fell on her face more than once, but she always picked herself up and kept running. She was midstride when she was suddenly forced to the ground. Cara tried to roll her attacker off of her, but he wouldn't budge. Her arms had been pinned to her sides and a hand covered her mouth.

"Don't scream," the voice warned. Cara stopped moving and Lancelot rolled off of her. He still kept a hold on one of her wrists though. Lancelot didn't say anything to her. Instead he dragged her to his horse.

"Let me go," Cara protested sliding out of his grip. She turned to run, but was once again caught. She struggled against his iron hold. "No," she screamed. The scream hadn't even finished before Lancelot's hand covered her mouth.

"Stop," he commanded harshly. Cara's struggles ceased. Lancelot once again dragged her toward the horse, threw her on, and mounted up behind her before taking off back to the fort. Cara could sense that he was angry with her.

"That was foolish, Cara," Lancelot finally said. "You can't keep running off like that." Cara still said nothing. She knew it was a mistake now that she had time to think about it. Cara shook involuntarily as a cool breeze whipped over the land. Lancelot drew her closer as he tried to keep her warm.

Cara didn't like this and she put as much distance between them as she possibly could. "I'm only trying to protect you, Cara," Lancelot told her. He drew her toward him once more and this time when she squirmed he didn't let go and she remained there.

Lancelot rode into the fort and the other knights must have just returned because The horses were still there along with Aidan who carried a dead Merrick. Cara looked away from the sight before her and she slipped from the saddle. She moved to walk back to her room, but a voice stopped her.

"Cara." The woman looked to see a disappointed Arthur staring back at her. Cara returned his gaze. She knew she made a mistake. He didn't need to tell her. Reluctantly she walked back to her commander. The other knights dispersed sensing that the conversation was private. "Why did you run?" he asked; his voice cold and disapproving.

The woman only lowered her head out of shame. "I wanted to escape."

"Escape what?" he asked his voice becoming softer. A sob threatened to drown out her voice so Cara merely shook her head, signaling she didn't want to tell him. "Cara, please. I want to help you," he said, raising her chin so her stormy eyes met his.

"You can't," she said simply, before tearing herself away from him. Arthur could only watch as she made her way back to her room.

"Cara," Galahad called after her. She felt threatened by him and she didn't want to be stopped. She took off at a run back to her room. Voices and yells behind her threatened to slow her down, so she picked up her pace. She couldn't face them. What she did a few hours ago was the most disgraceful thing she had ever done.

Cara slammed and locked the door behind her, but she couldn't go any further. She slid down the wooden door and collapsed to the floor in a heap. Tears flowed and Cara drew up her knees. Her right arm rested on her drawn knees and she rested her forehead in the palm of her hand. Cara pulled the pendant from her neck and threw it across the room.

Suddenly she felt someone pounding on the door behind her and she jumped. "Cara, open the door," Gawain said softly. Cara didn't move from her spot in front of it. "Cara, please," he begged. Cara wanted to scream at them, but she couldn't instead only sobs came from her mouth.

"Cara," Dagonet said softly trying to lure her out. How many of them were out there? Cara didn't disserve such good friends. They were always there for her always looking out for her and what did she do to help them? Cara couldn't think of a single thing she had done for them.

"Leave her be, Dag" Bors said. Cara heard them leaving and she slammed her head against the large wooden door that separated her from them. She reached for the pendant around her neck, but then she realized that she had removed it.

Cara scrambled to her feet in a desperate search for the significant necklace. She scoured the floor and tossed articles everywhere in her attempt to find it. Finally she saw it. It was lying in the dark corner of the room and she saw the crystal and gem shine in the limited light.

Carefully, she picked it up from where it lay and was relieved when she found out it was unharmed. Cara cradled the pendant against her chest. It was all she had left of him and she couldn't bear to lose it.


	20. And I Can't Understand

_**20 – And I Can't Understand **_

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Not much had changed. Cara was still just as silent. She spoke when spoken to like before. Dagonet and Tristan had tried on more than one occasion to get inside her head, but to no avail. Even Tristan couldn't see into her soul. She had a protective wall built around her and it was impervious.

At last they only had two days left of their service and Cara was once again reminded of Gareth's promise. Vanora was the only person who Cara seemed to speak to willingly. They often had long conversations, but Vanora always ended up doing most of the talking. Though she trusted Vanora, Cara just couldn't seem to say much at one time.

At last they were given their final assignment. The knights were to retrieve a Bishop that was coming to the wall and they were to escort him. Cara was pissed. He could not count on his men to take care of him, no, he had to have knights.

They left for him on their last day of service and Cara hoped she would live to see the end of it. They rode quietly with small conversations and arguments. Tristan led the way like always and Cara followed on Aidan.

"Ahh, the bishop's carriage," Gawain said as the knights looked down from the hill.

"Our freedom, Bors," Galahad said excitedly, looking down the line of knights.

"I can almost taste it," Bors said shutting his eyes as if he was home already. Cara simply looked down at the foggy valley. Something wasn't right and she saw a Roman solider draw his sword.

"Woads," Tristan warned after said Roman had been shot down. Arthur kicked his stallion into a gallop and the other knights quickly followed. Aidan didn't need to be told. As soon as Arthur's horse moved Aidan had taken off. Cara struggled to rein him in as they flew toward the attacking Woads. She nocked an arrow and let it fly as she guided the black horse with her legs.

She brought down several of them before a Woad knocked her off her horse. Cara rolled away from him and was almost up when she was pushed back down. The blue warrior grabbed a chunk of her golden hair and pulled her head up, exposing her throat. His knife slid under her neck ready to bleed her dry.

There was a certain feeling that went with this. There was a certain feeling you get right before you die. She closed her eyes ready to embrace her fate. It was like an adrenaline rush only better. Images flashed before her eyes as she felt the blade sink in. Gareth was there only he wasn't smiling in fact he looked angry. Cara's eyes snapped open.

Suddenly the man's hold loosened and his knife dropped to the ground. She looked to see an arrow protruding from his forehead. When she looked back Galahad had moved on, continuing to shoot the moving targets. Cara picked herself up and continued to fight.

Her lightweight sword was easy to handle and she blocked and parried the blows that were directed at her. At last the battle was drawing to a close and Cara finished off her last attacker. Her eyes scanned the grounds for her horse. There he was prancing around like he owned the place. She rushed to catch Aidan before he decided to go back to Sarmatia.

Arthur was scanning the grounds for the Bishop and he finally found his atop a horse and dressed in Roman Calvary garb. "Bishop Germanius," Arthur greeted. "Welcome to Britain." The Bishop turned to the men behind Arthur.

"And these are the great Sarmation knights we have heard so much of in Rome," he said, dismounted his horse and gesturing to the knights. Thankfully he didn't notice Cara. She wasn't in the mood to deal with a sexist pig. Cara swiped the blood from her neck before mounting up.

He turned his attention back to Arthur. "I thought the Woads control the North of Hadrian's Wall?" he said, trying to confirm it. If anyone would know it would be Arthur.

"They do, but they occasionally venture south," he explained plainly. Arthur was civil, but he disliked the bishop just as much as the other knights.

"Who leads them?" the bishop asked. Fear was evident in his voice and Cara had to hide a smile. It was funny he was frightened of the very men that the knights fought daily.

Lancelot chose to answer this. "He is called Merlin. A dark magician some say." His voice was ominous and dark as he spoke of the man.

"Tristan, Cara, ride ahead and make sure the road is clear." Cara took off quickly before the Bishop could notice her. She didn't want to draw attention to her name or to her. Both scouts set off in different directions. Usually Cara would take the back when it was just the knights, but when on missions she helped Tristan. It didn't take as long.

After a few minutes they met back up on their way back to the knights. Both faces were expressionless and held no worry. Both knew there was no danger just by simply looking at one another. "I saw that," Tristan said, referring to her mistake that almost killed her. Cara didn't say anything. "You're lucky Galahad didn't kill you."

Cara knew Galahad's aim was terrible and most of his arrows didn't hit the target he was aiming at. He was too fast and didn't take the time to line his arrow up with the target. She was grateful that Galahad hadn't missed. "You're senses are growing dull," Tristan added, when he realized Cara wasn't focused on the road.

Tristan was right. Ever since Gar― that night Cara had lost some of her senses. She made more mistakes than she used to and it was beginning to cost her. "I know." Her reply was simple and plain. Tristan nodded and they made the rest of the journey back in silence.

The others were riding along the wall and Tristan mixed himself with the others, but Cara remained behind the carriage at the very end of the line. Lancelot didn't like her back there. He couldn't see her and he most defiantly didn't trust the Romans. He cantered away from the others and along the line until he came to Cara. Her head was held high as she looked out over the vast land. She turned to look at him when he approached, but didn't speak.

"I don't like you back here behind the Romans," he told her, but Cara made no notion of joining the others. "Cara, please come up with the rest of us. Let Romans take care of Romans." Cara reluctantly led the way back up the line and took her place with her brothers in arms.

"A beautiful Sarmation woman," she caught Bors saying. "Why do you think we left in the first place?" he said imitating a cow. Then he saw Cara. "We brought the only beautiful Sarmation woman with us," Bors said quickly trying to cover up his insult. Cara only smiled and that single smile lifted each and every one of the knight's hearts. They hadn't seen that smile in a long time.


	21. Why My Heart Is So Broken

_**21 – Why My Heart Is So Broken **_

"Welcome back, Arthur," Jols greeted as they entered the fort.

"Jols," Arthur said returning the greeting before turning back to the bishop's carriage.

"Lancelot," the stable master said, greeting the knight. Lancelot nodded returning the greeting in silence. Cara rode in and lined up along the side with the rest of the knights before dismounting and handing Aidan's reins to Jols. The knights then followed their commander to the round table.

It was their last day of service and he wished to address them all. Each took their respective place around the table and each was given a chalice of wine. Arthur stood holding his goblet and the rest of them followed his example. "Let us not forget that we are the fortunate ones," he began. Cara's face remained passive as she tried to keep her train of thought on the tracks. "Let us raise our wine to those gallant and extraordinary men we have lost but who will be remembered for eternity."

Cara's train of thought could no longer remain on the crooked tracks and it went straight to Gareth. She would always remember him. His face and eyes found their way back into her heart. As well as his strong arms that were always wrapping themselves protectively around her. She was comforted by the memory instead of haunted as she usually was. She breathed a deep sigh before she swallowed the wine in his remembrance. "To freedom," Bors toasted. The others followed, raising their goblets in remembrance and honor.

"To freedom," they said in unison. Cara's voice was no more than a whisper. She couldn't make herself happy when the one she loved most wasn't here to share the extraordinary moment. Again they took a few more sips of the wine until the chalices were empty. Cara set her empty goblet on the table.

"His Eminence, Bishop Gnaeus Germanius," a voice introduced. Cara would like to meet a Roman that wasn't important. Cara turned to the door to see the bishop's aid, as well as the bishop. Cara had to smirk when she saw the bishop's confused face. It was as if he didn't know what to do with a round table.

"I was given to understand there would be more of you," he said sounding disappointed. Cara's smirk turned into a look of hatred. That's all he had to say. He didn't care that so many had lost their lives for a country not their own. Cara moved to take a swipe at him, but Bors put a strong hand on her shoulder before she could move. "A woman!" he nearly shouted, spotting Cara. "What right does a woman have to be seated amongst men?!"

That did it. Cara was already unhappy and now she was pissed. She moved to get in the bishop's face, but Bors grabbed her upper arm and held her in place. Arthur spoke calmly, but the rest of the knights could hear his anger. "Bishop, Cara has fought alongside us for many years and she has earned her right to sit amongst us."

"A woman has no rights," the bishop said simply. The knights were just as angry as Cara. He had insulted their sister and he would pay. "She is a woman and women have no place on the battlefield."

"Tell that to the Roman bastards who took me," Cara muttered under her breath as she glared at the bishop. He waved off what she said and ignored the glares the other knights threw at him.

"Alas. Alas, we are all but players in an ever changing world. Barbarians from every corner are almost at Rome's door." Cara saw the bishop's aide set the box of discharge papers in front of the fat man. Her freedom and her passage out of here. "Because of this, Rome, and the Holy Father, has decided to remove ourselves from indefensible outposts, such as Britain."

Cara was the first to rise. She had an idea of what his words meant, but she simply couldn't believe them. "What will become of Britain is not our concern anymore. I suppose the Saxons will claim it soon," he said, opening the wooden box.

"Saxons?" Arthur asked, as if to make sure he understood correctly.

"Yes," the bishop said nodding. "In the north a massive Saxon incursion has begun."

"Saxons only claim what they kill," Lancelot said disgustedly.

"And only kill everything," Gawain added plainly, not taking his eyes off the Bishop.

Galahad looked at the bishop incredulously. "So you'll just…leave the land to the Woads. I risked my life for nothing." Cara understood where he was coming from. The knights who gave their lives gave them for nothing and Cara was on the verge of leaping over the table and plunging her dagger into the fat Roman's heart.

In order for her not to do so, Cara shuffled out of the room quickly, not daring to look behind her. She could feel the eyes on her as she left. Tristan's hand darted out to stop her from leaving, but she dodged him and made her way angrily out the door letting it slam behind her.

Once out the door she ran to the tavern in her anger. She needed a drink and she needed it bad. She bustled up to the bar and waited until Vanora came to her. "What's wrong?" she asked coming up to her with a pitcher in her hand.

"I need a drink," she said forcefully. Vanora could sense the anger in her voice and she knew better than to mess with Cara when she was in one of those moods. The knights would handle it when they got there. Vanora poured the knight a drink before bustling away to refill other glasses.

It didn't take Cara long to down the mug of ale in her anger and Cara reached across the bar for the full pitcher. She refilled her mug once more and sipped this one more slowly. Gareth's death was not in vain. She told herself that over and over to make herself believe that he had died for a good cause and now it looked as if she was living a lie.


	22. Rejecting Your Love

**22 – Rejecting Your Love **

Cara sat in solitude at the bar. One had held her head up and the other held her mug. She wasn't drunk yet, but she was pretty damn close. The pitcher was still three quarters full and Cara was sure it wouldn't take long to down it. What happened at the round table made her blood boil. She hated Romans, but none of them so much as the bishop.

She took another rather large sip of ale and allowed the mug to slam on the counter. Cara whirled around to a hand on her shoulder. She stared angrily into the soft eyes of Dagonet.

After seeing who it was she turned back to her ale and went to pour herself another glass, but Dagonet stopped her. "You've had enough," he said stealing the pitcher and giving it to Vanora. For a moment Cara saw past Dag and her eyes fell on the remaining knights.

They were happy and drunk. Their faces held joy and even over the crowd she could hear their laughter. Why couldn't she be happy? Why couldn't she get drunk? That was a better question. She turned back to her drink and chugged it down. She had a barmaid pour her another and Dag looked at her in shame.

Before she could put it to her lips Dagonet swiped it out of her hands. Cara glared at Dagonet. "Give it back," she spat, trying to keep her voice calm. Dagonet was much larger and there was no way Cara was going to make a fool of herself in trying to reach it. The knight didn't make a move to give it back.

Cara rose from where she sat and made her way toward the other knights in the corner. It was the first time in a long time she actually joined them and in return Gawain gave her a drink though Dagonet looked on at her with a disapproved expression.

"Arthur," Jols called seeing the commander come and the turn to leave. The rest of the knights made their way over to him, ready to celebrate their newfound freedom.

"You're not completely Roman yet, right?" Galahad asked raising his ale. Bors shouted his familiar battle cry, but the rest were not so happy. Lancelot looked suspicious and Tristan looked…well… like Tristan. Cara was sure her face wasn't filled with happiness.

"Knights," he began, as if giving them a pep talk right before a battle and Cara's heart instantly sank. She knew that tone and apparently Lancelot did as well because his face fell. "Brothers in arms," so Cara was a boy now, excellent, "Your courage has been tested beyond all limits, but I must ask you know for one further trial."

"Drink," Bors proposed, lifting an imaginary mug. Before it could go any further Arthur continued.

"We must leave on one final mission for Rome before our freedom can be granted," His tone was serious, but the knights were half drunk and thought it was a joke. Most of them laughed, but Lancelot, Cara, and Tristan remained serious. They knew Arthur wasn't joking. "Above the wall, there lies a Roman family in need of rescue. They are trapped by Saxons. Our orders are to secure their safety," Arthur explained.

The knights stopped laughing, realizing that he was serious, but Bors remained cool when he spoke. "Let the Roman's take care of their own."

"Above the wall is Woad territory," Gawain said. Cara could tell he was drunk. His speech was slow. Her eyes moved from him back to Arthur and this time their gazes met. His was apologetic and hers clearly spoke _'How dare you?'_

"Our duty to Rome, if it was ever a duty, is done. Our pact with Rome is done," Galahad spat. He swayed slightly due to his drunken nature.

Bors could no longer contain his anger and he lashed out at his commander. "Every knight here has laid his life on the line for you," he nearly shouted, pointing at Arthur. "For you. And instead of freedom, you want more blood? Our blood!? You think more of Roman blood than you do ours?!" Cara remained silent through the heated argument between the two.

Arthur's voice was loud, but calm. "Bors, these are our orders. We leave at first light and when we return, your freedom will be waiting for you. A freedom we can embrace with-"

"I'm a free man!" Bors interrupted, now screaming in anger. "I will choose my own fate!"

"Yeah, yeah," Tristan said, choosing this time to make his smart remark, "we're all going to die someday. If it's death by a Saxon hand that frightens you – stay home." This only angered Galahad further. Cara moved to comfort him, but he shrugged her gentle hand away from him and advanced on Tristan.

"Well if you're so eager to die, you can die right here!" Cara would have interfered if the man he was approaching was anyone other than Tristan. She knew the scout would be able to take him if it came to a fight. However, before it could go any further Lancelot stopped him.

"Enough, enough-" he said grabbing Galahad's wrist and spinning it downward away from the scout. The knight was still fuming and Cara remained silent.

"I've got something to live for!" he screamed.

"Don't we all?" Cara said softly, but angrily. Her statement went unheard over the men's bursts of outrage. Dagonet's baritone voice rose above all of them.

"The Romans have broken their word," he said calmly. "We have the word of Arthur. That is good enough. I'll prepare." He walked toward the exit of the tavern and stopped when he reached Bors. "Bors, you coming?"

"Of course I'm coming! Can't let you go on your own; you'll all get killed!" Tristan followed Dagonet silently and went to pull Cara along with him, but she pushed his hand away. She no longer liked to be touched. It reminded her of what she had lost. "I'm just saying what you're all thinking!" Bors continued, but he spoke the last part in almost a whisper. "Vanora'll kill me."

"And you, Gawain?" Arthur asked daringly. Gawain took a moment. He sighed heavily and then nodded.

"I'm with you," he said softly before looking at a still angry Galahad. "Galahad as well." Galahad looked at Gawain, astonished that he had the nerve to make decisions for him. The dark haired knight kept his mouth shut though. Instead he took his anger out on the bottle of ale. Cara winced as it clattered to floor and shattered into several pieces. The cousins left together. Now it was Cara's turn and her voice spoke what her eyes had said.

"How could you?" she asked disbelieving. "After all we've done for you. After all the sacrifices that were made. This is how you repay us?" Unable to say any more she moved to leave, but Arthur grabbed her arm and his tight grip stopped her from going forward.

"If I had a choice you would be free right now. But my loyalties lie to Rome and I am forced to follow the Bishop's orders." So this was his doing. Cara's anger was surfacing and her quick temper was in overdrive.

"I'll kill him," Cara said, her voice deadly as she went to march toward his quarters, but Arthur's grip tightened and he spun her back to face him. She wasn't sure if she should tell him it hurt, but if it kept her from committing a crime chances were Arthur would knock her out and lock her in her room until they were ready to depart.

"No you won't," Arthur commanded. Her eyes met his and Lancelot only watched from a short distance away. Finally she lowered her head in defeat and Arthur released his tight grip. With that Arthur left, leaving Lancelot and Cara behind.


	23. Without Love Gone Wrong

_**23 – Without Love Gone Wrong **_

Cara stood there for a moment simply taking everything in before she stormed toward the exit. She didn't get two feet when a hand pulled her back. It was Lancelot. What was with people touching her? She glared at his hand. "Let. Me. Go," she said enunciating each word slowly and separately.

"Where are you going?" he asked simply. His hold loosened slightly, but not enough for her to escape him.

"Why do you care?" she snapped angrily.

"Cara, please…," he begged. Cara let out a sigh before speaking.

"I'm going to kill a Roman," she said, looking him right in the eye. They stood like that for a moment. Staring each other down just as Cara had tried with Arthur, but he didn't back down. Her eyes remained on his as she tried to pull her arm out of his grasp, but his grip tightened and Cara winced. It didn't go unnoticed by Lancelot and he released her quickly and grabbed her hand instead. Her arm was red from the painful contact between her and Arthur and Lancelot's grip was just as bad. "Let me go," she repeated there was a small hint of hurt in her voice.

Lancelot shook his head in refusal. He wasn't going to allow her to do anything rash. Gareth would come back to haunt him if any harm came to her under his watch. "You kill that Roman and they'll kill you," he pointed out. Why did he have to care about her so much? She was just a girl. That's it, just a girl who wanted justice for Gareth's unnecessary death. Cara stopped trying to pull away from him. "Listen, I'm just as angry as you are, but don't go blaming Arthur." His voice was strong and he actually believed in what he was saying.

It was the first time she heard Lancelot believe the bullshit he dished out. "Please, Cara," he begged. "Don't go and get yourself killed over a bloody Roman." His voice was caring, but also held a small hint of order. Cara lowered her head. "Promise me you won't do anything stupid," he said softly. Cara didn't move to respond. "Promise me!" he nearly yelled as he shook her. Cara could only nod a frightened nod. Lancelot never treated her like this and it frightened Cara.

With that, Lancelot released her and he stormed out of the tavern. Cara could only stand there. She was shocked. For one, she had really said way more than she should have and second for a brief moment when Lancelot looked in her eyes and grabbed her hand she felt safe and loved for the first time since Gareth's death.

Cara walked slowly out of the tavern and toward her room. She had to prepare for the long journey that they were heading out on in the morning. Cara probably wouldn't sleep tonight. She rarely slept as it was due to the same nightmare that plagued her each and every night for the past few months. Each time the dream left her silent and scared.

Cara packed her belongings and a change of clothes into her saddlebags before lying down for the night. After a moment her eyes were closed and she had fallen into the same dream.

He was where he always was, on top of his horse at the top of the hill. It was now that Cara realized something. The terrain was clearer now that the fog was no longer present. She could see every detail on the trees as well as the woods on the other side of the small river.

Something was familiar about this place. It took her a moment to figure it out, but when she did. It was like an arrow hitting the target at full speed. This was their hill, the one just outside the fort. She was in the valley below. The river behind her was the one that snaked its way through the fertile valley and stretched on over the horizon. The steep rocky hill was in front of her. It was now she realized that even if she tried her hardest she would not be able to reach him.

The rocks were too sharp and the hill was more of a steep cliff. Then she saw the familiar archer that always ended Gareth's life. He was a few feet away from her and on the same side of the river as she. Why couldn't he shoot her?

This gave her an idea. "Hey," she called to the Woad as he stared up the cliff. He paid her call no heed. "Hey," she called louder. This time he looked directly at her. He raised his bow and knocked an arrow. "No," Cara protested running toward him, but a voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Cara," it said softly. Cara stood stock still and her head turned toward the sound of the voice. He was still atop his horse and still as handsome as ever, but that voice was haunting. "Don't move," he said and Cara obeyed. She could do nothing else.

Cara was frozen in place. It had been a while since she had heard his sweet voice and she didn't want him to stop speaking, but again she had distracted him and once again an arrow planted itself in his chest."

"Gareth," she breathed, shooting up from her bed. A dim light peeked in through the window telling her it was almost dawn. One last mission before she was finally free. What was the use of freedom now? She didn't have Gareth. He was her whole reason for living. His promise kept her going. Now she had nothing.

For a moment she wondered what Gareth would have done in a situation like this. He was loyal to Arthur so she was sure he would have followed him, but she wondered what would have taken place when Arthur told them of their last fulfillment. Gareth would put Cara's safety above Rome and that was what drew Cara to him most. He was willing to take on the entire Roman army for her and Cara would do the same for him.


	24. Lifeless Words Carry On

_**24 – Lifeless Words Carry On **_

She walked quickly through the stables. Her saddlebag was draped over her shoulder as she headed for Aidan's stall. She was late and she knew it. Galahad was riding his own horse in a rather large circle. It seemed to Cara he was taking his anger out on the horse. He was riding the beast in a way that was far greater than a simple warm-up and Cara was rather annoyed with his actions. The anger she had seen last night was still evident. Galahad never was one to cool off easy, then again neither was she.

Arthur was already there and it seemed as if they were waiting on her, though none of them said anything. The Roman was also there along with his serf. Jols fidgeted nervously as he stood behind Arthur.

There was a moment of sinister silence. The Bishop looked angry as usual and the knights looked even angrier at the mission that had snatched their freedom away from them. Cara simply looked unfazed. It was just like the Romans. She shouldn't have expected anything less from them.

She heard the pounding hoof beats behind her stop. Galahad was by her side before she could look back. His horse's reins were held tightly in his hands, so tight that his knuckles were turning white. Cara put a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off. That confirmed it. Galahad was still furious.

Finally the Bishop spoke. "To represent the holy court, my trusted secretary, Horton will accompany you." Every head it the room snapped up to look at the scrawny man they were supposed to drag along. Cara waited for Arthur to protest. No good would come from this.

"Jols, find him a horse," Arthur said sternly, not taking his eyes off the Bishop. The knights that had been sitting on the bench stood up in protest, but Arthur didn't move to say or do anything. They had to accept his decision.

"Godspeed as you fulfill your duty to Rome," the Bishop said, wishing them well, but the knights only looked on with disgust at his words.

"God, Rome," Cara muttered disgustedly under her breath, but the Bishop heard her. He glared at the pagan and she glared back.

"My duty is also to my men," Arthur said seriously, stepping toward the Bishop. He looked and sounded rather intimidating as he advanced on the fat Roman.

"Then get them home," he replied smugly. Cara could have and would have slapped him if she could, but it wouldn't do her or the knights any good. Instead she followed the other knights and mounted up. Arthur glared at the bishop one last time before mounting his own horse and leading the group out of the stable.

Cara pushed Aidan into a canter to keep up with the others as they headed out of the wall and out into the open. They galloped steadily over the land and the scouts kept their eyes and ears open for any sort of threat.

Cara was leery to go into the fog covered forest. She watched as Tristan went in forest and he didn't seem all the worried, but then again Cara could hardly ever read his expressions. She followed reluctantly, but once she entered she realized they had made a mistake.

She heard the soft rustling of leaves as the blue warriors tracked them. Cara was having a harder time breathing as they went deeper into the forest and when Tristan stopped her breath hitched. "Woads," he warned simply.

"Where?" Arthur asked his voice unchanging as if nothing was wrong.

"Everywhere." Aidan danced beneath her. He knew what was wrong and Cara attempted to sooth him, but it was hard to do when she wasn't calm herself. Without warning of an attack arrows flew from the brush barely missing several of the knights. Other arrows are attached to vines and block their path.

"Get back!" Lancelot screamed.

"Get back!" Bors repeated. Cara didn't need to be told twice. She already had her horse turned around and headed in the opposite direction. She didn't get more than ten feet when another bout of arrows was shot in her direction.

Aidan reared at the abrupt halt, but turned on his master's command when they took off in yet another direction, hoping to outrun the Woads. This time the trap almost caught Galahads horse as a spiked fence rose up from the ground. Cara was amazed at how well the trap was set.

Arrows whizzed by. Gawain and Tristan dodged theirs. One grazed Cara as her horse moved from beneath her. She cursed under her breath, but eagerly followed Arthur to what she hoped was the way out of this god-forsaken forest.

Cara thought she saw light up ahead and her heart lifted, but instantly sank the moment it disappeared. Woads rushed them, following them with their spears as the knights whirled around. That was their only shot at getting out of this. Going back they realized that their escape had already been cut off and now they were cornered. Cara nocked an arrow and Bors drew his sword.

A Woad suddenly appeared out of nowhere and had an arrow trained on Arthur. Many more soon emerged and had their targets picked out. Cara stared at her own target with an arrow pointed at his heart. She saw the determination in his eyes. When she looked at him her eyes were daring. As if to say, _'go ahead shoot me.' _He stared at her right back waiting for the other to make the first kill.

All of the sudden horn sounded in the distance. Cara tore her gaze away from the archer that threatened her life and into the surrounding forest. It wasn't far off. She turned her attention back to the Woad that still stood with an arrow trained on her. Her bow remained on him.

At last it seemed as if the horn was a calling to them and they lowered their weapons before taking off and practically vanishing into the haunting forest. "Inish, devil ghosts," Dagonet said, looking wildly around.

"Why would they not attack? Galahad asked, obviously perplexed. The Woads never spared anyone as far as he knew and Cara was even more surprised that the Woad didn't kill her. They were known to never back down from a challenge.

"Merlin doesn't want us dead," Arthur replied simply. Tristan and Cara continued to look around, but there was no sign of them. They were gone just as soon as they had appeared.


	25. But I Know, All I Know

_**25 – But I Know All I Know **_

A heavy rain began to fall and the knights were desperate to take shelter from the pouring rain. Tristan found a grove of trees up ahead. It wasn't much, but it would keep them somewhat dry. Cara's wet clothes and armor stuck to her. She shivered slightly as the icy rain fell. Cara hated the rain. That's all it ever seemed to do on this bloody island.

Cara was also highly pissed that the others didn't even act like they were cold and she was sitting atop Aidan shivering uncontrollably. The area beneath the trees was somewhat dry, but not completely and the rain still fell rather heavily. Cara jumped off Aidan and tied him next to the others.

Only when she sat down did she realize that the others were indeed cold and they had their cloaks wrapped around themselves as tightly as she did hers. "Ugh, I can't wait to leave this island," Gawain groaned, rubbing his arms up and down in an attempt to keep warm. "If it's not raining it's snowing. If it's not snowing, it's foggy."

"And that's the summer," Lancelot added, obviously fed up with the gloomy weather as well. Bors shook his head in disagreement and Cara was surprised he enjoyed it. Of all people he should have been complaining along with the rest of them.

"The rain is good," he declared. The knights looked at him skeptically. Other than providing water for the crops the rain was a nuisance. "Washes all the blood away," he continued. Cara turned her eyes to the mud in front of her. She remembered him saying that once before. She couldn't remember where or when, but she remembered. She also remembered why it bothered her so much. Before that thought could go on any longer Dagonet's voice interrupted it.

"Doesn't help the smell," he joked. A few of the other knights chuckled at the joke. It was true and they all knew it. Lancelot suddenly got an evil smirk on his face which was never a good thing.

"Hey, Bors," he called over the pounding rain. "You intend on taking Vanora and all your little bastards back home with you?" Bors groaned and looked up at the darkened sky.

"Ugh, I'm trying to avoid that decision. By getting killed." Gawain chuckled and Lancelot only smiled. Cara didn't do either of the two. She saw nothing funny about death in fact the mere mention of it brought tears to her eyes. She quickly wiped them away as well as a few raindrops that sat idly on her forehead.

It was then she remembered the graze as a small flare of pain shot up her arm. Cara rolled up her sleeve to reveal the small, but rather deep gash."Yay," she muttered. She went to cover it back up, but a firm hand caught her arm. She looked to see Lancelot. Her face was passive as she waited for Lancelot to say one of his famous witty or flirty comments, but he said neither. In fact he didn't say anything as he examined the gash and dropped her arm.

She pulled her sleeve down and wrapped her cloak tighter around her as Lancelot moved from beside her. Cara was glad he was gone. There was a sense about him that was practically dragging her toward him. An invisible force that made her want to be next to him. Cara wanted to fight this feeling. She told herself over and over that Gareth was her only lover and that she couldn't let him go.

She felt his presence beside her once more. The only problem was that when she turned, Lancelot was sitting beside her. A small band of white cloth was in his hand and he motioned for her arm. Cara reluctantly let him mess with her and she willingly allowed him to wrap the nonlife-threatening gash. If it would get him off her back she would let him do anything he wanted. Well not anything.

Bors was still in conversation and Cara was surprised that even Tristan joined in this time. "Women," the scout said in a disapproving voice as he sheathed his sword. Cara didn't like his tone already. "The children already have names. Don't they?"

"Just Gilly," Bors said proudly. "It was too much trouble, so we gave the rest of them numbers," he explained coolly as if there was nothing wrong with it. That was the only thing Cara didn't like about Bors and Vanora. Each child deserved a name and if it was too much a bother then they shouldn't have so many kids. A child with no name in Cara's mind was worse than a Saxon or a Woad.

"That's interesting. I thought you couldn't count," Lancelot jested with that devilish smirk upon his face on more. The other knights chuckled at the comment and Cara almost did, but she found that she could only smile and she let the joke drop. Bors only glared at the mischievous knight.

His mood changed however, and he became quite somber. "You know, I never thought I'd get back home alive. Now that I've got the chance, I don't think I'd leave my children."

"You'd miss them too much," Dagonet explained his voice soft and understanding.

"I'll take them with me," Bors decided. "I like the little bastards. They mean something to me. Especially number three. He's a good fighter," he explained, holding up a fist. Cara smiled. The thought of it made her want to start a family, but without Gareth, she had no one.

"That's because he's mine," Lancelot explained with a cheeky grin plastered on his face. Gawain spat with laughter and Cara had to laugh out loud. The other knights joined in and Bors looked slightly pissed off that they were laughing at his expense.

"I'm going for a piss," Bors said angrily and the knights continued to laugh. When they hear Cara they almost stopped. It had been forever since they had heard her melodious laughter. It was soft, but she was laughing and the knights had to laugh and smile at the thought that their sister was finally coming back to them.


	26. Is That The End's Beginning

_**26 – Is That the End's Beginning **_

They rode out early the next morning. It was just like any other morning, cold, damp, and foggy. Arthur led the way through the trees and finally onto a road. Cara's eyes darted around as she searched for any sign of a threat.

Serfs lined the outskirts of the palace. Small hutches and fields of grain littered the valley, but the people looked like death. They were thin and looked rather undernourished. The children were so frail a strong wind would have knocked them off their tired feet. They were worked half to death and it troubled Cara.

Romans guarded the palace walls and they forced the on-looking serfs back to work. Arthur halted his stallion at the gates and the other knights stopped a few feet behind him. This gave Cara even more time to look at the people and the surroundings. It was a death camp.

The clothes they wore were baggy, indicating just how skinny they were. A young girl sat alone in the field while the others gazed at the new arrivals. She couldn't have been any more than five. Cara hopped of Aidan. "Cara?" Gawain asked questionably. It was never a good thing when Cara wandered away without a word.

"Cara?" Lancelot called louder, thinking she had not heard Gawain, but Cara kept moving toward the young girl. As she got closer she moved slower as if she were approaching a wild animal. The girl's eyes darted up at Cara's approach and she scuttled back, frightened. Her brown curls bouncing behind her. Cara raised her hands with her palms facing toward the girl, the universal sign for _'I'm not going to hurt you'. _Her chocolate brown eyes watched Cara intently.

Cara hunkered down so that her gaze was even with the young girl's. "What's your name?" she asked softly.The girl didn't respond. "Hey," Cara said, "I want to help you." The girl got up and she didn't even reach Cara's waist. "Where's your family?" This time she got a response. The little girl pointed across the field.

An older woman was hunched over a fire a few paces away. Cara didn't know what she was doing, but the woman looked old and worn from the hard labor. Like the young girl, she was nothing but skin and bones. Cara took the young girl's hand and led her across the field, but the little girl tripped over her own two feet several times as she made it through the tall grass.

Cara knew she was going to regret this decision, but without hesitation she picked up the little girl and headed across the field and toward the old woman. Cara dropped the young girl gently as soon as she reached the fire. "Hi," she said somewhat shyly. The woman looked amazed that the knight was actually speaking to her. "My name is, Cara."

"Pleasure," the woman replied. "I'm Sarah." The older woman said as she wrapped her arms around the little girl. "I'm sorry if Lila was bothering you," she apologized.

"Don't worry about it," Cara said shrugging it off. "What's happened here?" she asked looking around at the worn out villagers.

"Marius," the old woman explained in one word, but Cara didn't understand. "He forces us to work. We plant and harvest the crops each year. Instead of keeping enough to feed us he keeps enough to feed his family before selling it to other villages." Her eyes were saddened. "Excuse my manners. You must be starving from your long journey," she said dishing out a bowl of what seemed to be a rather watery stew.

"No," Cara stated quickly before the woman could fill the bowl. "I'm fine. You need it more than I do." The lady poured the stew back into the pot and looked at the young girl who sat by the fire not saying anything. Cara had thought long and hard about what she was about to do and finally she realized that they deserved it.

She whistled to her black stallion that trotted over at his master's command. "I want to give you something," Cara said as she fished into her saddlebag before pulling out a small leather pouch. She plopped it into the woman's hand.

The coins that lay inside jingled at the movement. "It's my wages from last month." The woman stared wide eyed at the pouch of money that lay nestled in her hand for a moment before pushing it back toward Cara.

"I can't accept this," she said rejecting, but Cara refused to take back her gift.

"You can and you will," Cara said simply, before mounting her horse. "You offered me food when there wasn't even enough for you and your daughter. To me that deserves a reward."

"Thank you," the woman said with unshed teas in her eyes. Smiling, Cara turned Aidan back toward the knights. Only now instead of being across the field they were down the line of huts, surrounding a man who was held up by chains attached to his wrists. Cara had to look away. Angry welts marred the old man's back.

She arrived to see Arthur cut the man down. He collapsed in a heap upon the dusty ground and not a single soul moved to aid him. "Help this man," Arthur ordered angrily. Still no one moved. "Help him!" Arthur repeated louder and angrier.

"Hey, where did you get that," a voice shouted. Cara turned to see a Roman harassing the woman she had just helped. "You fancy stealing do ya?" he asked, menacingly grabbing a chunk of her hair.

"No it was given to me," she protested. Cara rode to her aide and dismounted Aidan quickly.

"Hey," Cara said trying to get the Roman's attention, but he ignored her as he shook the woman demanding to know where she got the money. Cara grabbed his collar and dragged him backwards. The Roman was heavy and he didn't go too far, but it got his attention.

"Stupid wench," he spat backhanding her. His blow was strong and Cara was on the ground. Satisfied he turned his attention back to the woman. Cara held her stinging cheek for a brief moment before rising to her feet.

"I gave her the money," she insisted, but once again she felt herself on the ground and a kick was dealt to her ribs. Cara gasped and went to rise again, but another kick knocked her back over.

"Stay out of this, whore," the Roman ordered. He didn't get another word out before he was dealt a hard blow. The Roman fell on his backside at the force of the impact and Cara felt herself being hoisted to her feet. Her ribs screamed, but she didn't think they were broken. The Roman rolled over and Cara could see that a bruise was already forming.

"Touch her like that again and it'll be the last thing you ever do," her savior said in a deadly voice. Cara was breathing hard and her labored breathes worried her rescuer.

"You okay," Lancelot asked, supporting more than half her weight. Cara nodded signaling that she was alright despite her hurting ribs. Lancelot let her go, but as soon as he did she nearly doubled over. "No you're not," he said, catching her before she collapsed.

"Lancelot, I'm fine really," she protested. "I'm just a little shaken up." Lancelot looked at her. He didn't believe a word she said. Cara wasn't easily shaken and a small fight like that shouldn't have bothered her as much as she insisted it did.

"So what was that all about?" he asked, changing the subject as he walked with her back to her horse. Cara really didn't want to tell anyone, but she thought she could trust Lancelot.

"I gave her my month's wages. She and her daughter are starving and I can't bear to see a child starve. The Roman thought she had stolen it. I tried to explain, but he wouldn't listen." Lancelot shook his head at the thought of the Romans.

Cara mounted and winced at the painful movement and it didn't go unnoticed. "You sure you're okay?" Lancelot asked, as they rode toward Arthur. Cara nodded.

"Just a little sore," she responded plainly. The two stopped a little ways behind their commander who watched the packing serfs.

Tristan rode up alongside Cara to report to his commander. Cara had forgotten she was supposed to scout, but neither Tristan nor Arthur looked as though they cared. "They have flanked us to the east; they're coming from the south, trying to cut off our escape." The scout sounded out of breath. What did he do run here? "They'll be here before nightfall."

"How many," Arthur asked seriously, his face holding no emotion.

"An entire army," the scout said still breathless. Cara looked at Arthur. The worry showed in her still grey eyes. Arthur stared back into them and for a second his mind wasn't there. Instead he wondered if he would ever be gazing back into bright blue eyes again.

"And the only way out is to the south?" Cara asked, bring Arthur back into reality. Tristan shook his head.

"East. There is a trail, heading east. Across the mountains," he said inclining his head in that direction. "It means we'll have to cross behind the Saxon lines, but that's the road we should take." He was still trying to catch his breath. His dark eyes glanced around as he eyes the packing serfs. "Arthur, who are all these people?"

"They're coming with us," Arthur said simply.

"Then we'll never make it," Tristan replied in the same tone. Already Cara could hear the pounding drums in the distance.


	27. Who I Am From The Start

_**27 – Who I Am From the Start **_

The drums seemed to be coming closer and Cara was fidgeting nervously in the saddle. "Get back to work," a Roman commanded. Cara looked to see several people building a brick wall in front of a wooden door. Arthur saw it as well and moved toward them.

Arthur drew Excalibur as he came closer to the monks. "Move," he ordered. No one even flinched. "Move!" he commanded louder, pointing his sword at the neck of a mercenary. The knights rode in closer at the sound of their commander's raised voice. "What is this?" he asked. His voice was still raised and Cara had to inwardly flinch at his tone.

"You cannot go in there. No one goes in there," the man said hauntingly. Cara could only smirk. Rule number one. Don't ever tell Arthur he can't go someplace because usually it meant that they were hiding something and Arthur hated secrets. "This place is forbidden," he continued pointing toward the stone building.

"What are you doing?! Stop this!" Marius ordered obviously furious, but the knights were quick and blocked his path before he could go a foot more.

"Arthur, we have no time," Lancelot explained. They were wasting time and Cara knew that if they lost anymore the Saxons would surely catch up.

"Do you not hear the drums?" Galahad asked anxiously. Arthur didn't answer either one of them.

"Dagonet," he said, nodding his head toward the building. The gentle giant dismounted quickly with his axe in hand. It didn't take much for him to bring down the half done brick wall. At last he hit the door. Unsurprisingly it was locked.

"Key," Arthur demanded, looking to the mercenaries.

"It is locked... from the inside," one of them explained.

Arthur gave Dagonet a simple nod and the giant knight kicked at the door. His kicks were so strong it only took a few before he broke through and the door swung open. Cara could see anything past a few stairs. It was dark and she wondered how they were going to find anything in the dark. Arthur disappeared carrying a torch and was followed by Lancelot.

"Here you," Gawain commanded, pushing a monk forward into the dark. "Go. Move!" Cara went to follow, but Galahad's hand on her shoulder stopped her. A simple shake of his head told her that she didn't want to go in there. Tristan unsheathed his sword. Cara sensed that he felt threatened.

Each moment that passed was another moment lost and Cara was jumpier than ever. She had nothing else to concentrate on, but the advancing drums. Tristan seemed a little on the edge as well which was rare. Usually he lived for battle. Cara jumped again as a bang was heard from inside. Her eyes watched the door anxiously.

"Water! Give me some water!" Arthur called as he finally exited. He was carrying a badly injured girl from what Cara could see. Lancelot, Dagonet, and Gawain filed out after him. Dagonet held a little boy who looked to have a broken arm.

Arthur was gentle as he laid the woman on the ground. Lancelot retrieved his horse and rode over beside Cara. Only Cara wasn't looking toward him, instead her eyes were on the girl. She had a feeling of what she was and Tristan confirmed her suspicions

"She's a Woad," he said, sheathing his sword. Anger began building up inside of her.

"I'm a Roman officer. You're safe now," Arthur comforted. "You're safe..." Lancelot watched Cara intently. He knew she wouldn't take it well when they saved a Woad and in doing so it seemed to spark the anger that he thought was gone.

"Stop what you are doing!" Marius commanded approaching Arthur quickly in his anger.

"What is this madness?" Arthur asked furiously. Marius however was the exact same way.

"They are all Pagans here!" Lancelot looked anxiously at Cara. Cara glared menacingly at the pompous ass. If looks could kill every Roman in the entire village would have been dead.

"So are we," Galahad spat. Religion was no reason to treat a little boy the way they had. Cara didn't care about the Woad. She deserved whatever they had done to her.

"They refuse to do the task God has set for them! They must die as an example!" Marius shouted as he tried to explain why they were locked up in the dark. Cara agreed with him about the Woad, but that was no way to treat a little boy.

"You mean they refused to be your serfs!" Arthur shouted. His anger was getting the best of him, but maybe he would kill the Roman. It would please Cara to say the least.

"You are a Roman. You understand. And you are a Christian!" As if that was a reason. "You," he shouted at his wife. "You kept them alive!" Cara watched as Marius backhanded her hard across the face. Cara would have jumped off her saddle and slit his throat right then and there had Lancelot not had a tight grip on her arm. She sent him one of her famous glares and he only shook his head at her.

Arthur had the same idea she had and he retaliated, hitting the Roman so hard he fell on his backside. He grabbed Excalibur and pointed it at Marius's exposed throat. His guards quickly came to his aid, but the fat roman stopped them.

"No, no! Stop!" he ordered before turning his attention back to Arthur. "When we get to the Wall, you will be punished for this heresy." Cara glared daggers at the arrogant Roman.

"Perhaps I should kill you now and seal my fate." Arthur grabbed the man by the collar and pressed his sword closer. Cara could see the fear in the man's eyes.

"I was willing to die with them," one of the monks said almost sadly. Arthur turned his attention to him. "Yes, to lead them to their rightful place. It is God's wish that these sinners be sacrificed. Only then can their souls be saved."

"Then I shall grant His wish," Arthur replied. He turned to the knights. "Wall them back up."

"Arthur," Tristan tried to protest.

"I said, wall them up!" he screamed. Cara shuddered at his tone of voice. Tristan turned his horse away from his commander and Bors rushed to do Arthur's bidding. They were wasting time. It was precious time they simply didn't have.

The serfs eagerly helped in walling the monks back up and Cara could faintly hear the monks yelling, "These sinners! These sinners!"


	28. Take Me Home To My Heart

_**28 – Take Me Home To My Heart **_

Scouting around was her job and instead of riding behind she rode to the side of the caravan. Tristan was up ahead with Arthur and most of the other knights. Dagonet was in the wagon with young boy and the Woad.

Cara caught a glance at her as she was passing by and Cara looked back at the woman disgusted. She was the reason Cara wouldn't have a happily ever after. As soon as their eyes met Cara urged her horse forward. Tears stung her eyes and the whirling snow wasn't to blame. Her vision was clouded and she refused to let the tears fall.

Lancelot and Gawain saw Cara's head hanging low and they knew all too well what she was going through. Cara hadn't spoken to Arthur since he saved the girl from death and they didn't know if she would ever forgive him. Cara saw it as a betrayal and what made it worse was that her betrayer was one of her closest friends.

The dark, curly haired knight stopped for a second as he debated whether or not he should go speak with her and he finally decided against it. Cara needed time alone. He saw Arthur glance at the young girl that lay in the wagon. Annoyed with his best friends kindness he rode over to him.

"We're moving too slow. The girl's not going to make it and neither is the boy. The family we can protect, but we're wasting our time with all these people," he said angrily.

"We're not leaving them," Arthur said simply, dragging his eyes away from the snow capped mountains to look his friend in the eye. Lancelot drew in a sharp, angry breath.

"If the Saxons find us we will have to fight," he said, trying to make his best friend as well as his commander see the danger he was putting the knights in.

"Then save your anger for them," Arthur responded rather harshly. Understanding dawned in Lancelot's eyes.

"Is this Rome's quest? Or Arthur's?" he asked. He didn't wait for an answer. Instead he turned his horse away from Arthur and rode toward Cara, unknowing that she had heard the entire exchange. Cara knew he was still steaming when he rode up to her.

Cara didn't say a word and Lancelot wondered if she had gone back to her mute self after the attack from the Roman. "How are your ribs?" he asked, his voice calmer now. Cara looked up to meet his gaze and nodded that she was fine.

"Arthur didn't deserve that even if it is true," Cara said keeping her eyes on the road ahead. "He made his decision and it's too late to let these people go on their own." Lancelot knew she was right, but the thought of the advancing Saxons kept him on the edge. Cara heard a creaky sound and looked to see Arthur entering the wagon where the boy was held.

Lancelot didn't miss the scowl that appeared on her face. "The girl is not like the murderers that killed Gareth," Lancelot said softly. Hearing his name for the first time in a long time made her chest tighten. Her voice quavered a bit when she spoke.

"She's a Woad," Cara said bitterly. Lancelot sighed in annoyance. Cara's hatred and stubbornness was going to get her killed one day.

"She's still human and not even the worst of criminals deserve to die in that horrible place." Cara glared up at him and there was as much spite in her eyes as there was in her voice.

"She does." Lancelot looked at her shocked, but Cara didn't wait for him to respond. She urged Aidan into a gallop and headed further up the line away from everyone else. Lancelot had never known Cara to be so hateful in fact she was the most compassionate of the knights, but now he had seen just how bad her hatred for Woads really was.

Cara's eyes burned with unshed tears. How could Arthur betray her like that? Her vision clouded and she could feel her tears overflowing and making trails down her cheeks. She wiped them from her eyes quickly when she saw Arthur approaching.

"I'm sorry if I offended you," he said simply. Offend? He did more than offend. He betrayed her after all these years. Cara's quick temper was surfacing and poor Arthur would be on the receiving end. That was someplace none of the knights liked to be. It was worse than having a sword stuck through you.

"Offended me?" she asked, her voice laced with disdain. "No. You betrayed me. After all these years. After telling me that everything was going to be alright you stab me in the back and save one of them," her voice was growing increasingly louder as her temper rose.

"Cara, no one deserves to die that way. Not even the Woads." He had said practically the same thing Lancelot had said and in return Cara gave him the same answer.

"She does," she spat, kicking her horse into a faster gait, but Arthur caught her reins. The horse reared slightly at the abrupt halt. "Let go!" she ordered. He led her horse so they could walk and talk without her running off.

"Not until I'm finished." The knights watched their exchange. They were happy that she was talking again, but worried that her sharp tongue would get her into trouble. "What has she ever done to you?" he asked; his voice serious.

"She's a Woad!" Cara exclaimed without missing a beat. Arthur let her go in understanding. He had temporarily forgotten about Gareth. He instantly understood how deep her hate for Woads ran. It did not matter who they were. All that mattered was that Cara was still haunted by that fateful day and Arthur realized just how deeply he had betrayed her, even if it was the right thing to do.

"It was the right thing to do," Arthur explained calmly hoping that she would calm down as well. Her anger only escalated.

"The right thing to do?" she questioned disbelieving. "The right thing to do would be to get rid of her before I do," she spat disgusted. Arthur moved to say something, but Cara cut him off before he got a word out. "Her people killed him, Arthur!" she shouted, refusing to say his name. Arthur saw the tears that brimmed her eyes. "They killed one of our own. Why shouldn't we kill one of theirs? A life for a life," she supplied.

"Is that what this is about?" Arthur asked, taking his eyes off the trail to look at her. "Revenge?" he asked disbelieving. Cara didn't answer. "Cara, no good comes from vengeance," he said handing back her reins. She grabbed them from his hand, but he grabbed her arm. "It's time to let go," he said softly before pushing his horse into a canter and leaving Cara behind.


	29. Let Me Go And I Will Run

_**29 – Let Me Go And I Will Run **_

Cara stared blankly after he commander. He had the nerve to stab her in the back and then tell her that it was okay. He was a Roman and right now he was no better than the scum who had sent her on this mission. Galahad rode closer to her hoping to have a conversation with her that didn't end with her running off.

Before he could get a word out, Cara turned her horse in the other direction. "Leave me alone, Galahad," she spat angrily, picking up her pace just long enough to get rid of the knight. Bors laughed aloud at Galahad's expense.

"You sure have a way with women, Pup," he bantered. Lancelot, however, was not amused. He was worried for Cara. Never before had she spoken to Arthur in that manner, never. He was her commander and she respected him.

The sky had grown darker and Cara could feel a snowstorm coming on. "We'll take shelter in those trees," Arthur said stopping the band of knights. "Tristan." The silent scout knew what need done and Arthur didn't have to tell him.

"You wanna go out again," he said talking to his hawk. The scout raised his arm quickly giving the bird a slight push as she leapt into the sky. Tristan gave Cara a small nod before heading off. That nod told Cara one thing. '_Don't follow me.' _Cara respected his wishes and stayed among the knights.

Arthur rode to the head of the pack and Lancelot had stopped to gaze out at the snowy scenery, but a voice made him turn around. "It's a beautiful country is it not?" the Woad asked. Cara was a little ways from the group and she pushed Aidan into a trot to get somewhat ahead. She heard the conversation grow louder as she came closer.

"If you say so," he replied, shrugging his shoulders.

"And where do you come from that compares?" she continued. Lancelot turned his horse to face her and a smile was evident upon his face, much to Cara's dismay. "The Black Sea?" she half said half asked. "This is heaven for me."

"I don't believe in heaven. I've been living in this hell," he answered as a cheeky grin appeared on his face. "But if you represent what heaven is, then take me there." Cara halted Aidan. A look that contained shock, disbelief, and horror was evident on her pale face. Lancelot only then seemed to notice her presence and he turned to her. He realized his mistake a little too late. "Cara…" he said, already trying to explain.

Cara shook her head in denial as she turned Aidan away from him and away from the caravan. He was flirting with her. He was the one person that Cara thought cared about what happened to her, but it looked like she was wrong. He was just like the rest of them. She galloped past the caravan, tears streaming heavily down her cheeks. She tried to hide her sadness as she passed wagons and villagers, but they all stared after her.

Lancelot followed her and again the villagers watched. Cara was going back the way they had come, but as soon as she thought she was free an unknown force collided with her and pulled her from her horse. She rolled on the ground as she tried to escape.

"Let me go," she protested, as the tears continued to make their way down her cheeks.

"Cara, I'm sorry," he apologized, still holding onto her wrists. Still she struggled wildly trying to get away from her betrayer. "Cara, please listen to me?" he begged.

"Why should I," she shot back. "You don't care about me so don't pretend you do."

"Cara…" he tried again. His voice was filled with disbelief as though it was a preposterous thing for her to say.

"Leave me alone," she said, struggling once more, but his grip only tightened as he struggled to hang onto her. She was strong and if Lancelot wasn't careful she would get away.

"Cara, I care about you. More than you will ever know," he said trying to make her listen.

"No you don't," she accused. "If you cared about me even the littlest you wouldn't have done that. You stabbed me in the back just like Arthur!" she screamed. Her struggles became wilder and she thrashed and kicked and screamed at the man that held her.

"Cara, listen to me." Cara was beyond listening she was upset and distraught. "Cara, listen!" he said louder as he shook her. "Stop!" he said forcefully. Cara's struggles ceased. "I don't give a damn about Roman's or Woads, but I sure as hell give a damn about you. Do you remember that day about eight years ago?" he asked. Cara didn't move to respond. "Do you remember?" he asked, harsher.

**FLASHBACK (8 Years Ago) **

"I don't like this place," Cara said, glancing in every direction as they rode. A few of the knights chuckled, but others remained serious as they heeded her discomfort.

"Aww come on, Cara," Bors said, trying to ease her mind. "Nothing's out here, but a few rabbits and squirrels."

"I still don't like it," she answered; her eyes never left the trees to the left and Tristan's eyes never left Cara.

They rode a few more miles before both Cara and Tristan stopped at the same time. It was never a good sign when that happened. As if on cue Woads ran from the trees and both Cara and Tristan knocked their arrows hoping to bring as many down as they could before the blue warriors reached the other knights.

However, once they reached them, all hell broke loose. Cara drew her sword and brought down quite a few before she met up with one of the stronger Woads. He blocked each blow she dealt and dodged each move she tried to make on him.

Somehow he managed to get past her defense and sliced at her middle. The blow struck her in the side when she attempted to dodge and he took advantage of her temporary pain. He grabbed her wrist and tried to drive his sword through her, but she blocked and spun away from him. She learned to block out pain and now was no different.

Unexpectedly, the Woad landed her a kick to the ribs and she was on the ground. He drove his sword downward, but Cara once again blocked and spun his sword away from him. This time the Woad was more accurate in his kicks and it was dealt right to her wounded side.

This time Cara could not block out the pain and she curled in a ball to protect herself. The Woad took advantage of this and he drew a dagger from his animal hide belt. She closed her eyes and awaited her death, but it never came. A body landed heavily on top of her and a small grunt was emitted from his throat when the dagger hit flesh.

Cara's eyes opened to see Lancelot lying on top of her with the Woad's dagger embedded deep in his shoulder. The Woad was dispatched a moment later, courtesy of Tristan. "Lancelot," Cara breathed as he struggled to get off her. He groaned again as he pushed himself to his feet. Arthur was already there helping his friend and Gareth was bent down next to Cara.

"Lancelot!" she called after him. The curly haired knight turned around to look at her. "Thank you." The knight only nodded and a small smile played upon his lips.

**END FLASHBACK **

"Yes," Cara answered, her voice somewhat choked.

"Then don't you think, not for even one second, that I don't care about you!" he said seriously gripping her biceps and forcing her to look him in the eye. He released his hold on her and Cara collapsed to the ground, but Lancelot caught her before she hit the dust.

She looked up into his dark eyes and for a moment she felt his gaze pierce a single piece of her shattered heart. He saw a single tear fall, but that was all. "Come on," he said pulling away.

"Let go of me," she snapped, pulling her arm out of his grasp. Apparently she was still angry. Their horses were waiting not far from them and together they made their way back to the caravan in complete silence.


	30. I Will Not Be Silenced

_**30 – I Will Not Be Silenced **_

Cara took care of her own horse that night. She needed time to think about what Lancelot had said. His voice was so different when he had spoken to her. It held worry and passion all at the same time and Cara couldn't understand what he saw in a girl like her.

She wasn't worth it. Sure, she loved him back, but she didn't know if she was ready to let go of Gareth. Jols interrupted her thoughts as he came to take Aidan from her. She watched as he tied the black animal next to the others before setting to work on brushing down one of the wagon horses.

Cara didn't want to go anywhere near Lancelot or Arthur that night. Anger was still flowing through her veins and right now Cara didn't trust herself. She found a large rock to sit on by the lake. Though uncomfortable, it got her away from everyone else

The silvery moon reflected off the calm waves. A light breeze blew in the distance and Cara pulled her cloak tighter around her. She was always cold and after 15 years she had grown tired of the feeling. She looked to see Lancelot talking to the Woad again. She shook her head at him. What he did was his business, Cara no longer cared.

Cara watched the lake in silence. She would probably end up sleeping here tonight, away from the people she hated most right now. She heard the heavy footfalls and felt the presence of someone beside her, but she did not turn to look at them. "Cara," the voice said softly. Cara didn't respond. "Cara, please. Look at me." The voice was soft and caring.

Cara looked into the soft eyes of Dagonet as he held her chin up so that their gazes met. "Do not blame Arthur or Lancelot for their actions." Cara didn't speak, but her eyes said, _'why shouldn't I?' _"They have their own opinions and each of us have a right to that," he continued. Dagonet always knew what to say, a trait that was desirable among the knights. "You forget they have lost brothers to the Woads just as you have. The only difference is that they have a different outlook on things. You see it as all Woads, no matter who they are, are evil. They only hate the ones they face on the battlefield." Cara gave a slight nod in understanding. "Just remember one thing, Cara," he said taking her cheek in the palm of his hand. "Lancelot would've left the Woad to die, but he followed Arthur because he trusts him."

"That doesn't explain why he flirted with her," Cara interrupted.

"Lancelot flirts with any woman. You of all people should know that." Cara nodded in response. "As for Arthur, we've trusted him for 15 years and he's never led us down the wrong path. Why should you begin to doubt him now?" With that Dagonet left to go back to the boy and Cara was left wondering about what the gentle giant had said.

He had spoken the truth and Cara was foolish to yell at two of her closest friends. She realized she would have to apologize sometime and now would probably be the best time. Slowly she rose from her rock and made her way to Arthur who was seated in the ground a few paces away. "I'm sorry," she said softly as she came closer. Arthur looked at her quizzically. "It was wrong of me to yell at you the way I did today."

Arthur shook his head at Cara. "I should have remembered how sensitive you were to Woads,' he replied. "The fault was mine and you had every right to yell at me." It was Cara's turn to shake her head in disagreement.

"I never have the right to yell at you. You were right in saving the girl, though I hate to admit it. I was just foolish."

"No. You were Cara," he said giving her a small smile. "Just because I saved her doesn't mean you have to like her," he pointed out.

"Believe me, I don't," she said halfheartedly. "I just came to tell you that I was sorry and to ask for your forgiveness." Arthur rose from where he sat.

"Of course I forgive you," he said giving her a gentle hug and Cara was still a little touchy about being touched, but she returned the gesture nonetheless.

"Now if you'll excuse me I have one more apology to make," she said dismissing herself.

"Lancelot?" he guessed.

"Lancelot," she confirmed with a slight smile before heading toward the curly haired knight. He was sitting under a tree and he fingered the pendent that hung from his neck. He looked up at her and neither one said anything for the longest time. They simply stared at one another. "I'm sorry," Cara finally said.

Lancelot looked shocked. He half expected her to come and lash him with her words once more, but he quickly composed himself. "No I shouldn't have flirted with her like that when my heart belongs to someone else." Why was everyone saying that it wasn't her―wait what? Cara stared at him blankly and a nervous chuckle escaped his lips. Cara pulled herself together just as Lancelot had done moments ago.

"Still, you are free to do what you want. I don't know why it bothered me so much."

"I do," Lancelot said quickly before Cara could go any further. Cara looked at him waiting for him to respond. "You are still upset over Gareth and I understand why you hate the Woads as much as you do. Trouble was I thought about that after I had 'talked' with Guinevere." There was his name again and each time she heard it a piece of her already shattered heart would break creating more pieces that she would have to pick up.

Cara shook her head in disagreement. "Don't lie, Cara," Lancelot said accusingly. "Your tears give you away." Cara didn't even know she was crying. She put a hand to her cheek and sure enough there were tears. Cara wiped them away quickly. "Come here," Lancelot said offering a place next to him.

Cara uneasily settled herself down and when she had done so Lancelot pulled her into a tight hug. Cara tensed. What was it with people hugging her? He felt her muscles lock up and he instantly released her. "I'm sorry," he said, apologizing. Cara waved it off before getting up. Lancelot looked at her pitifully, like an abandoned puppy.

"I promised Dagonet I'd help with the boy," she lied. That was one thing she was good at, except for when it had to do with _**him**__. _She made her way over to the young boy who was sleeping peacefully under the watchful eye of Dagonet. Cara said nothing as she approached him and he said nothing in return. They simply sat there in silence until Cara finally allowed herself to fall asleep.


	31. All This Time Spent In Vain

_**31 – All This Time Spent In Vain **_

Cara awoke with a start when a Roman grabbed her and pulled her roughly against him. A dagger was placed at her throat. Anger welled up inside the knight. She could stand the hugs from her friends, but when it came to a Roman she was downright frustrated.

His grip tightened around her and she winced at the pain it caused her bruised ribs. Dagonet was already fighting back, but while he was distracted Marius grabbed the boy. "I have the boy," he announced triumphantly. Cara turned to see the evil Roman holding a knife to Lucan's neck.

"Let him go!" Cara shouted trying to be free of the Roman that held her, but his grip was strong.

"Kill him now!" Marius shouted at his men. There were too many for the giant to take on at once and Cara worried for him. Without warning an arrow whizzed by and landed in Marius' chest. Cara looked to see the Woad come trotting in with another arrow knocked. A clear look of disgust was on Cara's face.

Lancelot had his twin blades resting on his shoulders as he advanced on the Roman that still held Cara hostage. "You really don't want to touch her," he advised. The look he had in his eyes was enough to frighten her captor. Cara struggled in his grasp and finally got herself free. She drew a dagger of her own and plunged it into the man's heart.

"Don't touch me," she spat at the dead corpse. Without another word she walked away from the scene and toward Aidan. She was going out for her morning rounds and hopefully she would meet up with Tristan on the way. She rode past Lancelot, but halted her black steed as Tristan rode out of the trees with a Saxon crossbow in his hand. "How many did ya kill?" Bors asked, seeing the scout.

"Four," he answered as he continued to ride toward Arthur.

"Not a bad start to the day," Bors said chuckling. Tristan dropped the crossbow at Arthur's feet and a feeling of dread entered Cara's heart.

"Armor piercing. They're close we have no time," he said quickly. Cara understood the meaning of his words. They had to get out of there and fast.

"You and Cara ride ahead," he commanded. Both scouts wasted no time in moving their horses forward.

"Ya," Cara shouted, kicking Aidan into a steady canter as she and Tristan rode quickly ahead. They slowed their horses as soon as they could no longer see the caravan behind them. They wanted to remain close yet far away at the same time.

"How many were there," Cara asked, hoping to get a little more out of Tristan than Bors had. He never did tell anyone the whole story and his expressions were as passive as ever. Cara caught the deep breath he took before speaking.

"A hundred at least," he said looking at Cara to see her reaction to his words. He couldn't see anything in her blank face and it bothered him to no end. He used to always be able to read what was on Cara's mind and now she was as blank as a slate.

"Will we be able to outrun them?" she asked, fearful of the answer though she did not let her fear show. Tristan took a moment before answering. It seemed to Cara that he was choosing his words carefully.

"If we didn't have all those people? Yes," he answered simply. Cara knew what he meant, but for some reason she needed to hear it out loud.

"And with them?" she asked. Tristan looked at her and she met his gaze. His eyes seriously wanted to know if she had just asked him that. Cara should know that that wouldn't be able to outrun the Saxons, but there was question in her eyes nonetheless.

"They'll catch up to us before nightfall," he answered. Cara couldn't believe it. What were they going to do with all those people? Half of them were children. She had seen their faces. They were so eager to finally be free and now what was it all for. They would die anyway at the hands of the Saxons.

Cara wasn't watching where she was going, but when Tristan stopped, Aidan stopped. Cara wasn't prepared for the sudden stop and she swayed slightly. Tristan watched her warily, making sure that she wouldn't fall, before turning back to what lay in front of them.

It was a lake. The cold weather had iced it over and hopefully it was solid enough to cross. Otherwise they were trapped. Tristan dismounted and Cara followed his example as they walked toward the ice. He moved to step out onto it, but Cara stopped him. "I'm lighter," she argued. "If it holds me then we'll see if it holds you."

Tristan nodded warily. He didn't like the idea of her risking her life like that. They didn't know how thick the ice was and if she fell through he would have a hard time getting her out without falling in himself. "Be careful," he warned as she stepped cautiously out onto the frozen water. She took a few steps out and so far so good. She went a few more feet until she came back.

It held Cara, but she was the lightest of the knights. Tristan stepped out at a different place as he tested the ice. A small creak was heard, but it wasn't enough to worry him. The ice didn't crack as much as he thought it would. Satisfied he made his way back to Cara. "It should hold," he said not taking his eyes off the lake.

"Should I go back and tell the others?" Cara asked, watching to frozen water as well. Tristan shook his head.

"They'll catch up." The two scouts waited there for several minutes and finally the caravan caught up with them. Arthur stopped the people a few feet away before he and the knights made their way toward the two scouts that stood staring at the frozen lake.

"Is there any other way," Arthur asked. He obviously didn't want to cross the ice if there was another option. Cara and Tristan both shook their heads, but it was Tristan who responded.

"No, we have to cross the ice."

"The ice should hold, both of us were able to walk upon it," Cara added hoping to ease her commander's nerves. Arthur breathed a sigh. He didn't like the order he was about to give, but there was no other option.

"Get them all out of the carriages," he ordered. "Tell them to spread out."


	32. Wasted Years, Wasted Gain

_**32 – Wasted Years, Wasted Gain **_

Cara led Aidan slowly across the ice. She had not thought to see if it would hold the horses' and each step they took she heard the ice crack beneath her. Cara tried to block out the fearful feeling she had in her heart. Surly the army of Saxons wouldn't be able to cross the ice. Their numbers would break the solid water that was beneath them.

Cara heard the drums. It seemed as though they were right behind them. She looked at the other knights and they looked at her. She knew what was coming though she dreaded the thought of having a battle on the ice.

Arthur turned to face each of his knights who had stopped roughly at the same place. "Knights?" he half said half questioned. He was leaving them to decide their fate and Cara's excitement overthrew her fear.

"Well I'm tired of running. And these Saxons are so close my arse is hurting," Bors said plainly.

"Never liked looking over my shoulder anyway," Tristan added. Cara could see that all the knights were itching for a fight and truth be told so was she.

"It'll be a pleasure to put an end to this racket," Gawain said. He was tired of hearing the drums that stalked them everywhere they went.

"We finally get a look at the bastards," Galahad stated.

"Here! Now!" Dagonet said excitedly. Arthur looked at Lancelot who only gave a nod of his head that said _'let's get this over with'_. He then turned to Cara.

"Cara?" he asked, waiting on her response.

"I'm sick of them stalking me," she said with a smirk. Arthur looked at her warmly before yelling at Jols.

"You two, take the horses," the stable master ordered firmly. Arthur then turned to another man that Cara had never met before.

"Ganis, I need you to lead the people. The main Saxon army is inland so if you track the coastline until you're well south of the wall, you'll be safe," he directed, but the man shook his head.

"You're eight against two hundred."

"Nine," the Woad interrupted. "You could use another bow." Cara could feel the anger rising up inside her, but a gentle hand from Lancelot calmed her.

"Ignore her," he said simply. Cara's bow hung off her shoulder and her sword was hung in the scabbard on her belt along with several daggers she had hidden. She picked up the shield she had been given and made her way away from the carriages and toward the waiting knights.

The wind blew lightly in her face as she positioned herself between Gawain and Galahad. She nocked an arrow and held it lightly before her in preparation of the battle. She watched as the Saxons marched onto the ice. Cara could hear the ice cracking. "Hold until I give the command," Arthur ordered.

Cara hated watching her enemies like this. They were so close and she had to wait. "You look frightened," Lancelot said to Guinevere. "That's a large number of lonely men out there." The Woad only smirked.

"Don't worry I won't let them rape you," she said innocently. The knights chuckled softly, all except Cara who kept her eyes and mind on the enemy. She watched as a Saxon archer came forward with a crossbow. He released the arrow quickly. Cara had to chuckle when it slid across the ice. It didn't even make it halfway.

"So much for their armor piercing weaponry," Cara joked. The rest of the knights chuckled as they tried to keep the mood light.

"I believe they are waiting for an invitation," Arthur announced. "Tristan, Cara."

"They are far out of range," Guinevere exclaimed. Arthur smirked and the rest of the knights chuckled as Cara raised her bow. After a few moments Cara and Tristan released their arrows in perfect synchronization. Each one hit a Saxon soldier. Arthur raised his eyebrows at the Woad and Guinevere could only glare. Cara smirked and Gawain laughed softly beside her.

"Aim for the wings of the ranks. Make them cluster," Arthur commanded as each of knights now had their bows raised. Cara had two on her bowstring. They released round after round and still the ice did not break. "It's not going to break. Fall back! Fall back!" he commanded loudly. He drew Excalibur. This was the moment Cara had been dreading. "Prepare for combat."

Cara had her sword drawn ready to fight for her life. Suddenly, Dagonet pulled away from the group and toward the oncoming Saxons. "Dag!" Bors yelled after him in protest, but the giant knight kept running.

"Cover him," Arthur ordered quickly. Cara threw down her sword and had two arrows nocked before Arthur could finish. She released two sets before an arrow pierced Dagonet in the side. Without thinking she stopped firing. She dropped her bow, grabbed her shield, and headed out after Dagonet.

Gawain tried to grab her, but she was too quick and she dodged his hand. "Cara!" she heard Lancelot call, but Cara continued to run toward the giant knight. Another bolt pierced him before Cara could reach him and she pushed herself faster.

"Get out of here!" Dagonet roared as Cara positioned herself and the shield in front of him. Cara shook her head vigorously as an arrow embedded itself in the shield.

"I'm not leaving you," she shot back. The words were barely out of her mouth when the suddenly heavy shield nearly fell out of her grasp. Cara pushed herself to the limit and lifted the shield back up as she fought the pain the bolt had caused. The giant knight continued to hack away at the ice and Cara continued to shield him.

At last she could feel the ice breaking and Dagonet was falling forward. Cara dropped the shield and she shoved him back with all her might. However, she stumbled back at his weight and fell hard onto a sheet of ice. She fought the urge to cry out as the bolt broke her fall. The ice was disturbed however, by a Saxon that had met the fate of one of Tristan's arrows and she fell into the freezing water.

She surfaced quickly and grabbed onto another floating sheet of ice. The ice was slick which made it next to impossible for her to heave her way onto it. The water was so cold it knocked the air right out of her lungs and she was struggling to make herself breathe as it tightened up her lungs.

The sheet of ice rose upward due to her unbalanced weight and she was sent sliding back into the subzero water below. This time she didn't know if she could surface. A hand brushed against her shoulder. Suddenly she was being pulled upward and out of the icy tomb.

She struggled to breathe as she was laid on her side. "Cara!" a frantic voice called. "Come on, Cara wake up." Someone was shaking her. She groaned at the pain and her eyes shot open. Lancelot breathed a sigh of relief, but it turned to worry as soon as Cara's tired lids closed. "Cara! Cara, look at me!" he said shaking her again. Her eyes shot open once again. "Stay with me," he commanded.

Slowly he helped her to her feet. Lancelot hated having to make her walk, but as long as she was walking she wasn't sleeping. She leaned heavily on Lancelot for support as she tried to fight her weariness. He struggled with her weight as he pulled her off the ice and toward the waiting horses. Dagonet was already slouched on his own.

She shivered in the cold as she made her way to Aidan, but Lancelot stopped her and pulled her onto his own horse. Her shivering didn't stop even after Lancelot mounted behind her. He threw his cloak around her in an attempt to keep her warm and she felt him pull her against his chest.

She didn't want to get him all wet, but every time she tried to move away he push her back into him. Finally she didn't have the strength to refuse and she simply sat there. Here head lolled to the side and Lancelot shook her awake. "Stay with me," he ordered firmly. Each time she was shaken a new wave of pain overwhelmed her.

Lancelot held the shivering girl close to him. She was so cold and as much as he wanted to let her sleep he knew she couldn't. If she slept there was a chance that she would never wake and right now Lancelot couldn't bear to lose her.


	33. All Is Lost, Hope Remains

_**33 – All Is Lost, Hope Remains **_

It had taken both Gawain and Bors to get Dagonet into the wagon and Fulucina was already waiting at the entrance. Lancelot pulled Cara from the saddle and this time he carried her. She groaned slightly when he bumped the broken bolt that still resided in her left shoulder. He carried her quickly in after Dagonet and placed her on a pile of furs in the corner.

She needed to get out of her wet clothes and fast. Already her lips were blue and her face was whiter than the snow that lay outside. To Lancelot she looked like death itself. The only good sign was that she was still shivering which meant she hadn't fully succumbed to the cold. Lancelot left after he had laid her down as did Bors and Gawain. They did not want to be in the way of the women and it was best if they stayed out of the wagon altogether.

Guinevere made her way toward the shivering knight that lay huddled in the corner. The woman pinned herself against the back of the wagon as the Woad came closer. "Stay away from me!" she tried to scream, but her voice was hoarse and strained. The Woad came closer with her palms facing toward Cara. "Get away," she repeated, trying to make herself disappear.

"I only want to help you," the Woad said soothingly bending down next to her, but Cara wouldn't have it. She pressed herself further against the back wall as she tried to distance herself from the advancing Woad.

"No!" she screamed. This time she made her voice clearer so that someone might hear her. The knights heard the scream and they knew who it was. Each of them looked at one another. They didn't have to say anything. They knew what was wrong. They had only hoped that she was too weak and weary to notice who tended to her. Gawain was quicker and closer to the wagon.

What he saw disturbed him deeply. Guinevere was there trying to get closer to her and Cara was frightened out of her mind. Gawain had never seen so much terror on Cara's face. She was practically climbing up the back of the wagon. He pushed the Woad away without missing a beat and not caring if he hurt her as Guinevere hit the floor with a thud. Gawain worried with one of his own before he worried about the Woad. Cara still huddled in the corner. Her pallor hadn't changed and her shivering was uncontrollable. Lancelot and Bors had followed and now stood behind Gawain.

"Easy girl," Gawain soothed as he went closer. Cara shivered violently as a wind whipped through the wagon. He stepped closer and closer until he was right next to her. The other knights shadowed him. He reached out to touch her pale face and instantly drew back as his warm hand met her icy cheek. "She feels like death itself."

"She needs to get out of those clothes," Guinevere said from behind them. Anger was evident in her voice, but the knights didn't seem to notice.

Lancelot hunkered down next to Gawain as he tried to think of a solution. "Trade places with Fulucina," he ordered. Hearing her name, the Roman woman was instantly by Cara's side.

"Out," was all she said and the knights were quick to obey. The knights returned to their horses in silence. None of them had anything to say for once. Cara looked worse than she had the day Gareth died and though no one wanted to admit it. They didn't think Cara had the will to survive this time.

It had been another few minutes before Fulucina appeared again. Lancelot rode over quickly as she beckoned to him. "I cannot attend to her wound," she said simply. What kind of Roman woman was she?

"Who attended to Dagonet?" he asked. Surely she was able to attend to his wound.

"Guinevere," was all she said. Lancelot let out an angry breath. He would have to go get Tristan. Though he wasn't as gentle as Dagonet he still knew the same about healing as the giant knight.

Cara kept as much distance between her and the Woad as possible. She winced as the weight of the wagon shifted and Tristan entered. Guinevere shuffled out of the wagon and Fulucina followed her after Tristan sent them a glare. He never did like it when people hovered over his shoulder.

He knelt down next to Cara. Her grey eyes weren't as grey as they used to be and Tristan saw a tiny hint of blue had returned to them. They stood out against her snow white skin. Her lips were still pale, but he was pleased they were going back to their former color. She did not have the furs draped over her which explained why she still shivered. Her wet hair clung to her face and she watched his every move.

Tristan moved stealthily behind her and Cara kept a wary eye on him. He pushed the light green dress she wore away from her shoulder. He slipped his knife under the temporary bandage that kept the blood off the material and pulled it away quickly. Tender fingers examined the bolt carefully and Cara, even in her half conscious state, was amazed at his gentle touch. She leaned her head against the wagon as he gripped the end of the bolt. She tried to breathe evenly, but when he ripped the bolt from her flesh she couldn't suppress a whimper.

He had cloth pressed against the wound quickly before it even had time to bleed. Cara hissed at the pressure. "Hold," he said simply and Cara pressed against the cloth as best she could. She had a feeling what was coming and her heart sank when she saw the needle and thread. Once he had it threaded he pushed her hands away with a flick of his wrist and threw the soiled cloth to the wooden floor before passing the needle through her skin.

She flinched and tensed at the painful contact. Tristan rubbed her shoulder soothingly. "Relax," he commanded softly, before turning back to his work. Cara was too weak to fight him off so she merely sat there. Her eyes half open as she tried to hold onto consciousness. She didn't want to be left alone with the Woad, whom she knew would come back eventually to check on Dagonet. She shuddered at the thought and winced at the pain it caused.

At last Tristan tied off the last stitch and cleaned up his mess before he pulled the furs tightly around the still freezing girl and helped her lie down. "Rest," he commanded softly, leaving the wagon. Cara shivered from the cold and shook with fear.

"How is she?" Lancelot asked as soon as Tristan appeared.

"The arrow wasn't deep," he said, before mounting up and riding away. He sure didn't give him enough information and Lancelot needed to see for himself that she was alright. Lancelot tied his horse to the wagon beside Aidan before entering.

She was still pale, but he slowly saw the color returning to her face. Her eyes were focused on the other side of the wagon and Lancelot slowly entered her view. He crouched down next to her and pushed a stray lock of wet hair away from her face. He let his warm hand linger on her icy cheek. She looked so prone and frail lying there. Seeing that she would be alright, he moved to get up and exit the wagon, but she latched onto his arm weakly.

"Don't leave me," she begged hoarsely and feebly, her eyes boring into his. Lancelot leaned up against the wagon next to her and wrapped his arms around her, cradling her gently, being careful of her injury. "Please don't leave me," she repeated, resting her head on his broad chest.

"Shh," he soothed. "I'm not going anywhere, now rest," he ordered softly. Reluctantly, Cara let her tired eyes close. Lancelot rubbed her arm soothingly. For the first time in a long time, Cara had finally let him into her heart and together they would pick up the shattered pieces.


	34. And This War's Not Over

_**34 – And This War's Not Over **_

Cara awoke with a start, but instantly regretted the action. Her shoulder ached at the sudden movement. She suddenly realized she was lying against something solid and looked to see Lancelot sleeping peacefully. He didn't leave her? Cara looked out of the cracks of the wagon. She could see each of the knights as well as Arthur.

Memories soon came flooding back and her eyes darted to the opposite corner of the wagon where Dagonet lied. He sat there peacefully watching her. A slight smile was on his face. "Glad to see you're awake. How are you feeling?"

"Fine," she answered simply. Dagonet laughed softly. He didn't believe her one bit.

"You're always fine." Cara shrugged and winced slightly when her shoulder flared at motion.

"How long's he been here?" she asked, nodding her heard toward the sleeping knight.

"He never left you," he said softly. "The other knights often offered to take his place, but he always refused." Cara looked down at Lancelot who had begun to stir.

As soon as he realized she was awake he enveloped her into a hug and she winced at the pain, but didn't let it show. "Glad to see you're alright."

"How long was I out?" she asked fearful of the answer.

"Bout a day and a half," the dark haired knight replied. He stayed with her that long?

"Why did you stay?" she suddenly asked. Her tone held curiosity and wonder. Lancelot looked her in the eye.

"Because you asked me to," he stated simply. It touched Cara's heart that he had done that for her and without any thought of what she was doing she planted a soft gentle kiss on his lips. Lancelot and Dagonet were both surprised and their faces showed it.

"Thank you," she said simply. Lancelot had been left speechless.

Lancelot left the wagon at about mid-day and Cara moved to follow, but he instantly pushed her back under the furs. "Stay here," he commanded. Cara watched him go and waited a few minutes before pushing the furs off her. She winced when she put weight on her unsteady legs and was surprised when she nearly tumbled back to the wooden floor. She decided to sit down before she fell down.

"Where are you going," Dagonet asked, already knowing the answer.

"Out. I've been in here long enough," she said positioning herself at the exit.

"You should be resting," he explained, still sitting on his ass.

"When have I ever done something I should have?" she asked. Dagonet didn't have to answer. Cara never did what she was told. "Besides I don't see you trying to make me stay here."

"That's because it would take more strength than I have to get you to stay here and you would still end up leaving anyway."

"I thought I was the worse one off?" she asked.

"You were and still are, which is why you should be resting, rather than going out," he explained. Cara shrugged him off. She hated being in this stuffy wagon.

"Some orders weren't meant to be followed, Dag, and that was one of them," she said pointing to Lancelot who rode next to Arthur.

"You're going to regret it." Cara turned her head and looked at him skeptically. If there was one thing she was going to regret it would be staying in this wagon the entire day.

"The only thing I'm going to regret is staying here," she said. "You should get out and live a little, Dag. You take things way too seriously."

"No," he said shaking his head in disagreement. "I listen to directions and you don't."

"Exactly," she said slipping from the wagon. Again her legs almost gave out on her, but she was able to get to Aidan and lean on him before they did so. She untied him quickly and mounted up. The other knights were surprised to see her riding next to them.

They gave different greetings and each one fit their personality. Tristan gave her quite a glare and shook his head at her stubbornness, Bors a hug, Galahad and Gawain shared a few jokes and Arthur was simply Arthur and told her that she shouldn't be up yet. Lancelot of course agreed with Arthur. "I thought I told you to stay in the wagon?"

"You did," she agreed and Lancelot of course was about to go off on a rant, but Cara stopped him before he could make a fool of himself. "But I don't like it in there. It's stuffy."

"You'll catch your death out here," Lancelot countered He knew there was no way she was getting back into that stuffy wagon so he rode close to her in case she decided to pass out.

"Oh please, I fell into an icy lake and I'm still here," she answered. Lancelot only shook his head. Cara would soon have to learn that she wasn't invisible. She may not be so lucky next time.

"Barely," Lancelot muttered under his breath. Cara scowled at him before turning to the other knights that rode a little ways off.

"How much longer until we reach the fort?" Cara asked to no one in particular.

"We'll be there before nightfall," Tristan said his expression unchanging as always. Cara nodded happily. If a few hours she would finally be free. She swayed slightly and Lancelot caught her arm. His brows furrowed with worry.

"You should get back in the wagon," he said, softly, but it seemed like more of an order to Cara. She smiled at him softly.

"I'm fine," she insisted, but Lancelot wasn't convinced and he was waiting for her to fall off. Cara was surprised at how weak she felt after only a couple of hours of riding. Perhaps Dagonet was right. Perhaps this wasn't the best idea. No. She would not give anyone the satisfaction of being right.

Lancelot could see Cara's eyes begin to droop and he immediately stopped his horse as well as hers. Cara's eyes snapped up and watched as he dismounted. What was he doing? Before she knew what was happening she was being lifted gently off the horse. Bors was already there to take care of the horses.

Cara was ready to be set on the ground so that she could walk back to the wagon, but she remained in Lancelot's arms. "Lancelot, put me down," she begged. Lancelot didn't respond as he carried her back into the wagon. Dagonet only chuckled at her entrance.

"Stay here and rest," Lancelot ordered softly. He placed the furs gently over top of her before leaving the wagon. Cara stole a glance at Dagonet who only looked at her with smiling eyes. She scowled at him before she buried her head in the warm furs that covered her.


	35. There's A Light, There's A Sun

_**35 – There's A Light, There's A Sun **_

Cara rode in the wagon for the remainder of the journey home. Guinevere was ordered to stay out of the wagon while Cara was in there and for that Cara was grateful. She didn't think she could handle the Woad right now.

The caravan arrived back at the wall just before the sun set. Tristan was right again. Then again when was he ever wrong? She hopped out of the wagon without help and nearly collapsed to the ground on her weak legs, but Galahad was there to catch her. She scowled at her weakness. "Thanks," she said quickly, before standing.

"You know when you get into trouble you sure don't do it half ass," he grinned.

"Thanks Galahad," she said sarcastically. "I really appreciate that." Galahad smiled. It was good to see her joking again.

"I'll help you to your room," he said taking her arm and allowing her to lean on him. She winced as pain shot through her shoulder.

"No," she protested, shoving his hands away. Again Cara almost collapsed and again Galahad caught her before she hit the ground. He moved to take her to her room, but she fought him. "I want my freedom," she said in a deadly tone that left no room for argument. Galahad was frightened by her tone of voice and nearly let go of her. A minute ago she was joking and now she looked as though she would kill him if he didn't let her stay.

"Come on," he said, reluctantly leading her back to where the other knights stood standing. Dagonet was almost standing on his own two feet, but Bors was there if he needed somebody to lean on. Cara took advantage of Galahad and leaned on him for support. The youngest knight wasn't at all happy, knowing that she was doing this just to annoy him. The bishop appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

"Ah! Good! Christ be praised! Against all the odds Satan could possi- Alecto!" he shouted with joy as he saw the boy. To be honest Alecto looked frightened and back away from him slightly. "Let me see you! You have triumphed! Young Alecto! Let me see you! You are here!" Cara looked at him disgusted and stood up straight, no longer leaning on Galahad for support. He didn't care that Dagonet could barely stand. All he cared about was the boy. It was as though their lives meant nothing to him.

The Bishop met their angry gazes and he chuckled nervously to himself. Cara had to smirk. She could smell his fear a mile away. "Great Knights. You are free now! Give me the papers. Come, come! Your papers of safe conduct throughout the Roman Empire! Take it, Arthur," he said again laughing nervously as Arthur slowly advanced on him. Arthur's glare was menacing and if looks could kill the fat man would have been dead in less than a second.

"Bishop Germanius," he said, giving the man very little room to breathe, "friend of my father." Arthur said nothing else before leaving the knights. Lancelot was the one to act and he grabbed the papers from the wooden box. "Cara," he said handing her hers, before moving on to the other knights.

She couldn't believe it. She was finally free. After fifteen long years she no longer had an obligation to serve Rome. Cara slumped to the ground in pure relief. "Cara!" Lancelot called in an alarmed tone, but she barely noticed. "Cara?" he questioned, kneeling down in front of her.

Cara raised her head and her eyes met his. They were still grey, but the blue seemed to be coming back to them. "I'm free," she breathed almost laughing. Lancelot hugged her tightly, but let her go as soon as she gasped when his hand met with her injured shoulder.

"Sorry," he apologized quickly. Cara shrugged him off and he helped her stand. He helped her toward the tavern and once inside Cara felt complete. The knights were laughing and drinking and Cara gladly joined them. Cara sat down at their usual table. She really wasn't up to par yet, but she had a feeling that a few drinks would help. Vanora seemed to read her mind and appeared with a full tray of filled mugs.

"Here ya go, luv," she said. "Bors said you deserved this one." Cara smiled as she practically chugged the drink and for the first time in a long time it wasn't out of anger. It was out of happiness and celebration. In a split second she was reminded once again of Gareth's promise though it didn't bother her as much as it had the first time.

She had come to terms with his death and it seemed after many months she had finally gotten over the man she loved. After all she did kiss Lancelot which was something that Cara would have never even thought of doing a few months ago.

She now understood why his flirting with Guinevere bothered her. She loved him. She loved him because when Gareth passed he was there. When she had been ill he was there. And when she was frightened of the Woad he was there. She had seen his kind and caring side and not his usual flirty, obnoxious self.

After many moths Cara finally felt love coming back into her heart and slowly though she didn't realize it, Lancelot was putting her shattered heart back together one piece at a time. "Hey, Cara," Gawain called drunkenly, snapping her out of her daydream. The blonde knight had a beer in one hand and a knife in the other. He threw it at a beam before pointing to it. "Beat that." He was obviously already drunk and Cara was still sober.

She flicked out her own dagger and before anyone had time to blink it was embedded in the hilt of Gawain's. "That's not fair," Bors accused. "She's sober." Cara laughed and so did the other knights. Dagonet and Tristan were the only silent ones in the group. Meaning they didn't say a word or even laugh for that matter. Sure they would smile at times, but that was all.

"Hey, Cara," Galahad called, he like Gawain was also drunk. "What do you plan to do now that you're free?" Cara never thought about it before. She was dead set on marrying Gareth and then they would take it from there. Now she had no plan. She shrugged as she tried to come up with something.

"Go home," she answered simply. Galahad shook his head and poured her another drink.

"You still ain't drunk enough," he said filling her cup to the rim.

"Drunk enough for what?" she asked. There was no reason for her to be drunk and do something absolutely stupid or foolish.

"Drunk enough to admit you're going to marry Lancelot," Galahad chirped. Lancelot looked up from his gambling at the sound of his name and Cara hoped he hadn't heard the drunken knight's accusations. Before she could get drunk she headed toward the wall. She wanted to gaze out of the land as a free woman and Lancelot gladly went along with her.

Ooo lala's were heard from behind them and Lancelot simply drew her closer. She was actually feeling somewhat better and she no longer had to put all her weight on Lancelot. "Ignore them," he whispered into her ear. Cara blushed, but thankfully it was dark and Lancelot didn't see.


	36. Taking All These Shattered Ones

_**36 – Taking All the Shattered Ones **_

They walked silently along the wall until they found a deserted place to look out over the vast land. Cara leaned on the heavy stone as she looked out over the dark land. Shadows loomed everywhere. The large oak stood alone in the darkness and Cara stared at the lone silhouette.

"Are you really planning on going home?" Lancelot asked, breaking the silence. Cara looked away from the land before her. Lancelot was bent over the wall right next to her. She looked at him for a moment before she looked at the stone in front of her.

"I don't know," she answered, laughing slightly in discomfort. "I don't even know if there is a home to go back to." Lancelot looked at her and waited for her to continue. "My mother died a few months after I was born due to sickness. My father was killed the day I was taken, courtesy of the Romans. I had no brothers or sisters, so really there is no point in me going home." Lancelot was silent. He had known about her father already, but having lost her whole family was something a person should never have to go through. "And you?" Cara asked, breaking his concentration.

Lancelot shrugged. "I've often thought about going home, but now I don't think I could leave the people I've lived half my life with." Cara nodded in both understanding and in agreement. Suddenly a single light appeared in the distance. Cara stared in wonder and curiosity.

"Lancelot?" she asked, wondering if he saw it too. Soon another was lit and an overwhelming sense of dread filled her heart. Fire after fire was lit and Cara could only watch. She was vaguely aware of Lancelot telling one of the guards to go get Arthur. She didn't realize she was shaking until one of Lancelot's hands overlapped hers.

"Hey, you alright?" he asked, but Cara's eyes remained on the glowing fires that littered the land. The other knights found their way to the wall and positioned themselves behind Lancelot and Cara.

"Make way! Make way!" she heard someone yell and her head whirled to face the stairs. Arthur bounded up them in only a few leaps and was by Lancelot's side in s matter of seconds. Cara cringed when she saw Guinevere beside him. Arthur's eyes remained focused on the fires for a few more moments. Both Tristan and Cara had a feeling of what was coming.

He sent both the knights and Guinevere a look that clearly said, _'forgive me'. _Cara looked at him in disbelief. Now she really knew what was coming. "Knights, my journey must end with you here." Cara moved to object, but Gawain stopped her. "May God go with you," he said heading back down the stairs. Again she moved to object and Gawain's grip on her arm tightened. She sent a glare his way and he only shook his head in disapproval.

She didn't miss the glare Lancelot sent Guinevere and without wasting one more second he followed Arthur. "Arthur," he protested. "This is not Rome's fight. It isn't your fight," he clarified. Cara broke free off Gawain and headed after Lancelot. She wanted to hear the argument and she wanted to be there to prevent Lancelot making the mistake of leaving his friend on a sour note. She knew that when Arthur's mind was made up no one could change his mind, though many would try.

"All these long years we've been together," he continued, "the trials we've faced, the blood we've shed..." Lancelot said; his voice almost a pleading tone. "What was it all for, if not for the reward of freedom? And now when we are so close! When it is finally within our grasp," he continued emphasizing with a closed fist, though Arthur still didn't look at him. Lancelot grabbed his friend's shoulder roughly, forcing him to face him. "Look at me!" Arthur looked at him with the same passive expression. His speech was only a waste of breath. "Does it all count for nothing?"

"You ask me that? You who know me best of all?" Arthur asked almost angrily. There was silence between them as they only looked at one another. Again Arthur turned to walk away, but Lancelot never did give up easily. Cara laid a hand on his shoulder silently telling him to let it go, but he shrugged her off.

"Then do not do this!" he pleaded. "Only certain death awaits you here. Arthur! I beg you! For our friendship's sake, I beg you―." Arthur grabbed a hold of Lancelot's shoulder and rested his hand by his neck.

"You be my friend now and do not dissuade me. Seize the freedom you have earned and live it for the both of us. I cannot follow you, Lancelot. I now know that all the blood I have shed, all the lives I have taken have led me to this moment." With one last glance he released Lancelot and walked away. Lancelot exhaled angrily and Cara once again put a comforting hand on Lancelot's shoulder. This time his hand overlapped hers.

She rested her head on his shoulder and he turned and enveloped her into a hug. His anger turned to determination and it was directed at Cara. "Everything is going to be alright," he said gripping her shoulders and looking her right in the eyes. "I won't let anything happen to you. I promise." Cara was stunned for a moment and she remained as still as stone.

Lancelot wrapped his arms around her once more and held her. It was a few moments before Cara could move and when she could she wrapped her own arms around his neck. Without warning he picked her up bridal style and carried her toward her quarters. Her head was buried deep in his chest and only he could feel the hot tears that stained his shirt. "It's going to be alright," he soothed.

Cara didn't move. Even after he set her on the bed, she only laid there. "What's wrong," he asked, sitting by her side.

"This is wrong," she said simply. Lancelot sat silently, waiting for her to explain. "After all he's done for us. After all the times he's sacrificed himself for one of us. This is how we repay him? By leaving him to fight alone?" she asked, her eyes burning with anger and determination. Lancelot toyed with a strand of her hair.

"He made his decision," he said in anger. "If Arthur wants to fight for Rome then let him fight. Our duty to Rome is done." Cara didn't move. "I promise," he said, cradling her head in the palms of his hands. "I won't let anything happen to you. Alright?" His voice was soft and Cara struggled to remain calm as she nodded. Again she found herself being embraced and this time. She didn't let go.

"It's not my safety I'm worried about."


	37. To A Place We Belong

_**37 – To A Place We Belong **_

Cara rode with the other knights as they led the caravan away from the fort. Guilt was an evident emotion in each of the knights' eyes. They knew it was wrong of them to leave their commander as well as their friend to face the enemy alone, but no one went back.

They each risked a glance to the lone figure on the hill. That is all of them except Lancelot. His eyes remained on the road ahead. Bors cantered away from the group and let out the familiar Sarmation battle cry as he held is sword out in a salute.

Cara watched Arthur raise the standard he held and listened to his return cry. She lowered her head in shame as Bors came galloping back and took his place among the glum knights. Cara could hear the drums. They rang in her ears even when they were well away from the fort. Cara stopped her black stallion abruptly. "What is it?"Lancelot asked stopping as well. The other knights stopped a few feet behind them, but the remainder of the caravan continued to move.

"This is wrong," she stated strongly looking at each knight. "For fifteen long years Arthur had been there for us and now when he is in need we run like dogs with tails between our legs."

"Cara, we are free," Galahad exclaimed. "Our duty to Rome is done."

"And what about our duty to Arthur?" she asked, her ocean eyes blazing with fury and determination. Cara was back and the knights remained silent for a moment.

"Cara," Bors protested softly, but his horse reared at the sudden increase in the volume of the drums. The other horse's followed his example and the knights tried hard to rein in their frightened mounts. Aidan danced excitedly beneath Cara. She leaned over his neck and offered soothing words to calm the stallion.

Eventually, he quieted down as did the other horses. "Sometimes our horses are smarter than we are," Tristan mumbled under his breath, but the knights caught his words. A devilish grin appeared on Cara's face and Galahad and Gawain were smiling brightly. Tristan found a suitable bow from the passing cart and Bors looked at Vanora silently asking for her forgiveness. Dagonet looked at the knights with a small smile on his face and Lancelot was Lancelot. He gave the knights a nod and they all seemed to understand that this was it.

Aidan reared at the energy that flowed through Cara before taking off at a gallop. They charged up the hill and Cara could feel the energy in both her and her horse. Lancelot was the first to reach Arthur, but the other knights were not far behind. Arthur gave them each a look that silently said,_ 'thank you'_.

Cara held the roman standard high. She could feel the force of the wind pick up as it whipped against the flag. Arthur rode out in front of the knights for one final speech and Cara raised her head proudly to listen.

"Knights," he began. Already his voice was filled with determination and pride. "The gift of freedom is yours by right." Cara was already growing excited for the awaiting battle and Arthur's speech was only fueling the adrenaline pumping through her veins "But the home we seek resides not in some distant land. It's in us! And in our actions on this day!" Aidan danced and tossed his head. "If this be our destiny, then so be it. But let history remember that as free men, we chose to make it so," he shouted forcefully, drawing Excalibur. Cara, as well as the other knights raised their standards.

"Russss!" they cried in unison. One by one they stabbed their flags into the ground. Each did so with a grunt or groan, but Cara and Tristan did it silently. The knights waited a few more moments before Tristan nocked an arrow and aimed for the tree that stood alone in the field beyond the wall.

He took caution as he aimed and before Cara could blink he released it. She watched a man fall from his perched and she grinned mischievously at the silent scout. Having taken care of him the knights took off back down the hill and they left their standards fluttering in the wind.

The knights moved to a smaller plateau where they could overlook the first stage of the battle. Aidan was antsy and he did nothing, but dance. "Promise me you'll watch yourself out there," Lancelot said next to her. Cara looked over at him.

"Only if you make me the same promise in return," she said softly. Lancelot nodded and Cara did the same. She looked out as the doors opened and a small Saxon infantry entered. She smirked. They were going to kill them in sections. They wouldn't be too hard to beat then.

Some of the knights looked at Cara. She had that devilish grin on her face and it was never a good sign. Cara was sure that now would be a good time for her revenge. Even though the Saxons were not blame there were still plenty to go around and Cara was all too eager to kill. She saw the Saxons coming towards her and she fidgeted in the saddle when the doors closed behind the Saxons. They were trapped.

She watched the Woad arrows flew from the sky. This was it. Arthur waited a few more seconds before charging his horse toward the unsuspecting Saxons and the rest of the knights followed. Aidan tossed his head and bucked a little at the excitement, but Cara quickly reprimanded him. Now was no time for his games and she couldn't risk being thrown.

Aidan charged valiantly through the Saxons and Cara cut down anything that stood in her path. Woad arrows continued to rain down and the knights continued to slice away the Saxons as they appeared out of nowhere in the smoke. They left one alive and the doors opened once more inviting the others in.

The knights took their place on the hillside once more, waiting for the second and last wave of Saxons to pour through the gates. The drumming and chanting was heard before the Saxons were visible and Cara watched as they marched onto the field.

Fireballs were launched from the Woad catapults and the knights rode toward the Saxons. Two outcomes ran through Cara's mind as Aidan came closer and closer to the unprepared Saxons. Victory and Death; those were her options. She didn't have any more time to dwell on the subjects as she swiped her sword along a Saxon's back. His cry of pain only fueled Cara's adrenaline rush.

The Saxons soon caught on and there was no longer any order on the field it was complete chaos. Her mind was quick as she analyzed everything that came into view. Cara had to make sure it was a Saxon she was killing and not one of her allies. '_Block! "Parry!' _Those words rang in her mind at each attack and Gareth's advice seemed to be working. Another Saxon came at her and like the others he was easily dispatched. She swung her sword like a baton, daring others to come near her and like fools, they fell for the bait.

She blocked and parried and drove her light sword into the guts of any Saxon that came near. She didn't know what made her look for the others. She didn't know what made her look for Tristan and Lancelot. A woman's intuition maybe? Whatever the reason, Cara's eyes tore away from the newly dead Saxon in front of her and toward her brother's in arms.

Tristan was fighting the Saxon lord. A deadly mistake and Cara could see he was already losing badly. She then scoured the grounds for Lancelot. He wasn't much better off. She watched as his twin blades clashed with the sword of the Saxon that had led the army on the ice. Once again her mind wasn't on her fighting and she felt the cold steel slice her flesh.

Her hand flew to her injured side, to see that it was gushing blood. She turned her head to the Saxon in front of her. He was standing there grinning as if expecting her to fall dead, as if expecting that he had made a wondrous kill. Cara grinned and his smile disappeared as she swung her blade.

Steel met skin as the Saxon's head rolled from his body. Cara didn't waste any more time. First she looked for Tristan and was not pleased when she saw him lying on the ground She saw Arthur was already aiding him so that left her to help Lancelot. She ignored the pain that flared up her side as she ran through the Saxons.

She saw him on the ground struggling to rise after an attack from another Saxon. Time seemed to pass for her in slow motion as she saw the ice Saxon raise a crossbow. The bolt was aimed for Lancelot's chest and Cara pushed herself faster to get to him. She pushed Saxons out of the way, not stopping to take the time to kill them.

She saw his hand press down on the trigger and when she thought she wouldn't make it. She collided with armor and pain shot up her back. Her eyes snapped closed at the pain, but she was conscious enough to feel that she was lying on top of someone. She felt them rise up and the arm beneath her shot out in a throwing motion before they slid completely out from under her.

"Cara," the masculine voice breathed. She felt herself being cradled. Relief welled up inside her heart. She had made it. "Cara," he said again this time shaking her. Her eyes opened, oceans met earth.

"Lancelot," she breathed. Relief was evident in her voice. Cara struggled to sit up in Lancelot's arms that were snaked protectively around her.

"Why did you do that?" he asked angrily, pulling her against him tighter as if he would lose her if he let go. Cara struggled to breath, but answered nonetheless.

"You took a dagger for me once," she said softly. Her voice was laced with Pain, but she ignored it. "I figured a bolt wouldn't hurt." Cara almost laughed, but her injuries were catching up with her.

"Don't you ever do that again, you hear me," he scolded, but it didn't last long. His lips touched hers and Cara felt the magic once again. She thought that the kiss would bother her. She thought it would remind her of Gareth, but it didn't. It was completely Lancelot.

It was passionate, yet gentle. Cara could feel her heart being pieced back together every second their lips were together. She could feel the love begin to flow again and for the first time in a very long time. Cara finally felt alive.


	38. And His Love Will Conquer All

_**38 – And His Love Will Conquer All**_

"Hold still, Cara," Dagonet scolded as he stitched her side closed. This was the easier wound to take care of. The bolt had been tricky. It was embedded in her lower back and Dagonet had no idea if it pierced any vital organs, but it all ended well.

"Let me stitch you up then we'll see if you hold still," she snapped, twitching again when he threaded the needle through once more. He laughed softly, but continued with his work. "How's Tristan?" she asked trying to keep her mind off the pain.

"He'll be fine, Cara," Dagonet answered, but Cara was pleased with his simple reply.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Yes I did. You asked how he was and I said he was fine."

"No," she said shaking her head in disagreement. "You said he'll _be_ fine."

"Cara's, he's fine," Dagonet reassured. "He has several wounds, but they will all heal in time." Cara nodded in understanding and approval.

"And Lancelot?" she asked turning to face him. Dagonet stopped working for a minute and turned his head toward the ceiling.

"Lancelot is fine. Everyone's fine, Cara! Now please hold still," he said exasperated turning her back the way she was. Cara remained still and silent as he finished stitching. She wanted to make a comment, but she didn't want to offend the person holding the needle. "There," he finally said, tying off the last stitch. "Now please get some rest. "I'll be back to check those later," he said inclining his head toward the fresh stitches.

He turned to leave and Cara waited patiently on the bed. "One more thing," he said turning around. His face was stern and Cara could almost guess what he was about to say. "You aren't to get out of that bed for two weeks."

Cara's smile turned into an angry glare. "Two weeks?!" she screamed. "Are you crazy?" she asked her eyes big with surprise.

"Just be glad you're not Tristan. He has three."

"If you think I'm staying in this bed for two weeks you better think again," she screamed defiantly. "There is no way in hell I'm staying locked up in this stuffy room for two weeks."

"You can either stay here willingly or I can tie you up and have someone guard you." Cara's menacing glare was enough to force Dagonet out of the room. When the door closed, Cara fell back on the bed. Her face contorted with pain as she landed on her injured back.

She remained there for maybe an hour until she couldn't take it anymore. She had to see her friends. She had to see for herself that they were alright. She peeked out the door and when she saw the hall was empty she slipped from her room. Her side hurt and her back ached, but her determination outweighed the pain.

She tiptoed down the hall until she came to a door. She looked around before entering quickly and shutting the door behind her. "Why do I get the feeling you aren't supposed to be here?" a voice asked from behind her.

"You've got to be kidding me," she mumbled to herself before turning around. "Where's Tristan?" she asked, silently begging him not to yell for Dagonet.

"Down the hall," Gawain answered smiling.

"That's a big help. You know how many doors are down the hall?" she asked, her face serious. Gawain only laughed.

'You didn't let me finish," he laughed.

"Then please with all due respect, finish your sentence," she said in a deadly voice. Gawain seemed to catch on to her tone and he answered quickly.

"Down the hall, second door on the left." Cara all, but ran to the door. The moment she touched the knob Gawain's voice stopped her. "Cara," he called after her. The blonde woman turned her head to face him. "You really should be resting."

Cara gave him a small smile, before slipping out the door once again. She glanced behind her several times before she reached Tristan's room. At least she hoped it was Tristan's. She entered the same way she entered Gawain's, silent and sneaky.

Tristan was lying on the bed. Anyone else would've thought he was sleeping, but Cara knew better. "I know you're awake," she said coming to stand beside his bed. The scout's eyes snapped open.

"You shouldn't be up," he scolded. Cara looked at him skeptically. "Dagonet will not be happy when he finds you gone."

"I can handle him," she said waving a hand in the air, dismissing the knight. "I had to make sure you were still living," she poked sitting down in the chair that sat near the bed. Tristan was about to say something, but a knock at the door silenced him.

Cara didn't have to be told to hide. She shimmied under the bed and Tristan's eyes closed once more. She saw Dagonet enter, but as soon as he saw that the scout was _'asleep'_ her left. Cara waited a few more moments just to make sure he wouldn't reappear.

"You can handle him huh?" Tristan asked; his famous devilish grin upon his face.

"I better get back before he realizes I'm gone." Cara hurried out the door without looking back. She moved down the hall quickly making sure that no one was following her. She opened her door softly and closed it in the same manner.

"You shouldn't be out of bed," a voice said behind her. Cara whirled around and flinched at the pain it caused. Lancelot was by her side in an instant and helped her back into bed and he lay next to her wrapping his arms around her.

"Lancelot, I'm fine," she groaned. He poked her side lightly and her face contorted with pain.

"That isn't fine, Cara," he said gravely. "You need to rest whether you want to or not."

"I guess Dag ordered you to guard me huh?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"I'm not to let you out of my sight for a second," he answered with a small smile on his face. He leaned down and planted a small kiss on her lips. "Cara I know this is neither the time nor the place, but will you marry me?"

Cara's heart stopped. "What?" was the only sound she could force out of her mouth.

"Cara, I love you and I know that it's so soon and out of the blue, but I want you to know that you'll never be alone. I care about you, Cara." Cara forced her heart to beat as she closed her eyes.

There was Gareth again, still atop his bay stallion. He was smiling down at her and Cara was smiling back. The hill didn't seem as steep as she remembered. In fact it was only a small climb to get to Gareth, but Cara didn't move. "Cara," she heard someone call behind her. Lancelot was across the small stream, calling to her, beckoning her to follow him.

Her eyes turned to Gareth. He only smiled and nodded. The stallion tossed his head as Gareth turned him to the side. Cara thought he was going to ride away, but he stayed where he was. "Cara!" Lancelot called once more. She turned away from Gareth and headed across the stream to the curly haired knight.

She was wrapped in a hug. Lancelot grabbed a hold of her hand and led her into the forest. Cara risked one last glance at Gareth. The bay stallion reared, towering over the land. Gareth gave her one last smile before both man and horse disappeared into thin air. Cara felt a burst of wind upon her face. "Goodbye, my love," she whispered.

Cara's eyes snapped open. Lancelot was still beside her. She leaned against him and buried her head in his broad chest. "Of course I'll marry you," she answered. She could feel his heart beat beneath his skin and he wrapped his arms tighter around her as his head rested on hers.

A small piece of her heart died with Gareth on that fateful night and Cara accepted the fact that that small portion could never be repaired. She would always miss him and that feeling would never go away, but Cara also realized that her father was right. Lancelot was her light in the dark. It just took Cara a little longer to find it.

_**~The End~ **_

_***** **_

**There you have it. Like I said before this was only supposed to be a short little thing to help me get over writers block and well it turned into a really long story. Good news is I posted a new story. Bad news is that my writers block isn't gone. So yeah that's about it. Love it? Hate it? Review it you want. If you don't that's okay too. **

**Love always, **

_**~ You Raise Me Up**_


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